The X-Files - Our Kind of Paradise
by MrsSpookyLiz
Summary: Set after IWTB, and ending before S10, what on earth happened to Mulder and Scully's relationship that led them to break up? / MSR / Shipper / Angst / Romance / NOW COMPLETE!
1. Chapter 1

**_OUR KIND OF PARADISE_**

 ** _An X-Files Fanfic_**

 _Set directly after IWTB and ends just before Season 10_

 _Disclaimer - As much as I would love to, I do not own the X-Files. Fox and Chris Carter do._

* * *

 _ **CHAPTER ONE -** **2008**_

 _He wished he had just married her on that island, legal or not, he regretted not asking her…_

This thought was in the forefront of his mind as they boarded the plane at the local airport in the Grenadines, the hot Caribbean sun beating down on his back as Scully stepped into the small plane ahead of him. He smiled and felt his heart explode with love as she turned back to him with an excited giggle, her long red hair which had been lightened in the sunshine so it was almost strawberry blonde, whipping round in the tropical breeze to reveal her beautiful, happy smile.

"Mulder, you wanna go up front this time?" She asked, beaming.

Mulder climbed into the plane after her.

"All right, if you insist." He said with a smile, grabbing onto her waist then pulling her close, placing a kiss on her sun drenched lips.

She giggled again happily as she pulled away and looked into his deep brown eyes. He lifted his hand from her waist and brushed her long hair behind her ear. He was in awe of her beauty, she looked like an goddess right now. He had never seen her this happy.

"I don't want to go home. Can we stay forever?" He asked in a low voice. She smiled up at him sympathetically but didn't speak. She knew that there was nothing to say. _This couldn't last forever._

Taking a breath she sat down in the passenger seat, strapping herself in. Mulder climbed into the front and the pilot handed him the headphones.

"You guys had a nice vacation?" The young pilot asked, his face weathered from the sea breeze and the hot, blaring sun. Mulder nodded and smiled at him happily.

He envied him, what a life, what a job.

"Perfect."

"It was wonderful. Just what we needed." Scully shouted up front and reached her hand towards Mulder, pushing it through the gap between his seat and the pilots. He turned around took her hand, squeezing it tight and looking into her beautiful blue eyes, so caring and passionate.

 _They had had the most romantic time here..._

It had been like a dream, just white sandy beaches and warm turquioise waters. They had had no cares in the world. It had been so wonderful, and just what they deserved...

"Just what the Doctor ordered." Mulder said with a wink, and she knew he was referring to her. Scully smiled then pulled away from him as the pilot started the propellers.

She sat back in the seat and looked out of the small window, the hot sun blaring down on the runway tarmac. She really didn't want to go home either, but vacations didn't last forever. She needed to get back to work. As much as she didn't want to right now, she knew that when she got back she would enjoy it.

But in the back of her mind, Mulder was her overwhelming concern. He had been so lost recently, until the case had come up. And it had been a horrible, monstrous case. She had nearly lost Mulder, once again, and she wasn't going to let that happen anymore…

She wanted them to be happy, and away from the darkness.

 _But Mulder said he liked the darkness…_

Her worries evaporated as soon as the plane started to take off into the sky and then, they were over the sea almost immediately. She smiled in amazement and wonder as the thrill of being in such a small plane came over her again. She had loved it on the way out, it was so different and exciting. It reminded her of the thrill she used to get as a child.

Soon they would be landing in Barbados and then they would be on a large, commercial jet, on their way back to Washington.

She had to make the most of this, the vacation wasn't over until they got home.

* * *

They landed in Barbados and said thank you to the pilot, who helped them carry their bags to the airport. As soon as they stepped into the busy buzz of the terminal, the peacefulness of the last two weeks started to fade. It was busy and full of tourists, all queuing to catch the next flight home.

As they placed their bags on the belt to go through security and onto their connecting flight, Mulder turned to his beautiful Scully and reached his hand out to hers, linking his fingers through hers and squeezing her hand gently. He sensed that she was feeling the same way as him, as if they were adjusting slowly to getting back to normal life. She turned to him and gave him a small smile. He felt his heart lift with love as he felt so lucky to have her in his life. _Most of the time he felt as if he didn't deserve her._

"What gate is it?" She asked as they walked together into the main hustle and bustle of the terminal. People were shopping, dining, drinking. Mulder just wanted to lift her up in his arms and go back to the deserted islands, so that no one could bother them.

But life didn't work that way...

"Erm.." He started, pulling his ticket out of his linen trouser pocket, "3b. Come on, it's this way." He motioned to her and they walked towards it, hand in hand.

When they found the gate they sat down on a set of spare seats. Mulder pulled Scully towards him and cuddled her close, kissing the top of her hair and breathing in her scent. He closed his eyes for a moment.

"Sweetheart, we should have got married out there." He breathed into her hair, his voice slightly muffled. His heart raced anxiously as he spoke almost without thinking, but he loved her so much he couldn't stop himself. She looked up at him and searched his face, clearly surprised at his words. Pulling away from him she took his hand in hers, frowning in thought and wonder.

"Are you serious?" She asked with a small smile.

"Yes. Deadly serious." He said firmly.

"Mulder, you are so adorable right now, I don't know what's gotten into you. But I don't think marriage is for us." She said softly. He nodded in defeat. It wasn't the first time this had come up, and the outcome was always the same. They didn't want a marriage, they didn't need one. "Besides, it wouldn't have been legal out there. You know that, we discussed this."

"I know." Mulder said, sighing and lowering his eyes. "I just… I want to make you happy."

"Mulder.." She said firmly, raising her hand to his face and cupping it. Her eyes bore into his and he read her thoughts. He knew what she was thinking, but he couldn't help but doubt himself sometimes. Especially just recently, seeing as she had nearly left him during the case. "You _do_ make me happy. _Very_ happy." She said with affection, then leaned forwards and kissed him gently.

"Good." He said with a smile as they pulled apart. She rested her forehead against his. Mulder looked down at her brown and freckled skin, then to her sandals on her feet. He loved seeing her with this much flesh on show, she looked so beautiful. He placed his hand on her upper leg and caressed it gently. Scully closed her eyes and let out a breath of pleasure, enjoying his touch.

"Mulder, not now. When we get home." She breathed with a playful smile. Mulder nodded in agreement, knowing that now as was not the time but he just couldn't help himself.

"I'm sorry. I just can't help it." He mumbled into her ear, his body aching for her. She let out a sigh then rested her head against his shoulder again, then he wrapped his arm around her in response. She was wearing a long dress, green and flowing with thin straps. He didn't want to go home and back to the cold weather where she would have to cover up again.

"Have you bought a change of clothes for when we get home? You're going to be freezing." He asked with slight concern. As much as he wanted to see her beautiful body he also didn't want her to get sick.

But before Scully could answer the gate opened and the announcer was calling for them to board the plane.

They picked up their hand luggage and got out their passports and tickets, joining the busy queue.

"I love you. This has been the most amazing time of my life." Scully said to him as they queued side by side. She smiled as Mulder looked at her lovingly, his deep eyes making her feel light headed and giddy.

"I love you too Dana."

* * *

They boarded the plane and settled down in their business class seats. Mulder had not wasted any expense on treating them both. He had wanted this to be perfect and he was pretty sure he had succeeded.

The air steward served them each a glass of champagne and after Scully had taken a few sips, she rested her head against his shoulder again. _She just wanted to stay like this forever.._

"I'm going to get some sleep. Wake me when the food comes out?" She asked with a yawn, as the final passengers boarded the plane, walking past them and placing their bags up into the overhead lockers.

Mulder kissed her hair again and got out his blanket, wrapping it around her. Scully smiled at how caring and loving he was acting and pulled him towards her for a quick kiss, before strapping her seatbelt over the blanket so that the stewards wouldn't wake her.

"Why don't you get some sleep too?" She asked in a quiet voice, closing her eyes.

"I can't. I'm gonna watch a movie… hey Scully look there's a big selection of-" He started, pushing his touch screen in the seat in front of him, but stopping as he noticed she had already drifted off.

He smiled lovingly and kissed her hair again, closing his own eyes.

 _May be he could try and sleep too…_

* * *

 _ **PLEASE REVIEW!**_

 _ **This is going to be an emotional journey, but my heart is wounded by their break up so I am writing this as my therapy!**_

 _ **More to come..**_

 _ **XXXXXX**_


	2. Chapter 2

**CHAPTER TWO**

Nine Hours Later - Mulder and Scully's Cabin

Mulder led Scully up the steps to their house, the cold air whipping at them harshly.

It was late, and they were exhausted after all the traveling.

"All I want to do is go to sleep." Scully mumbled as she pulled her thin coat towards her body. Mulder was carrying their bags. He placed them down outside the front door as they neared it then searched in his pocket for the front door keys. He couldn't believe they had been gone for nearly a whole month.

"I know, I'm exhausted." He said, glancing at her with a small smile. But Scully then stamped on the wooden terrace, her body bitterly cold. She frowned at Mulder in annoyance.

"Mulder! Open the door!" She shrieked. Mulder let out a small laugh as he enjoyed watching her squirm. _But of course, he also didn't want her to get sick._

Teasing her was always fun... He opened the door and Scully ran inside, rubbing her hands together and blowing on them in an effort to warm herself up.

Mulder carried the bags through the front door then kicked it shut, then walked through the sitting room and into the bedroom, placing them on the floor by their bed. Then he turned back to Scully, who was now by the fireplace, desperately trying to light it.

Mulder smiled at her lovingly and bent down to her, pulling her up into his arms.

"No Mulder I wanna light the.." She started, but Mulder hugged her close, warming her up with his own body heat. Scully stopped mid sentence and gave in, softening into his chest and burying her face in it.

"You'll be warm soon." He whispered into her ear as he held her, rubbing her back firmly.

"Mulder.." She said weakly, then he realised that she was shivering.

"Scully, you should have packed something warmer."

"I know..!" She cried out helplessly, then raised her blue eyes to his. Mulder brushed a long piece of hair away from her face. She looked so beautiful. " _Please_ can we light the fire?" She asked softly, her eyes pleading.

"I wanted to hold you in my arms to warm you up… but… ok..." He said with a teasing grin. She smiled finally, a small smile which was giving into his charm. He placed a kiss on her forehead then let go of her, getting down on his knees and lighting the fire.

"I'm going to make some coffee." Scully said, still shivering. She exclaimed in annoyance and frustration at the cold then grabbed the blanket off the sofa, wrapping it around her shoulders. "Jesus Mulder, did you turn the heating _off_?!"

"We weren't going to be here for a while, I turned it _down_." Mulder called back to her as she was now in the kitchen. He prodded the wooden logs with the tongs, helping breathe oxygen into the fire. After a few tries, it was finally roaring.

Mulder got back to his feet and met Scully in the kitchen, adjusting the heating as he went which was in the cupboard under the stairs. Scully was pouring two cups of steaming coffee and she turned to face him, snuggled in the throw off the sofa. Mulder smiled and felt his heart ache with love as he noticed how adorable she looked.

"You look so snug like that." He said with a chuckle. Scully smiled back at him and handed him the coffee cup. "Are you any warmer?"

"Come sit by the fire with me." She said in a soft voice, her eyes meeting his and demanding him, rather than asking. Mulder nodded silently as she linked her free hand in his and led him back towards the sofa, then they collapsed down together.

Mulder wrapped his arm around her and let out a long yawn as he watched the fire roaring in front of them. Scully sighed and snuggled deeper into his chest, enjoying the warmth of his strong body against hers. She felt so safe and secure in Mulder's arms.

 _She could fall asleep right here…_

"I love you." She murmured sleepily. Mulder closed his eyes in total bliss.

"I love you too."

"I'm falling asleep.." She whispered. Mulder looked down at her and then cuddled her closer.

"Don't, we should really go to bed."

"I can't help it."

"Dana, come on. Let's go to bed." He whispered in her ear then kissed her cheek gently. He wanted to wrap his body around hers and he had to admit that he wanted his familiar, welcoming bed.

She sighed and fought back the tiredness which was washing over her. But she wasn't sure she could get up. Mulder already knew this and he took her coffee cup out of her hands.

"Hold on one sec.." He said gently, rising from the sofa. Scully moaned a little in protest as he moved away from her and she momentarily lost his warmth and comfort, but he knew it wouldn't be for long. He quickly put the guard in front of the fire so it could burn out then went back to his Scully, who was fighting to keep her eyes open. His heart flowed with love for her, she was so fragile and cute in this very moment. "Come on baby. Let's go to bed." He crooned, then bent down to lift her off the sofa. He lifted her into his arms and she happily nestled into his chest again, letting him carry her with ease.

Slowly, he walked with her in his arms into the bedroom and laid her down in the bed. Mulder undressed her carefully, pulling her dress down and kissing her skin that was exposed as he did. The straps, then the zip, opening and exposing the tan lines on her back. Mulder placed a soft kiss on her tattoo on her lower back and when she was just in her briefs, she closed her eyes and pulled the covers over her body. Mulder knelt down next to her, studying her beautiful features as she drifted off to sleep.

"Good night beautiful." He whispered, his voice full of love and adoration. Then he placed a kiss on her lips.

With a happy sigh he got himself undressed then got into bed, pulling her small frame towards his own and cuddling her from behind, wrapping his arms around her.

Tracing his fingers along her arm, he finally found her hand, which he held in his own.

* * *

The Next Morning

Mulder awoke slowly, frowning in slight confusion as he momentarily wasn't sure where he was, but as his eyes slowly adjusted to his surroundings he knew he was at home, but as he rolled over and reached out for her, his hand only clutched onto the bed sheets.

He felt disappointment as she wasn't there, then kicked off the covers as he soon realized he was sweating.

It was stifling in the bedroom.

Mulder sat up in bed and looked through the open door, wondering if he could see her in the kitchen. But there was no sign of her.

Forcing himself out of bed he staggered into the main area of the house, his legs still weak from the disorientation he was feeling, which he could only imagine was because of jet lag. _He had no idea what time it was._

Taking a bottle of water from the fridge he gulped it down, still boiling hot in the now very warm kitchen. They had left the heating on all night, not forgetting the fire.

But where was she?

Mulder closed the fridge door then his body relaxed as he immediately recognized a note from Scully under a magnet. She did this sometimes, especially when she went to work and he slept in.

 _Gone grocery shopping_

 _Back soon_

 _Love you_

 _X_

Mulder smiled to himself as he saw the kiss at the bottom. It had been a while since they had felt this close. The vacation had done wonders for their relationship. But he couldn't help but worry that things may go downhill again, but that was up to him more than her. He needed a hobby, or something to keep his mind occupied. Their love was strong, so strong that he imagined it would never die, _even if they did ever go their separate ways…_

But the thought of that was too painful for him to even contemplate.

Scully was his soulmate, his lover, his best friend and his life.

He couldn't bear the thought of them breaking up. He knew that it would destroy him if they did. He couldn't live without her. He had had the fright of his life when she hadn't come home that night while they were working on the case. It had hit him hard, that it was even possible for something like that to happen... _to them..._

Mulder sighed and focused on the day ahead. This was their last day together before she went back to work tomorrow and he wanted to make the most of it.

He went to the bathroom and undressed, then climbed into the shower. The hot water felt good on his jet lagged body, his tired mind getting more and more alert as he washed the grogginess away.

* * *

She carried the grocery bags into the kitchen and placed them on the side.

Scully couldn't see Mulder anywhere, but then she heard the distant sound of the shower running.

Smiling to herself she imagined him in the shower, the hot water running over his muscular body. She felt an aching in her stomach as she felt aroused slightly, then bit her lip playfully as she considered jumping in and joining him…

She finished placing the groceries in the cupboard and refrigerator, then leant against the kitchen worktop, the shower still running and no sign of Mulder yet.. and now she was hot, the heating in the house was overpowering compared to the cold weather outside. She was wearing her thick black winter coat and a red scarf and almost felt faint as the sweat appeared on her brow and started to roll down her back.

"Woah.." She breathed, pulling the scarf off her quickly then throwing the coat onto the back of the sofa.

She turned the heating right down.

 _And now.. she could do with a shower…_

Scully smiled to herself as she walked towards the bathroom, unbuttoning her cardigan as she went and then her jeans. She felt her heart race with excitement as she couldn't wait to see Mulder's face as she climbed in behind him.

As she opened the bathroom door she was now just in her underwear, which she quickly slipped off also. Then she discreetly pulled back the curtain and smiled, seeing Mulder's body, his wet back and buttocks, muscular and firm. She studied him for a moment and felt flushed, he really was very good looking. _She was a lucky woman..._

She watched he washed the shampoo from his hair. Then she climbed in, the water hitting her now and then wrapped her arms around his waist, causing him to jump and turn around in shock.

Scully laughed as she saw his reaction.

"Hey."

"And just what do you think you are doing Miss Scully?" Mulder smirked, resting his forehead against hers. Scully giggled playfully as her hands caressed his back, then she lowered them to his behind. She raised an eyebrow as she saw him rise to attention.

"Kiss me." She breathed excitedly, to which of course, he happily obliged.

* * *

 _ **PLEASE REVIEW!**_

 _ **Thanks for your reviews so far... xx**_

 _ **Phew I need a shower.. lol** _


	3. Chapter 3

**CHAPTER THREE**

Six weeks later  


Mulder was ok without her.

He was doing better than before. He even had a hobby...

Well, _kind of..._

It was more like a job, if you could call it that. He was helping out on the farm down the road. The man who owned it has been a loyal neighbor to them and Mulder knew he was struggling in his old age, and well, it kept him busy.

Scully had seemed happy that he was occupying his time, but he knew that it was something that he had to do, for her.

He couldn't just lock himself in his office and obsess like he had before. He had to get over it. Of course, she had been happy for him to do it sometimes, it was his passion, his life. _She knew that better than anyone._

Mulder felt his feet sink into the damp ground as he jogged back towards the house, finishing his daily workout routine. This was also something new, and it felt good to get out and exercise.

Just as he started up the dirt track, he saw her car in the distance. He smiled and gave her a wave, which he wasn't sure if she had noticed but it felt good to do it anyway.

Mulder jogged up the steps just as her car pulled up. He pulled his earphones out and saw her climb out of the car. She glanced at him and he immediately noticed that something was wrong.

Her hair was tied up in a ponytail, but it was loose and messy as if she had had a hell of day. She would usually look pristine as always when she got home. Mulder knew that she would sometimes shower at the hospital before she came home.

But today, it was as if she had wanted to get home as soon as possible, or hadn't had the time.

He could always tell immediately how she felt, and this day was no different.

Mulder frowned with slight concern as she closed the car door slowly and made her way towards the bottom step. He watched as she took a deep breath and placed a hand on the banister for support, her coat and doctors bag in her other hand. Mulder quickly ran back down the steps to her, placing a hand on her back.

"Hey, you ok?" He asked softly.

* * *

 _Scully was exhausted._

She had had a horrendous day, a patient had died on her operating table…

But she didn't want to tell Mulder about it, not now anyway. She just wanted to fall into his arms and be looked after, and firstly, she needed a long soak in the bath. She noticed that he had been running, which warmed her heart slightly. She liked the fact that he was doing more in the day now than he had been recently. She slowly met his gaze and saw the concern in his deep brown eyes. She swallowed sadly and blinked, her eyes heavy and sore.

"I… not really.." She muttered in defeat, knowing that he could see straight through her. Mulder lowered his hand to her lower back for support and she let out a breath of appreciation.

 _She really loved it when he did that._

"Here. Let me take your bag." He said, already taking it and her coat from her. Scully let him guide her up the steps, supporting her tired and emotionally drained self as they went. She had cried at work today, when no one has been looking. It was a rare occasion but she was doing it more and more these days. She was getting soft in her old age may be...

Scully happily embraced the comfort of their home. She walked straight to the bathroom and started to run a bath, much to Mulder's concern.

"Do you want anything?" Mulder asked in a soft voice from the doorway.

Scully sat herself on the side of the tub and looked down into the water as it filled, the bubbles growing and expanding.

"No Mulder, I'm ok. I just need a bath, I want to wash away this day." She said in a low voice and she was fighting back tears. She swallowed them down, knowing that Mulder would be able to hear it in her voice. He knew her inside out.

"Scully…" He started, his voice laced with worry. And then he was walking towards her as she had expected. He bent down to his knees and placed a hand on her back again, his eyes searching her face which was turned away from him sadly. She felt her heart ache as he touched her, causing her emotions to rise to the surface.

 _She felt like an awful person._

Deep down, she knew it hadn't been her fault. It has been an emergency and they did everything they could… and as a Doctor she should be more used to this, but it never got any easier…

"Talk to me Dana." Mulder continued.

She held her breath for a moment as his voice caused tears to fall down her cheeks. Mulder was silent, watching her patiently.

"You always bottle everything up. It's good to talk about it." He said gently, kneading his fingers against her back to soothe her. He knew that she was exhausted and he could only imagine what had happened. But he knew it was something to do with work and that it had upset her deeply.

"I.." She started with difficulty, "-I just want a bath."

Mulder didn't question it. He knew that she would tell him later. He would get it out of her.

He nodded silently, running his hand across her shoulder blades. She closed her eyes in response and he knew that he was helping to soothe her pain. Then he pulled away from her, his heart aching with worry as he let her have her alone time.

She didn't look at him but he knew it was because she would probably burst into tears if she did.

"I'll make us some dinner." He said softly, rising to his feet again.

Scully nodded and bit her bottom lip, forcing the sobs back down to her chest.

"I love you Dana." He finished in a whisper, then closed the door behind him.

Scully felt herself shaking, her body overcome with emotion.

The bath was nearly full.

She turned off the water then stripped out of her casuals.

As she slid her tired body down into the hot water, she finally let the tears fall freely and before she could catch a breath, she was sobbing.

* * *

Mulder turned his head towards the bathroom as he heard the water stop running. His heart was heavy with sadness and worry. _He hated seeing her tortured like this..._

And then to his horror he heard her crying, sobbing heavily.

Mulder gasped then started back towards the bathroom, desperate to comfort her and hold her, to tell her that it was ok, that he couldn't stand the sound of her tears… but just as he was about to grab the door handle, he had to stop himself.

She had wanted to be alone. _He had to respect that._

Mulder's heart was hurting as she continued to cry, he could hear it all. He wondered if she _wanted_ him to hear her?

Sighing heavily, he tore himself away from the bathroom and paced back into the kitchen, running a worried hand through his hair and then opening the refrigerator door and staring at the contents inside in silence.

He had to do something to get his mind of Scully's sadness. He would comfort her later.

But.. no… _he couldn't stand it anymore..._

As Scully let out another large sob, _one too many for Mulder.._ he ran to the bathroom. He fought back his own tears as he banged on the door.

"Scully? Scully please let me in.." He begged desperately.

She was silent suddenly. Mulder felt relief wash over him as she had stopped crying momentarily, but also guilt as he had not left her alone, but he _couldn't…_

There was a sound of the water splashing and Mulder waited patiently, wondering if she was ok.

 _He just wanted to know she was all right…_

"Scully?" He asked, his voice cracking with emotion. "I'm sorry I just… please just let me in.."

But the door suddenly unlocked and Mulder took a step back as it swung open.

* * *

Scully stood in her towel robe, her hair long and wet over her shoulder. She brushed away her tears which were mixed with bathwater from her face and lowered her head, trying not to meet Mulder's gaze or he would set her off again. She hugged her arms to her body, trying to comfort herself.

"Scully…" Mulder whispered sympathetically, then he was suddenly enveloping her in his arms, his strong body holding her close. She gasped in response as he held her tight, her heart bursting with love for him.

"I'm sorry.." She muttered into his chest.

"Don't be sorry. I get it. I just needed to know you were ok…" He said with a heavy frown of concern, closing his eyes as he smelt her freshly washed hair.

But then she was crying again, sobbing into his shoulder.

"It's all right." He soothed, rubbing her back with his hands as if he could soothe the sadness away. His heart was breaking. "It's all right Scully."

"I'm sorry.. I'm sorry Mulder…" She spluttered between her tears. Mulder shook his head and held her tight. He knew that she was apologizing for being upset… _but why?!_

"Come on now, no more tears." He whispered into her ear.

"I… I can't…"

"Shh, it's all right. You're home now. Whatever happened, it's over."

Scully nodded as she tried to regain her normal breathing pattern.

She took a few deep breaths then raised her teary eyes to Mulder's. He looked so concerned _. He was so handsome._ She felt her heart ache as she studied his perfect jawline and his kissable lips.

"I'm sorry." She said finally, her voice stronger now. Mulder raised her hand to her cheek and cupped it, making sure she kept her eyes on his.

"Stop saying sorry."

"I really tried to not bring this home." She said in a low voice. Mulder searched her face and wanted to ask about it further, but he didn't want to set her off again.

"Don't think about it, just get dressed. Then, I'm going to pour you a glass of Merlot and cook us some ' _pasta a'la Mulder'_. All right?" He said gently, trying to make her smile, then happily he saw a smile creep up the side of her lips. He smiled now too, as they both knew that Mulder could pretty much only make two things - Steak and pasta.

He felt a warmth in his heart as she seemed to relax in his arms and he was now glad that he had banged on the door.

He then kissed her tenderly, her soft lips pressing against his.

"Mulder.." She breathed as they pulled apart after a moment. Mulder brushed away the tears from her wet cheeks.

"What is it?"

She licked her lips nervously, then managed to speak in a soft whisper. "I lost a patient today."

Mulder felt his heart drop to his stomach. He frowned in concern as she told him.

 _Now he understood._ He knew it had been something bad.

He paused, unable to find the words to comfort her. She nodded slowly and bit back fresh tears, but she wasn't going to cry again. She was done with crying for the time being.

"I… I'm so sorry." Mulder managed finally. He looked into her blue eyes which were haunted with pain today. He didn't know what he could do to make this better. He could tell that she was doubting herself, and that was _not_ ok. "This is not your fault. You are a wonderful Doctor."

Scully loved him so much for saying this. It was what she needed right now.

"Thank you." She whispered with a sad smile.

"Come here." He said softly. Mulder pulled her back into his arms and held her tight, sighing sadly as her small frame pressed against his.

"I'm sorry I brought this home with me. I really wanted to keep any darkness out of our home."

Mulder hugged her tighter, his heart aching with love and sadness for his Scully. _He loved her so god damn much that it hurt…_

"Scully, stop it. Now, where's that bottle of wine?"

To his happiness she let out a small chuckle. Mulder squeezed her tightly and didn't want to let her go.

Not now, not ever.

* * *

 **PLEASE REVIEW!**

 **xXx**


	4. Chapter 4

**CHAPTER FOUR**

24th December 2008

Scully glanced over at Mulder as she drove them towards the city. He was looking out of the car window in silence. She knew that he was feeling slightly anxious, but she was so glad that he had been so understanding about this arrangement.

They were going to have her Mother with them for Christmas this year.

Bill was busy with his own family and she was slightly relieved that they actually had a break from the busy, crazy Scully family Christmas this year.

"Hey Scully look, remember that place?" He asked, turning to her with a large playful grin as he pointed to the Hoover building as they drove past it. Scully smiled back at him and rolled her eyes.

"I drive past it nearly every day." She said with a shrug. But then she stopped herself as she knew she had probably sounded a little inconsiderate. "I'm sorry Mulder. I know you miss it."

"Ho-ho no! I don't miss that place. I miss the work, but not the building." He said with a chuckle, shifting in his seat slightly. Scully raised an eyebrow and smirked at his lame Santa Claus joke.

 _There were Christmas lights everywhere._

She was surprised at how quiet the streets were, but it was late of course. She had been working earlier that day and had managed to get off early so she could pick her Mother up. She had wanted Mulder to come with her as she was getting more and more dependent these days. It always helped to have another pair of hands when it came to looking after her Mother.

"Thank you for agreeing to this Mulder." She said softly as she signaled left. Mulder glanced at her lovingly.

"Of course. Besides, I couldn't stand another Christmas with your brother." He said, half joking and half truthfully.

She sighed and didn't respond. The history between Mulder and Bill was complicated. Bill had never liked him.

"I just want to be able to spend Christmas with her, she's getting old Mulder." She said in a soft voice, her heart aching slightly at the thought of her Mother. She was struggling at home on her own, but she had help. A carer would come and see her every day and make sure she took her meds and that she had a hot meal.

Mulder smiled at her sympathetically and then reached over and placed a hand on her knee, squeezing it gently.

"I know. But she's doing good!" He chirped positively. "She's a fighter, just like her daughter."

Scully smiled at him and felt her heart flow with love and adoration. He always said the right thing, _always._

* * *

They finally pulled up outside Margaret's House and got out of the car. Scully stopped as she looked at the house and suddenly felt slightly overcome with emotion. Her Mother had suffered a stroke just a few weeks ago. It had been a small stroke and she had recovered well but it has still scared her a lot. She took a deep breath and walked around the other side of the car to where Mulder was watching her pensively and waiting. Scully glanced at him and forced a small, confident smile but Mulder knew her better than that, so he grabbed her hand, lacing his fingers through hers.

Scully felt her heart skip a beat as he lent her his support, as he so often did. _He was so sweet, and she was so lucky to have him._

"I'm fine Mulder." She said in a soft voice as they walked hand in hand towards the front porch.

Mulder nodded silently, knowing that deep down she was still a little shaken by her Mother's recent stroke.

He kept her hand in his as she knocked on the front door and they waited for Margaret to answer it.

* * *

Mulder and Scully's House – Christmas Day

"Merry Christmas Mom!"

Scully cried out happily as her Mother slowly came down the stairs, holding onto Mulder for support. She hurried towards her as she reached the bottom step and hugged her tightly, her eyes welling with happy tears.

"Mulder helped me down the stairs! Such a gentleman." Margaret said happily, and Mulder smiled at Scully as she caught his eye over her Mothers shoulder.

"I know Mom, isn't he the best?" Scully said as she pulled away from her Mothers hug finally and held her hands in hers. She noticed they were more wrinkled and noticed for the first time that they had possibly shrunk. Scully knew that as people got older sometimes they appeared to 'shrink' slightly, but she had never experienced it first hand with a loved one.

"Would you like a drink?" Mulder asked them as he went towards the kitchen to make a cup of coffee.

"Oh yes please, a nice hot cup of tea." Margaret responded appreciatively.

Scully smiled and led her towards the living room sofa, sitting her down among some cushions to support her back.

"Dana, you look so beautiful, doesn't she Mulder?"

Scully blushed slightly and turned to Mulder as Margaret addressed him. Mulder smiled and gave Scully a little wink.

"Of course she does. She always does." He said, his voice full of sincerity. Scully let out a loving chuckle and squeezed her Mothers hand.

"Stop it, both of you." She scolded happily.

"Merry Christmas my darling." Margaret smiled as she looked into her daughters eyes. "Is Bill coming?"

Scully paused, her heart jumping to her throat as she considered how to answer this question. It didn't help that she had already discussed this with her at length. She knew it was because of her old age and her stroke, her memory was not good at the moment. But it affected her as it took her by surprise every time she asked something like this. It hurt, but she had to remain strong for her Mother. This is what happened with old age, _she had to get used to it._

Mulder was walking towards them with Margaret's tea.

He had heard her ask the question and he felt sympathy for Scully as he watched her struggle to find the words. Her Mother was looking at her expectantly. He handed Margaret her cup and saucer, making sure she had a good grip on it then wrapped an arm around Scully's waist, his hands resting on her christmas jumper and held her close, giving her a little reassuring squeeze.

"Mom..." Scully started cautiously, "Bill and the children, they're not coming this year. It's just us. You, me and Mulder. Remember?" She asked hopefully in a soft voice.

Margaret looked at her with a blank expression.

Scully felt worry flow over her as she really didn't want her Mother to get upset. _She wanted them to have a great Christmas._

"Not… not coming?" Margaret asked absent minded, staring into space for a moment. Scully swallowed nervously and felt tears coating her throat. Mulder attempted to pull her closer as he sensed her emotions but she tore herself away from him as she felt the need to sit next to her Mother. _She wanted to reassure her everything was all right._

"Yes Mom. We talked about this already. They couldn't make it this year. Bill is very busy with work."

Scully helped her Mom with her hot tea and slowly took it from her hands, placing it on the coffee table in front of them. The last thing she wanted was for her to drop it and then be scalded by it.

She took hold of her fragile hands in hers and Margaret blinked at her touch, then turned back to her and looked into her eyes.

Scully smiled sympathetically as her Mother looked a little lost. She sighed and squeezed her hands tightly.

"Mom?" She asked in a whisper. Mulder watched them anxiously, feeling slightly useless. He placed his hands on his hips nervously.

Margaret blinked again, then finally it appeared she had snapped back to reality, her memory switching back on.

Mulder watched Scully with loving concern. _He knew that she was hurting._

"Oh… yes. Of course. I remember now. Well, I will miss them, but at least I'm here with you and Fox."

Scully let out a breath of relief. She nodded in agreement then pulled her Mother into an embrace and kissed her cheek.

"What's the matter Dana?" She asked her.

"Nothing Mom. I'm just glad you're here. Please, drink your tea." Scully said with a smile, pulling away from her and reaching to the coffee table, but Mulder was already there, handing her the cup and saucer. Scully paused and met his eyes, his brown loving eyes bearing deep into her soul. She smiled at him thankfully.

"Thank you." She said softly.

"No problem." Mulder said as he watched them sitting together on the sofa. He smiled.

 _He just wanted Scully to be happy._

"So… presents?" He blurted out suddenly, changing the subject thankfully and rubbing his hands together like an excited teenager.

Scully caught his eye and let out a happy chuckle.

"Oh yes! Let's open the presents!" Margaret chirped happily, much to Mulder and Scully's amusement. "Oh.. Dana darling?"

Scully turned back to her Mother as Mulder started to get the presents out from under the tree.

"Yes Mom?"

"Is it too early for a glass of sherry...?"

* * *

 **PLEASE REVIEW!**

 **xXx**


	5. Chapter 5

**CHAPTER FIVE**

 _Later, Christmas Day_

Mulder snuggled Scully closer to him as they sat on the sofa together, their socked feet next to each other on the footstool while the fire roared. They were both tired, due to festive fun. Margaret was sleeping on the sofa, her head propped up against a cushion and her face peaceful as she slept.

"What do you think she's dreaming about?" Scully asked him sleepily, looking at her beloved Mother.

"Probably about what a great day she's had." He said to her softly, running a hand through her long red hair. It had darkened slightly now winter had come around and was now it's normal colour. He smiled happily, _wondering what he had done to deserve this domestic bliss that he had never asked for..._

"Thank you Mulder." She said softly, closing her eyes.

"No, thank _you_." He whispered, meaning more than he had intended.

He was saying thank you for loving me, thank you for being there for me. Thank you for choosing _me._

"Mulder, you're ever so… sweet today." She said, smiling happily and shifting upright and away from him so that she could turn and meet his handsome eyes. "I think you're taking the Christmas spirit a little further than normal…" She giggled as he stroked a piece of hair away from her face but looked at her seriously, his heart flowing with love for her. "-But I like it.." She continued. Mulder felt his heart racing. He never wanted to lose her. _Never._ "..What is it?" She asked gently with slight concern, noticing his serious face. She wrapped her hand around his which was now cupping her face. Mulder's eyes softened as she searched his eyes, wondering what thoughts were going through his head. "Mulder?" She asked in a whisper, begging with her eyes for him to speak to her.

"I… I just…" Mulder started with difficulty. She frowned in concern as she watched him struggle. "I just… I can't lose you."

Scully felt her heart skip a beat as he said this. She blinked once, then twice as she tried to figure out what was wrong with him. He was hardly ever like this. The orange glow of the fire was washing over his face and was outlining the lines and shape of his features. She loved him so very much. She was glad to say she knew nearly every story those lines told.

"Mulder…" She gasped, bringing his hand round to her mouth and kissing it softly. "You're not going to lose me... aw, sweetheart, I would _never_ leave you." She whispered gently, her heart aching for him in sympathy. She kissed his hand again then closed her eyes as her lips touched his skin. Then she opened them again, raising her eyes to his and smiled, his eyes full of adoration as he looked at her.

"You nearly did, before. You considered it."

Scully swallowed in shock as he brought this up. Why was he bringing this up now? On Christmas day, of all days. She couldn't speak as she knew that he was right. She had nearly never come home that day of the surgery…

"Scully I – I know it's Christmas and may be I've had a few too many beers but… I can't help saying this. It's been the back of my mind since the case. I am so worried that I am going to push you away again. I'm really trying hard, I _really_ am trying…" He said, his words coming out fast and his eyes stinging with tears. But Scully stopped him mid-sentence and pushed her finger to his lips, silencing him.

"Stop." She breathed, her heart aching with a mixture of pain and love for him. "I know you're trying. I know you are."

Mulder nodded in silence then she caressed his face gently. She had had a few glasses of wine too many also, and she was now highly emotional. "I will never leave you. _I swear._ I was wrong to say I was going to leave you and I'm sorry." She blurted out, tears now blinding her own vision as the thought of leaving Mulder almost killed her. How could she have been so heartless? Mulder's passion, is what made her fall in love with him. Of course it drove her crazy as they were supposed to be past that now, and she didn't want to chase monsters in the dark anymore. But he still did, _and she had to accept that._ "Listen to me, I think I've been too harsh on you…" She started.

"No Scully, you haven't…" He objected, but she shook her head.

"No, no. Mulder, I have. And I'm sorry. I have basically told you not to do what you love, what you are good at, and that is wrong."

Scully suddenly felt incredibly ashamed of herself.

 _How could she do this to her Mulder?_

But she knew why. The truth was that she was worried about what it did to him. It made him obsessive and insular, like she couldn't reach him. He wasn't at the FBI anymore so he couldn't do it every day. He had to do it himself, and that was what made him that way. Mulder frowned with emotion as she said these words, one hundred percent paying attention to her and not taking his eyes off her. This was a serious conversation that they needed to have, there was no doubt about that.

"Scully I don't want to hurt you, I know I can get distant when I think I'm onto something but I think I will be ok now I have worked on that recent case. It made me realise… how special this is. And I don't… I don't want to lose you…"

"-Mulder please, don't say that again…" She begged, speaking over him again.

"You're right, I'm sorry." He said gently, as he saw that she was distressed by his words. He frowned in concern and suddenly felt foolish for bringing this up on such a special day.

"I really don't want to hear that again. I am not going to leave you." She said firmly, hot tears now wanting to pour from her eyes as she loved Mulder so much that it hurt. Mulder nodded silently.

"Ok." He whispered, then they both fell into each other's arms, holding each other tightly. "Ok, I'm sorry. I know, I know you won't."

Scully brushed away tears from her eyes as Mulder rocked her back and forth, kissing her hair and stroking it. The Christmas tree was sparking with multi-coloured lights and the fireplace was decorated with stockings. They had had a lovely day, full of laughter and most importantly, love.

"Please don't cry, it's Christmas Day." He said painfully.

"You started it." She said in a muffled tone as her face was buried in his thick jumper.

"I did. I just… I guess we are both exhausted and may be have had a little too much to drink… and eat." He said with a small grin. To his relief he felt her smiling in his arms.

"Just hold me Mulder. Stop talking." She begged, and he obeyed, squeezing her tightly into his chest.

They sat there together, just enjoying each other's company by the fireplace as the snow fell outside their living room window. Mulder didn't want to move. He didn't need to. He had all he needed right here.

* * *

Scully's heart was aching with a mixture of emotions as she lay against Mulder's warm, strong body.

Her mind was filled with happy memories of the day, shared with the love of her life and her Mother. They had been like a team in the kitchen, preparing the roast and serving the vegetables. Sure there had been a few mishaps with timing, but wasn't there always on Christmas day? And her Mother had not had to lift a finger, thanks to her sweet Mulder.

It was times like these when she could actually imagine them as a married couple. She closed her eyes and listened to the comforting sound of his breathing as it matched hers. _Mrs Mulder._ That could work… but.. no.

They didn't need a piece of paper to show that they loved each other unconditionally.

She didn't need it and nor did he.

Though it would be fun to refer to him as her husband, that was really the only reason she even considered it.

Her Mother had brought it up before, clearing wanting her daughter to be happy. But Scully was happy, happier than she could have ever imagined herself being.

Of course, she still had her nightmares about William, occasionally waking up in a cold sweat and calling his name. His birthday was always especially difficult. William was like their wound, but they carried it together. Mulder was a great support, _even though she felt as if she carried most of the guilt with her as Mulder had never really known his son..._

Their relationship had their serious ups and downs. But they were still here, they were still together.

They were strong, and they could survive anything…

… _couldn't they?_

* * *

 ** _PLEASE REVIEW XXX_**

 ** _Thanks for reading so far .xxx_**


	6. Chapter 6

**CHAPTER SIX**

 _(..this is a mature story, with adult content.. FYI)_

* * *

Summer 2009

Mulder had just finished his afternoon helping out at the farm.

He was sweating buckets, the heat of the sun was scorching as he worked, carrying hay bales and sweeping out stables, anything that was too much for the old man. Mulder didn't mind it at all, he had been helping him out more lately, just to keep his mind off the dark thoughts _that had been invading his mind just recently..._

He jogged back towards the house, his heart racing as he went. There was no denying that he was in great shape for his age, despite not working at the FBI anymore. He liked to push his body as far as he could.

Besides, he needed to keep fit. The year was approaching, every month which went past he became more and more obsessed, more focused on what he was going to do when it happened. He had to prepare, mentally and physically. _They had to be ready…_

Mulder suddenly realized that his mind was running away with him again. He needed to calm himself down. Scully kept telling him that it was going to be ok, that nothing would happen. But of course, he didn't believe that. He knew something was going to happen, _it had to…_

* * *

Scully placed her key in the front door and unlocked it.

The humidity in the air was stifling and all she wanted was to strip all of her clothes off and get a cold shower. She had been working non-stop recently, the hours getting longer and longer. She didn't want to be at work so much, especially as Mulder seemed to be getting more paranoid and insular again. _She was starting to get worried.._

As she stepped into the house she threw her doctors bag down on the floor and locked the door behind her. She raised the back of her hand to her forehead, feeling the sweat on her brow. She scanned the open plan living room and kitchen and realised she couldn't see Mulder anywhere, so she predicted he was back in his office, as usual.

 _Scully was trying not to let his actions affect her._

He was not as bad as before, and he had his reasons. She knew this was his passion and she had to let him be himself. She loved him, and she wanted him to be happy.

But he was slightly on edge. _There was no denying it._

"Mulder?" She called out as she slipped off her shoes and grabbed the newspaper from the kitchen table, fanning her face with it. Her hair was lank and sweaty, she had lost her hair tie when she had gotten changed after work today. She undid the top buttons of her blouse and walked bare feet towards the closed door of his office.

"Mulder?" She asked, softer than before as she wrapped a hand around the handle. Her heart was beating fast in her chest as she waited for him to respond. She hated it when he got so consumed in his work that he wouldn't even answer her.

"Hey." She heard his muffled voice from inside.

Scully let out a small breath of relief as she heard him, wanting to fall into his arms. Opening the door she saw him sat at his desk, hunched over something which he was reading intently. A soft smile appeared on her lips as she had a flashback of her entering the X-Files office for the first time, then remembered all the times she had come into their office after him and he had been the same, engrossed in some newspaper clipping or photograph. Her heart warmed slightly when she saw him, but then sank a little as he didn't turn around to see her.

"Hey. You ok?" She asked, walking towards his chair.

He was wearing a t-shirt and shorts and looked like he had just gotten out of the shower himself, his hair still damp.

"Been to the farm today?" She said, trying to get him to turn to her.

 _He still wasn't answering._ Scully reached her fingers out to touch him.

She wanted him to hold her and spend some time with her. She had come home too late the past two nights and she had slipped straight into bed with him sleeping beside her. She hadn't had the heart to wake him...

"Mulder?" She asked in a whisper, placing her hand on his shoulder blade, but then gasped as he jumped in response, throwing his glasses off his face and standing up immediately and turning to her.

Scully looked up at him with wide eyes, her heart skipping a beat as he was towering over her, frowning in confusion and slight annoyance. She backed away from him instinctively, immediately feeling a sense of dread as he didn't appear himself at all.

"Mulder? Mulder stop!" She spluttered out in complete shock as he looked down at her, his eyes full of annoyance. "What's the matter!?"

"Why did you sneak up on me like that!" Mulder snapped. Scully opened her mouth to speak but couldn't find the words. "You know I was reading something…!"

"Mulder! What the hell!?" She cried out in frustration as he was acting like a total asshole.

She was hot and she was tired. _She didn't want this kind of shit after a long day at work.._

* * *

As she glared at him with confused eyes, Mulder slowly began to back track and he realized now what he had done. He felt the tension in his body start to ease as he saw the reflection of how he was behaving by the look on her face.

 _And it wasn't good._ He was upsetting her.

Mulder blinked a couple of times, as the images of aliens and apocalypse slowly started to dissolve in his mind as he focused on the reassuring view of Scully in front of him. He took a deep breath, then placed his hands on the back of his desk chair to steady himself as he tried to calm his raging heart.

She wasn't speaking, but he knew she was still watching him anxiously.

Mulder was grateful that she hadn't left the office. He needed her there with him.

 _He had just gone to a very dark, depressing place._

"I… I'm sorry…" He breathed finally. He felt his heart aching with disappointment with himself and felt sympathy towards her. "I… I've just been reading about.. well you know... 20-."

"2012…" Scully finished in disbelief. She rolled her eyes and felt a heavy weight on her chest. "Mulder you _have_ to stop this."

"Scully please, come here." He asked gently, turning back to her and searching her face with his eyes.

"No.. No Mulder, not until you calm down.." She said, backing away from him and shaking her head sadly. Mulder felt the ground fall from beneath him.

Could she possibly be afraid of him right now? Surely not..

"Scully, please..." He begged. "I... I didn't mean to scare you... I'm sorry.."

"Mulder.. you didn't scare me.. I just.." She started, lowering her head slightly. She wanted him to hold her, _she wanted comfort from his arms._

He saw her try to act defensively, then slowly she softened, her beautiful blue eyes slightly watery as she looked at him and obviously saw from the look on his face that he was sorry. _He wanted to hold her._

"I'm sorry. Please, come here." He asked again, holding his arms out to her.

She let out a long breath and gave in, knowing full well that she couldn't resist him. She fell into his arms, wrapping hers around him also and squeezing him tight. She frowned with emotion as she rested her face against his chest.

He smelt _so_ good, he was just what she needed.

"Mulder what's wrong? Talk to me." She asked softly.

"I'm just scared Scully. I'm scared about what's going to happen. I have to try and stop it." He said, his voice full of pain and fear. She frowned with concern as she saw how helpless he felt.

Scully could sense his emotions so clearly. She knew him inside out.

"Mulder… we don't have any proof that anything will happen. Besides, we still have a few years yet." She said softly, pulling away from him and raising her hand to his cheek. She cupped it gently and stroked a finger across his stubble then across his bottom lip. His deep brown eyes looked like they were full of pain. She wished she could take the burden away from him. "Mulder please, I need a shower. I'm exhausted. Just, let me worry about the future for a little while, ok?" She said, forcing a small smile to try and make him happier.

"I can't let you do that." He breathed, then placed a kiss on her forehead. "I'm sorry. I was just really tense."

"I haven't seen you properly for two days. _I need you_." She whispered.

"I know. I've missed you so much." He said gently, kissing her forehead again.

"What are you reading Mulder? More conspiracy theories?" She asked in an exasperated tone. Mulder had bought so many magazines and newspapers along these lines recently. No wonder he was paranoid. "You're going to make yourself sick." She frowned with concern as she traced a line across his forehead and to his temples.

 _He looked incredibly stressed out._

"I'm sorry." He said again, closing his eyes as she touched him tenderly.

"I know. Come on, let's enjoy our evening together."

Mulder felt a tightening in his chest as her voice aroused him slightly. Suddenly he just wanted her. He wanted to show her that he was sorry for being acting that way. _And god, he had missed her.._

Scully pulled his face towards hers and then kissed him firmly and passionately. She wanted him to relax. She reached both hands up now and curled her fingers through his hair as she kissed him hard. Mulder was slow to respond at first, but then he was kissing her back and then Scully gasped with pleasure as he lifted her up into his arms. She wrapped her legs around his waist and hugged him close as he carried her out of the office and into the living room, where he proceeded to unbutton her blouse, exposing her bra and naked skin.

"Oh… _now_ Mulder… _make love to me_ …" She moaned in ecstasy against his lips as he pushed his hand under her bra and kneaded her nipple with his fingers. He didn't waste any time and laid her down on the sofa. Scully gasped again in passion as he pulled her bra down, exposing both her naked breasts.

Mulder stood up in front of her and was quickly undressing. He was completely naked as he stood before her. Scully slipped off her briefs and bit her bottom lip playfully as she watched him undress. He was in such good shape. _And she was so wet right now…_

They locked eyes, the passion and love for each other still so strong after all these years. At times like these they felt unstoppable. Like no one could feel the same way they did.

And then he was climbing on top of her, then he was pushing inside of her, causing her to groan in pleasure as he thrust in and out with great skill, knowing exactly how she liked it. He caressed her breasts and nipples as he did and kissed her neck then her chin.

"I love you… I'm sorry…" He breathed against her soft skin as he heard the heavenly sounds of her cries of pleasure. "I'm sorry Dana…" He repeated again. " _I'm sorry_ …"

* * *

 **PLEASE REVIEW**

 ** _MORE TO COME!... Starting to get more ideas now !_**


	7. Chapter 7

**CHAPTER SEVEN**

Two Hours Later

Scully cuddled up next to Mulder on the loveseat outside on the terrace.

She was covered in a blanket and was snuggling into his shoulder, breathing in the smell of his skin. She closed her eyes and felt her heart ache with love and comfort. Their love making had been passionate and fast, but it had been just what she had needed. Mulder had then made his special pasta again, much to Scully's delight. She had not wanted to cook tonight. _He was so good to her._

Mulder seemed relaxed now also as he nestled his face in her hair and pulled her closer. They were in their night clothes, but it was so warm outside this evening there was no need to wear anything else.

"This is nice." She breathed in pure happiness.

"Yes. Are you warm enough?"

"Yes. Absolutely." She smiled.

"You full of _'pasta a la Mulder'_?"

Scully giggled happily. She was indeed. She ran a hand across his chest and rested it just over his heart, enjoying the sensation of it beating against her skin.

"Look at that…" Mulder said in a soft voice as something caught his eye. Scully frowned in confusion as he knocked her out of her dreamy haze and raised her eyes up and blinked, wondering what he was looking at.

"What?"

"The stars. They are really bright tonight."

Scully looked up into the night's sky and saw the stars glistening. He was right, they were very bright this evening. _They were also beautiful._

"I always wanted to live out in the country." Mulder said, his voice low and calm. Scully felt the butterflies flutter in her stomach as the rich tones of his voice filled her ears. She loved it when he was like this...

"I know." She smiled. "You told me already… a hundred times…"

"Well, I was just checking that you had been listening." He chuckled, then kissed her forehead gently. Scully snuggled into him closer, enjoying every second of this moment. "I wonder how old those stars are. Billions of years old, right?"

"Yes Mulder." She mumbled wearily into his shoulder.

 _She was struggling to keep her eyes open, the warmth of his body so comforting._

"Just think about it Scully. Somewhere out there, there is an planet with alien life. That is pretty much undeniable now from what we know. I wonder if they are watching us right now."

She smiled to herself as he talked about aliens. He was right of course, they had seen so much. But she was always the skeptic, and time away from the X-Files had made her memory a little fussy. She knew that if she saw anything paranormal now, she would _probably_ believe in it, but right now, she just wanted to sleep...

"Mulder?" She said with a yawn.

"Yeah?" He asked with a smile. _He knew that she didn't want to talk about this._

"Let's go to bed."

Mulder chuckled again and looked down at his sleepy Scully. Her hair was disheveled and messy, but she looked so adorable. Her cheeks were flushed, probably from all the pleasure she had experienced earlier, _over and over again..._

Mulder felt like a total stud as he smiled proudly. He was so glad that he was able to make her happy. He loved her so much, _she was like a goddess._

"You want more?" He smirked, his voice full of passion as he teased her and nibbled her ear lobe playfully. But she objected his advances, pulling away from him and wrapping the blanket around her shoulders.

"I couldn't. You've officially made me exhausted." She said, rising from the seat. Mulder got up with her and wrapped his arm around her waist. "You are looking very smug.." She observed.

"Well, yes... can you blame me?" He spoke into her ear, pulling her close as they walked back through the front door. Scully turned in his arms and then hugged him again, squeezing him tight.

 _God she loved him so much. He was like a drug to her._

"I'm just going to the bathroom." She smiled as she raised her head to his. Mulder placed a kiss on the tip of her nose and nodded in response silently.

As he pulled away from her she immediately felt colder. She quickly went to the bathroom and washed her face, then brushed her teeth in a hurry, longing to get back to the warmth of Mulder's embrace.

As she flushed the toilet she looked in the mirror and saw how flushed her cheeks were. She looked like she had had a good time...

But wait, surely she should have had her… no… _was that right?_

Suddenly she felt a slight panic come over her as she realized... she was late.

As she looked at her reflection in the mirror, the colour now draining from her cheeks slightly as she racked her brains, she tried to figure out if she was right or not.

 _How many weeks now?_

Surely it hadn't been six weeks since her last period…

No way. It was impossible. It must just be a false alarm.

But… _what if it wasn't?_

Scully gasped in shock, raising a hand to her stomach and placing it there. She wondered if she could remember feeling any different recently.

She was always very regular. Sure, she had been stressed out at work lately and that would possibly cause something like this.

 _Yes, she was sure it was just stress..._

But as she glared at herself in the mirror again, she felt her chest tighten and then felt a little faint. Panic started to take over her body as she started to consider what if...

 _What if she was pregnant?_

No… it was impossible.

Scully shook the thoughts from her mind and switched off the light, then made her way into the bedroom where Mulder was waiting for her, wrapped up in the covers and reaching an arm out towards her. She tried to appear normal, smiling at him as she walked around the bed and got under the covers. She was glad that it was dark and he couldn't see her now paler complexion.

"Mmmm night night Scully. I love you." Mulder mumbled as he pulled her closer, wrapping his legs around hers and kissing her on the lips as he pulled her body closer to his.

"Night night Mulder." She whispered gently, kissing him back then settling down on the pillows.

She closed her eyes and tried to sleep.

After a few minutes her brain was still elsewhere, wondering what the hell was going on.

 _How had she not noticed this before now?_ Was she so engrossed in her work that she had forgotten? They didn't use birth control as they knew the chances of conceiving her extremely thin.

William had been a miracle. There was _no way…_

But as she opened her eyes and watched Mulder sleeping, so peaceful in front of her, a small ray of hope filled her heart as she imagined them becoming parents once again.

But it wasn't possible… was it?

Scully let out a long breath as she tried to ignore the tension in her body and she forced herself to sleep, telling herself she would do a test tomorrow at the hospital.

 _Then this would all be put to rest…_

* * *

 ** _EEEEEEEEEEE!_**

 ** _Please review!_**

 ** _Mulder and Scully forever xxx_**


	8. Chapter 8

**CHAPTER EIGHT**

She had found it difficult to sleep with so much on her mind.

Scully opened her eyes and looked at the alarm clock. _ **5am.**_

She had about an hour until she would usually get up for work, but she knew it wasn't worth staying in bed.

Rolling over to face Mulder, she felt her heart well with love as she saw him, sleeping soundly. She smiled to herself and raised her hand to his cheek gently, then cupped it, running her thumb along his stubble. Her heart was racing inside as she imagined what his reaction would be if she were pregnant. _Would he be happy? Scared? Worried about the baby?_

She was feeling these emotions as she considered being a Mother again. She knew it was impossible, surely?

She couldn't be a Mother.

She was _barren._ William had been a miracle, caused by… well they just didn't know. That was why he was different, and that is why he was a miracle.

 _But what if it did happen again!?_

She saw his eyes blinking and then he woke up slowly, looking at her with his deep brown eyes. Scully felt her heart skip a beat as he stared into her soul in the dim light of the morning. She smiled, happy to see him. She needed him right now, she just hoped that she hadn't woken him up.

"Hey." He said in a croaky voice. Scully kept her hand on his face protectively.

"Hi." She whispered.

"What's wrong?" He asked pensively. She bit her tongue, knowing that she shouldn't tell him. _Or should she? May be she should tell him?_

No, not before she knew for sure...

"I just had trouble sleeping." She said after a pause. Mulder's eyes were full of love and concern as he knew something was bothering her.

"Why?" He asked softly, then let out a yawn and shifted on his pillow, raising his hand to hers which was rested against his cheek then squeezing it gently. He pulled it towards his lips and kissed it softly, closing his eyes again sleepily.

"Just a lot on my mind." She said, yawning herself now as Mulder's caused a ripple effect.

"Tell me?" He asked.

Scully paused again, knowing that Mulder always wanted her to open up. But she wasn't like him, it took a lot to get her feelings out. She preferred to bottle them up inside, but he was the only person that she would talk to, apart from her Mother.

But she knew that she had to keep this from him, until she knew for sure…

"Just… things." She said with a small smile as he looked at her with frustrated eyes, but he understood. "I'm going to get a shower."

"No." He mumbled with a slightly selfish tone, then reached his arm around her body and pulled her closer to his. Scully smiled happily as he cuddled her close, then her forehead was against his. "Don't go to work. Call in sick."

"Mulder…" She chuckled, "-don't be silly. I have to go."

"I don't want you to go." Mulder breathed, placing a kiss on her soft lips.

"I'm getting up." She whispered softly, kissing him back then running a hand through his hair. She took one last breath then tore herself away from his warm, protective arms. It was always hard leaving him in the morning, but she had a job to do...

* * *

Our Lady of Sorrows - 2.10pm

 _Negative.._

The test was negative.

Scully propped herself up on the side of the toilet cubicle, taking deep breaths as she was feeling a mixture of emotions, some relief and also… unexpected disappointment.

She closed her eyes for a moment and remembered what it was like to have a child growing inside her. She saw herself looking in the mirror, her pregnant belly clearly visible as she rested her hand against it. She was her younger self, her short red hair neatly styled, her long suit jacket now covering a sweater as her shirts didn't fit her anymore. And Mulder was abducted, and she was alone… _but she had her child_. She didn't know it then, but it was a boy, a beautiful, red headed boy with blue eyes like her own.. _little William.._

She suddenly realised now that she was sobbing, the memories flooding back to her like waves as she saw it all again.

She saw her journey to Motherhood, Mulder pulling her into an embrace as he agreed to be her sperm donor, then the birth, the terrifying, painful birth… and then the beautiful first few months of his life. But it hadn't lasted long, as she had had to give him up for adoption as he had been in danger…

"Oh god.." She exclaimed as the sobs erupted from her chest and now her mascara was running, and she was staring at the negative test as it rested on the top of the toilet cistern. She had not expected these feelings of disappointment. Not at all, they had taken her by complete surprise.

Had she actually wanted this baby? _Of course._

She just hadn't admitted it to herself yet.

She wanted to be a Mother, she wanted her baby… _but may be she just wanted William back…_

"Dr Scully?"

Scully jumped in shock as she heard the concerned voice of one of her female colleagues on the other side of the door. She brushed away her tears with frustration and tried to pull herself together. She was a total wreck. All she wanted was to go home, to fall into Mulder's arms and tell him everything that she was feeling. She needed him so badly...

"Please just… leave me alone." She managed, her voice cracking with emotion.

Who did this woman think she was? _Couldn't she get any peace?!_

"I… I'm sorry I just.. can I help at all?" The woman asked, then Scully recognised her voice as one of the nurses.

And she had a surgery to perform. _Oh shit,_ she was late for surgery...

"I… I'm sorry I just… just had some bad news. It's personal."

Scully grabbed the pregnancy test and shoved it into the pocket of her doctors coat so that no one could find it. Grabbing some toilet paper she blew her nose and swiped the tears from her face, trying desperately to look somewhat reasonable. But she knew this wouldn't help much, she was in a state...

Pushing the door open violently, she stormed out of the cubicle, knocking the young blonde nurse backwards in surprise. Scully couldn't bear look at her.

 _She didn't want anyone to judge her._

Taking a deep breath she went to the basin and splashed cold water over her face, trying to calm herself down. But she felt as if she was trembling. She wasn't sure that she could perform the surgery...

"Are you sure you are going to be all right?" The nurse asked in a small voice, backing away from her anxiously to give her space.

"I… I'm not.." Scully started helplessly, raising her eyes to the mirror as she stared at the sorry state of herself. Her hair was messy and her eyes were red and sore from the all crying. She felt slightly nauseous. "No." She finished in defeat. "I need to go home." She sighed heavily, feeling like a failure.

The nurse paused and Scully caught a glimpse of her nodding silently in the mirror behind her. Scully felt terrible for letting everyone down, let alone the patient. She usually threw herself into work at times like these, but this wasn't an X-Files case. This was serious surgery, and she had to admit that she wasn't in a fit state to concentrate..

"Can Dr Woods take over?" Scully asked, forcing herself to sound strong. But inside she was falling apart. She had to remain professional.

"Yes. I am sure he can. I will ask now, don't worry Dr Scully. I will let everyone know that you have to take some personal time." The nurse said kindly, but Scully wasn't in the mood for her kindness. She would probably regret it later but she just needed to get out of the hospital, so she pushed past her without saying thank you, because if she said a word she would end up sobbing again on the floor of the bathroom. _She had to get home._

"Dr Scully? Do you want me to call someone..?" The nurse called after her in surprise, but Scully ignored her and the bathroom door swung shut in her face.

 _Inside she was screaming._

Yes, I want you to call my partner. I want you to call Mulder and get him to pick me up.

I _need_ him.

But she didn't want to speak.

She didn't want to appear weak. _She wasn't like that..._

Scully felt as if she was in her own world as she stormed out of the hospital, through the busy corridors and towards the car park. She was sure that people she knew and colleagues had seen her and had been shocked at her appearance and stony manner, but she didn't have time to worry about this now.

May be she could regret her actions tomorrow.

But right now, she just wanted to go home…

* * *

 **PLEASE REVIEW!**


	9. Chapter 9

**CHAPTER NINE**

Mulder was in his study reading up about an alien sighting in Nevada when his phone rang by his side, making him jump. He was so engrossed in what he was reading that the sound took him by surprise. He picked it up and frowned in thought as he looked at the number. It was Scully's hospital.

He felt his heart rise in his chest as he knew immediately that something wasn't right. He never had phone calls from Scully's workplace, only from Scully herself on her cell. He answered it immediately, wondering what could possibly be wrong..

"This is Fox Mulder?" He said firmly, standing up from his chair and pacing into the living room, needing a clear space for his head which was not clouded by conspiracies and aliens…

"Mr Mulder, this is Dr Woods, Dr Scully's colleague. I have you down as her emergency contact on her file?"

Mulder couldn't breathe. Emergency contact… _emergency…_

"What's happened to her?"

"I'm standing here with Nurse Hart who has told me that Dana left about an hour ago in a very emotional state. We are all worried about her, it is very unlike her to storm out of work like this, particularly just before a surgery."

Mulder frowned with heavy concern and felt a wave of worry and fear wash over his body as he pictured her now. He could see her clearly, emotional and distraught. _But why?_ The Doctor was right, this was so unlike her.

But wait… an hour ago? And they were telling him this _now!?_

He swallowed nervously as his eyes darted around the living room, wondering what he could do to help…

"I… I don't know why she would do that either." Mulder spluttered in confusion, worry raging in his heart for Scully. "Where is she now?" He demanded firmly.

"We don't know, we were wondering if she was with you?"

"She's gone? She's driving!? And wait a sec… _an hour ago_!? Why didn't you call me earlier!?" Mulder exclaimed.

"Listen Mr Mulder," Dr Woods sighed, which annoyed Mulder further. "..I was in surgery. Performing _her_ surgery to be exact. We're just calling you because we are concerned. We wanted to may be find out if something has happened, a death in the family may be? Something that she isn't telling us?"

Mulder's breathing started to get faster as he knew that this was so out of character for her. Had something happened that she hadn't even told _him_? Surely not.

She told him everything...

"No… nothing that I know of." Mulder said with difficulty as he racked his brains uselessly.

 _He had to call her._

"Well, I hope she feels better soon. Please, if you could get her to check in with us tomorrow?" The Doctor said in a sympathetic voice, but Mulder was already hanging up.

He needed to call her.

 _He needed to know she was ok..._

And he really didn't like the thought of her driving on her own if she was distraught, and she clearly was if she had just walked out of work like that. May be Margaret had suffered another stroke? Mulder felt hot tears of sadness and frustration sting his eyes as his heart ached with worry.

He really hoped not.

 _He loved her so much that it felt like someone was ripping out his heart out of his chest…_

"Scully… pick up… pick up…" He mumbled under his breath in frustration as he dialed her number. It rang out, but she didn't answer. Mulder took a deep breath as it went to voicemail. She could just be driving and unable to answer the phone…?

He hung up then dialed again.

 _Answer phone._

Mulder shook his head in annoyance then dialed again. She _had_ to answer. He wouldn't give up until she answered the _god damn phone…_

"Mulder?"

His heart leaped into his throat as he heard her voice, small and laced with tears. She had finally picked up. Mulder sank into the nearest chair as he felt his legs turn to jelly beneath him. He was struggling to breathe properly but now he could hear her voice, he knew she was at least still alive…

"Scully? Where are you? What's the matter?!" He asked urgently, tears welling in his eyes more now as he heard the sadness in her voice.

"I'm two minutes away." She said, her voice full of emotion. He leapt to his feet immediately then ran towards the front door, swinging it open with a bang. And then he was on the terrace, scouring the area with his eyes.

"What happened? I got a phone call from the hospital, a guy called Dr Woods. He said you just left?!" He asked frantically.

"I know Mulder. I'm nearly home. I'll be right there." She said in a low voice, and before Mulder could ask her any more questions she hung up.

* * *

He stared at the phone in sadness and disbelief.

She was acting so strange, something was obviously really wrong.

Mulder brushed the tears away from his eyes and prepared to be strong for her. He had to be the strong one now, she clearly needed him...

The minutes felt like hours but finally, he saw her car pulling around the corner and up along the dirt track, then he was running down the wooden steps and through the long grass. The sun was not as hot today and it was clouding over. The long grass was swaying in the breeze as he ran through it, towards her car. She pulled up beside him, a little farther away from the house than she usually would.

Mulder saw her face through the window and knew immediately that she was hurting. _He couldn't bear to see her this way._

He grabbed the handle and pulled the car door open, bending down to her slightly and resting his hand on her shoulder. He searched her face and saw that she had evidently been crying, she looked as if she had been through something terrible and was still only just coming to terms with it.

"Scully? I've been so worried!" He said, his voice slightly frantic but then he softened as he saw how upset she was. "Scully please, it's ok… come here…" Mulder said gently, and as he spoke he saw her lower lip tremble with tears. His heart broke into pieces as she started to cry, her beautiful face crumbling in front of him. She clicked her seatbelt out of the lock and then fell into his arms, Mulder holding her tight as she cried into his shoulder. He stroked her hair and squeezed her tight, her body shaking in his arms as the tears fell.

"Shhh, it's all right." He whispered into her ear, trying to calm her down, but it was useless. She was in a terrible state. Mulder couldn't even begin to think what could be going on.

Only a few things made her this upset, anything to do with William, or her Mother, or him of course...

He hoped that none of this was his fault. Mulder tried to think of anything he had done to upset her recently, apart from his outburst last night. The only thing he could think of was Margaret...

* * *

Scully stumbled out of the car and into Mulders arms.

He supported her weight as they walked up the wooden steps and onto the terrace, then in through the front door. He led her towards the sofa and they sank down into it, Scully still crying into his chest. She slipped off her heeled shoes and pulled her legs up towards her so that she was almost curled up into a little ball. Mulder carefully pulled her legs over his knees and cuddled her into his lap with both his arms. She buried her face in his shoulder and he caressed her back, trying desperately to soothe her as she cried.

Mulder's mind was all over the place with worry. He was sure now that Margaret had may be _died?_ He hadn't seen her like this for a long time. He didn't want to pressure her with questions.

He would wait until she was ready to tell him what was wrong.

"Shhh, I got you." He soothed after a few minutes, just when he thought her tears were subsiding slightly.

"Hold me Mulder. Please don't let me go." She spluttered into his shoulder, which was now damp with tears. Mulder frowned with sympathy and concern as he heard her small voice, so timid and fragile, so unlike her.

"I won't. I'm here." He said firmly as he started to rock her back and forth gently. Mulder was trying everything he could to help. He didn't know what else he could do.

"Mulder…" She blurted out suddenly, then Mulder looked down to see her gazing up at him with tear stricken cheeks and red, puffy eyes. He raised his hand to her hair and ran his fingers through it, brushing back her red strands. His heart was literally in pain as he saw how upset she was. He swallowed nervously as he sensed that she was about to tell him what was wrong.

"Yes?" He asked softly.

"I… I took a pregnancy test."

* * *

His heart literally stopped for a second.

He frowned in confusion and tried to remain composed, but the words were still playing over and over in his ears.

He almost did a double take. _Surely he had not just heard her right…_

But her eyes were full of truth and desperation, and almost fear. She seemed nervous about his reaction so he swallowed down his emotions and stayed strong.

 _He had to stay strong for her…_

"Oh… Ok…" He started, unable to find the words.

Scully's lower lip trembled again as she seemed to sense his feelings. Mulder had to show her that he was ready to hear whatever she had to say.

"It's ok. You can tell me anything." He said gently, brushing her hair behind her ear.

"My period was late. I realised last night." She said, blinking and turning her eyes away from his. Mulder sensed that this was very difficult for her to talk about, hence not looking at him. But he respected what she was going through so he didn't take offense. He could hardly breathe as he waited for her to continue. "I didn't want to tell you until I knew for sure." She whispered, her eyes glistening with tears again. Mulder nodded silently. He understood that.

"I understand." He said softly.

"I took a test today Mulder, at work. It was negative."

Mulder took a deep breath as he heard her say the words that he had been expecting.

 _Of course, this all made sense now._

He frowned with heavy concern again as he knew how difficult this must be for her. He didn't know what to say...

"And… I wasn't expecting to be disappointed. I mean, I knew that it was impossible. But… I guess I had a small glimmer of hope that may be… just may be… we would have another miracle…" Scully said, then her voice broke off into more tears.

Mulder closed his eyes as he felt her pain. He pulled her closer to him again and rested her head against his shoulder protectively. He hugged her tightly in silence, his own heart aching with slight disappointment. But he was feeling such a mixture of emotions as he had never expected them to be in this position again. He had never expected to have another baby. Like Scully said, it was impossible.

"I'm sorry Dana." He whispered into her ear as he hugged her close. "I'm so sorry."

She nodded in thanks as she hid in his embrace, wanting to remain there forever.

"I just… I just miss our little boy so much!" She cried out in distress.

Mulder felt his own tears threaten to fall but he had to be strong in front of her. He was her rock.

"I know you do." He said gently, squeezing her tighter as her tears continued to fall. "I know how hard this must have been for you."

"I'm so sorry Mulder. I'm such a mess."

"Don't you dare Scully. Don't apologise to me. I love you so much." He said firmly but tenderly, kissing her hair and rubbing her back. He closed his eyes as he wrapped his body around hers, keeping her warm and safe.

But inside his heart was hurting also. The memories of William came back to haunt him too from time to time. And this was no different. He had not been in his life like Scully had, but he loved him just the same.

And he felt terribly responsible for Scully's pain…

"I miss him, I want to see him Fox!" She exclaimed through sobs. Mulder felt the familiar guilt come over him as he held her as she was now inconsolable. He knew that whatever she said now wouldn't make any rational sense. But he would be there for her until she was feeling better.

 _Mulder just hoped it would be soon, as this was now more painful than he could ever have imagined..._

"You know we can't see him. You know that." Mulder said as gently as he could, not wanting to upset her further.

"Why! Why has this happened to us! It's not fair!" She screamed.

Mulder couldn't hold back the tears now, but he was glad that she was buried in his chest so she couldn't see them. They ran down his cheeks as she started to scream and shout and she said some crazy things, some irrational things that he knew she didn't mean.

He closed his eyes and held her as she lost it, shouting out about William and how she was his Mother and she wanted to be in his life, and that he could be dead for all she knew, or an alien, _or some kind of freak..._

Mulder knew she didn't mean a lot of what she said, but it was hard to hear her like this.

He almost cut her out, her words now swimming together and making no sense.

 _He was just there to hold her._

* * *

 **PLEASE REVIEW**

 **:(**


	10. Chapter 10

**CHAPTER TEN**

Scully went further downhill in the next few days, lost in the sad memories of her little boy. Mulder felt useless as all he could do was try to comfort her, but he feared she was too far gone for him to make any difference…

He looked over to her, through the front door as she sat on the terrace, a large glass of red wine in her right hand as she sat on the wooden love seat, her face covered by her left. She had been drinking a lot in the last few days, but who was he to judge? He was hurting too, but he had to be the strong one, she was in pieces. He had never seen her this upset before regarding William.

And he was surprised that he was upset too that she wasn't pregnant. He had had to take a moment to himself this morning in the bathroom, away from her. He didn't want her to see him cry.

He had to be _her_ shoulder to cry on.

Mulder sighed heavily as he watched her, knowing that she was deep in thought and sadness. Her shoulder length red hair was loose and lank, it seemed to be losing its beautiful colour slightly. Mulder noticed this whenever she was sick or exhausted, it would dull a little, but she was always beautiful to him. He leant forward on the sofa and checked his watch. It was 4.30pm and he wanted her to eat something tonight. She hadn't eaten anything for as long as he could remember.

His brow furrowed with heavy concern as he saw her take a larger gulp from the wine glass.

Should he go out there to comfort her?

The humid air was putting him on edge as he fought with his emotions, trying to decide what to do. But she answered his thoughts, as he heard her call for him.

 _"Mulder?"_

He stood up immediately and pursed his lips together anxiously, then paced towards her.

* * *

He took a deep breath as he walked up to the front door, leaning against it and folding his arms. He felt his heart ache as he looked down at her, her skin paler than usual. _All he wanted to do was hold her._

"Hi." He said in a soft voice. "You ok?"

"Yes, I just wanted to make sure you were still here." Scully said, her voice wavering slightly.

Mulder frowned in confusion and felt his heart call out for her as she said these words. He immediately bent down to her level and placed his hand on her knee, looking up at her with loving concern. She lowered her hand from her face and shot him a small smile, then reached out for his hand which was resting on her knee, which he laced into his quickly and squeezed reassuringly.

"Of _course_ I'm here. Why would you even ask that?"

Mulder searched her face for answers. Was she thinking she had pushed him away? He saw her lower lip tremble with the threat of tears and he really hoped that she wouldn't cry.

"I… I don't know…" She said in a whisper, then pushed the thought away with another sip of wine. "I guess I thought that may be you had had enough of me."

Mulder frowned in hurt and confusion. The wine was making her appear slightly lightheaded and her speech was slightly more drawn out than usual, he knew that she had been drinking all day and hadn't eaten. Also the sunshine had probably made the effect of alcohol worse.

He tried to push his feelings of sadness and hurt away as he knew that she was going through a huge ordeal. He had to be understanding.

"I don't want to hear you talk like this again. You know that nothing would ever make me leave you. _Nothing_."

Scully raised her eyebrow at him questioningly, as if she didn't believe him. Mulder was more hurt by that, but he forced himself to remain strong. He raised her hand to his lips and kissed it softly, and she seemed to soften slightly as his touch. Mulder saw her crumble slightly, as if she was sorry for what she had just said.

"I'm sorry Mulder." She blurted out, a single tear running down her cheek as she met his gaze. Mulder sighed heavily and nodded in response, to tell her that it was ok. But Scully was now looking out towards the countryside surrounding their home and her blue eyes looked as though they was lost in thought, her mind elsewhere, as if she was imagining something...

"What is it?" Mulder observed.

"It's so beautiful out there." Scully whispered in a distant voice. Mulder turned to follow her eye line and then turned back to her with a frown.

"It is..."

"William would have loved it here, don't you think? So much space to run around in, to play ball…" She said, her voice drifting off slightly. Mulder felt his heart ache with pain as he heard her speaking this way. He had always imagined playing ball with William. It was one of the images that came to haunt him in his dreams, _what he could be missing out on.._ "Do you think he plays ball Mulder?"

She was looking directly at him again and her blue eyes glistened in the afternoon sun. Mulder clasped onto her hand for dear life as he tried not to show any heart ache.

"Yes. I do." Mulder managed in a small voice, blinking back the hot tears which were threatening to fall. Scully didn't seem to notice his sadness, which he was relieved about. He kissed her hand again and desperately tried to change the subject.

"Come on, I need you to eat something tonight." Mulder said, trying to get her attention again as her eyes drifted out to the fields once more.

"I'm not hungry."

"Scully, you haven't eaten for days. _Please_ , my love. You have to eat something."

She sighed heavily and closed her eyes for a moment, as if the question he was asking her was too difficult to deal with right now.

He just wanted her to eat something, a slice of toast, a piece of fruit… _anything…_

"All right." She breathed finally, opening her eyes and catching his deep, loving gaze again and surrendering to it. Mulder felt his heart lift with relief as he slowly got back to his feet, pulling her arm up towards him gently.

"Come on, let's get inside." He said softly.

"Mulder, I'm going to cook. It's not fair you cooking all the time." Scully said suddenly, then she was getting to her feet, which Mulder noticed were a little unsteady. He reached out to help her but she brushed him off, seemingly determined to do things herself. "No! I'm ok. I don't need help, I have been planning on cooking something for you for a few days. You go and sit down on the sofa and I will cook… dinner…" She said between taking a last sip of the wine, finishing it.

Mulder opened his mouth to speak in disagreement but she was already through the front door and staggering into the kitchen. He watched her with uneasy concern. He didn't want her to cook, but he knew that there was no choice in the matter. Scully wasn't going to take no for an answer.

"All right, but I'm going to sit here and make sure you are ok." Mulder said, sighing with a little frustration as he walked over to the kitchen table and sat down, watching her opening the refrigerator door and pulling out plate of beef.

"No Mulder, I'm ok. Just go and watch some TV, I will be right there." She said stubbornly, then waved her hand towards him to get out of the kitchen.

Mulder paused for a second, but then forced himself to leave her. He knew that Scully was incredibly independent and when she was on a roll with something, there was no way he could stop her. He told himself that she probably needed this, as it would take her mind off William…

"All right." Mulder said with difficulty.

At least she was doing something, and she was going to eat.

 _It was going to be ok, she would get better._

Mulder felt a wave of relief wash over him, although he wanted to keep an eye on her. He let her get on and switched on the TV, but he wasn't really watching it. As the minutes went past he heard her working away in the kitchen, louder and more clumsily than usual.

He settled down on the sofa and turned his attention to the news anchor talking about falling stock prices…

"Arghhh! SHIT! _God..Dammit_!"

He jumped out of his seat and to his feet as he heard her cry out.

He had heard the pain and shock in her voice. It was undeniable.

Mulder turned around and saw the terrible sight of her holding her hand in pain like a small child, trying to protect it from further damage. Blood was pouring from her hand and to the kitchen floor.

"Scully!" He exclaimed in panic as he ran towards her, then grabbed onto her arms to keep her steady. Her blue eyes were staring at her finger in shock. Mulder guided her towards the kitchen table and noticed her face was pale as she stared at her injury. "It's ok Dana, sit down." He said as calmly as he could.

"I need to dress it… Mulder I need a bandage…" Her voice was drawn and Mulder could hear the frustration and annoyance in it. But she was in no state to look after herself right now. He had to do it.

"I know, I know…" He said gently, trying to remain calm as he saw the deep cut that Scully had. He felt slightly nauseous as he saw that she had really gone to town on it. "It's ok, just sit down."

It had gone right down to the bone and there was a lot of blood. _He hated blood._

"Mulder! The bandages in the bathroom!" She cried out through gritted teeth and then to Mulder's shock she staggered back to her feet, but Mulder grabbed onto her again and stopped her.

"Scully sit down!" He snapped, causing her to look at him in shock. But he didn't care, he wanted her to stay still. "I'm going to get them now, just _stay there_!"

* * *

 _Scully frowned in anger at herself, her heart beating fast with a mixture of alcohol and adrenaline.  
_

How could she had been so stupid? So careless?

 _She had just been cutting up some carrots for gods sake…_

"Mulderrrr!" She groaned in desperation as her hand was throbbing. She could dress it herself, she was a Doctor for gods sake!

She could do it. _What was taking him so long?!_

"Mulder! Mulder hurry up!" She blurted out, her mouth dry from all the alcohol she had drank today. She knew that she was in a sorry state right now, and she hated herself for it.

Mulder reappeared in the kitchen and Scully noticed how panicked he looked. He was _not_ good with blood.

Poor Mulder, he really didn't have to do this…

"It's ok Mulder. Just... gimme.. give me the bandage." She slurred, the blood now all over the table. She held out her free hand to him but he ignored her and sat down in front of her then pulled the bandage from the plastic coating with his teeth. Scully frowned at him in annoyance, the alcohol now fueling her further. "Mulder! _Just give it to me_!"

"No Scully! Stop it!" He snarled at her, then grabbed onto her arm and pulled it towards him so he could examine her. "Just... just _shut up_ for a minute!"

Scully opened her eyes wide in shock at his words. He had never, _ever_ told her to shut up...

"Wha ... _What?!"_

"I said be quiet! Please Scully, I need to concentrate. You are really hurt here, it's gone right down to the bone." Mulder said firmly.

"Mulder it's fine! Let me do it!" She exclaimed, tears now springing to her eyes as Mulder bound her finger tightly with the bandage and the pain started to throb. But he continued to ignore her. To Scully's surprise, it actually looked like he wasn't doing a bad job… "Mulder!" She exclaimed, but now she was taken aback by the care he was taking not to hurt her. He was so gentle with her and he was not listening to her cries. And she knew that this must be difficult for him, as he was not skilled like her. She tried not to judge him.

Scully blinked the tears from her eyes and they ran down her cheeks as she watched Mulder take care of her. She saw that he was not going to take any more of her shit. _And she deserved that._ Of course, she was hurting, but she was also being stubborn.

And he was looking after her, and for her own good.

She knew that she had been drinking a lot, and that Mulder was right to do this for her. Deep down, she now realized this. It had just taken her longer to come to her senses as she was lost in a sea of wine, her mind blurred and irrational.

She started to sober up as he finished dressing her wound, then he slowly raised his eyes to hers. Scully felt her heart soar with love and emotion as he looked into her soul with so much concern. She let out a small, embarrassed sob and he pulled his chair closer to hers in response. She knew that he was going to comfort her, and she wasn't even sure she deserved that right now. Scully felt her heart skip a beat as he reached out to her face and cupped it with his free hand.

She was trying so hard not to cry, but it was impossible not to.

"All done." Mulder whispered gently, brushing a piece of hair behind her ear. Scully nodded silently and bit her bottom lip. She couldn't speak. She suddenly felt incredibly foolish. "I'm sorry Scully, but you were in no state to do that…"

"I know." She spoke over him, her voice wavering with tears. "I know Mulder."

There was a silence between them and she felt her chest rise and fall heavily as the tears ran down her cheeks. She was blushing heavily.

"I'm sorry." She breathed weakly, hanging her head low with shame. Mulder didn't let her feel this way for long, and he pulled her into an embrace, wrapping his arms around her as she cradled her cut hand in front of her. Mulder hugged her protectively.

"Mulder I need to go to the hospital. I think it needs stitches." She said finally, pulling away from him. Mulder looked into her sad, deep eyes and felt his heart ache. He reached up to her face and brushed away her tears with his thumb. "I feel so stupid. I'm drunk for god's sake."

"You're not _that_ drunk. Trust me, I have been in worse states." Mulder said with a small smile, in an effort to lighten the mood.

"I can't go to work. I can't show my face like this." She said sadly, a fresh tear running down her cheek again. Scully felt a wave of shame flow over her. _How could she be so selfish?_

Surely Mulder was hurting too?

"All right. We won't. We will go to a different one. Come on, let's go." Mulder said softly as he brushed the fresh tear away.

"I'm so sorry Mulder. For everything, I have been acting so badly. The things I've said to you… I haven't even asked you how you feel about all of this…" Scully said, her voice getting faster as her emotions took over and she was crying again, which made Mulder's heart ache with sadness.

He hated seeing her like this.

"Stop it." He said simply, then pulled her into another embrace. "It's ok..." He repeated into her ear gently, "It's ok... I'm ok..."

* * *

 _But it was not ok._

 _Mulder was hurting. He felt guilty for what he had started._

 _Although he knew it was slightly irrational, he felt guilty for everything that Scully was feeling._

 _HE was the reason that she had been abducted in the first place._

 _HE was the reason that she had become barren.  
_

 _HE was the reason that she become pregnant_

 _HE was the reason that she had to give up her little boy_

 _HE was the reason for Scully's pain_

 _He was the reason for it all..._

* * *

 **PLEASE REVIEW!**


	11. Chapter 11

**CHAPTER ELEVEN**

October 2010

Mulder looked down at his phone as it rang, signalling to him that his contact was calling.

It came up simply as the letter 'H', which was how he wanted to be known.

He actually didn't want to talk for once. He had plans for today. But his curiosity was too much for him. And him being Fox Mulder, he had to answer it.

"Mulder."

"Mr Mulder. I have some news for you. I believe you may want to meet me."

"Where?" Mulder said, his voice slightly agitated as he glanced at his watch. He needed to be leaving soon.

"The monument, tonight at 10pm."

"I can't do that." Mulder sighed, knowing that his contact wouldn't be happy that he wasn't going to meet him, but also agitated as he knew that this was now getting in the way of his plans with Scully. He didn't want this to consume him. They were good at the moment, really good.

 _He didn't want anything to ruin it._

"You can't? Or you won't?" The contact snapped.

"I _can't._ Reschedule." Mulder snapped, then put the phone down.

As much as he wanted to hear what his contact had to say about the impending invasion, which Mulder was well aware was getting closer every day, he needed to remain focused on his relationship with Scully. They had gone through a very rough patch in the last year, with the pregnancy scare. Mulder had nearly fallen into a depression, but he had managed to pull himself out of it.

He was ok, they were ok. _They were happy again._

Mulder had plans, and he was not going to let anybody ruin them, not tonight...

* * *

Our Lady of Sorrows Hospital, 6.05pm

"Dr Scully? Are you going home? You've been here for over twelve hours."

Scully smiled thankfully at the nurse. Her back was hurting, her feet numb. She needed to go home, she knew that. Sometimes she just needed someone to tell her.

Her work was very important to her and she was working more than ever recently.

"Yes. I am." She said breathlessly as she pulled off her gloves and threw them in the nearest disposal unit. Scully smiled at the nurse again and made her way out of the sliding doors of the ward and down the long corridor she must have walked down a thousands of times, day after day to the locker room. She was desperate to get a quick shower before she left. She didn't like turning up at home smelling of hospital, she didn't think that was fair to Mulder either.

 _Mulder.._

He was being so sweet recently.

They were so good right now. The rocky patch they had gone through was now over, and _thank god_. Scully smiled to herself as her heart quickened as she thought of him. She was excited to get home, to jump into his arms and kiss him fiercely. Even though she was always exhausted by the time she got home, she always made sure she had time for her Mulder, even if it was just a kiss and cuddle on the sofa.

 _She loved him, god, she really loved him._

And she had accepted the fact that she would never have another child, and she was finally ok with that… well, as ok as she could be.

Scully pulled off her clothes and then grabbed a towel. She pulled her hair out of its small clip and shook it free. It was now a lot lighter and easier to manage as she had cut it short again.. _almost as short as it had been in the 90s,_ she thought with a small grin.

As she stepped into the shower cubicle and switched on the water, she closed her eyes and took a deep breath, enjoying the therapeutic feeling of the hot, heavy water pressing into her muscles and aching bones, looking forward to gazing into Mulder's deep brown eyes when she got home and feeling so safe and secure. She closed her eyes and lifted her head back, feeling her body literally creak with tiredness.

 _William still haunted her dreams.._

Sometimes she still woke up in a cold sweat, calling his name, and Mulder would comfort her, telling her that it was just a dream, and she would then fall asleep again in his arms. She would never, ever forget William, and she would never stop thinking about him. She would always hope to see him again. _She had to accept that she probably never would..._

Scully finished washing her hair then switched off the shower, then grabbed her towel from the hook outside the cubicle. She wrapped it around her and stepped out, the steam swirling up off her naked skin around her.

As she slipped on her casual trousers, straightening herself up as she pulled them up her legs, she suddenly thought that she caught a glimpse of someone in the mirror, _staring_ at her.

Scully cried out in shock and slammed her locker door shut, spinning around violently and feeling her senses on high alert. Her heart was pounding as she looked out into the empty locker room in front of her. Someone had definitely just been there. _She had seen a man staring at her._

"Who's there?" She called out fearfully, immediately wishing that she still carried a weapon. She missed her gun. It made her feel safe. Of course, she was well trained in self defense, but she had lost her touch slightly after years away from the bureau.

She wasn't the same person as she had been then, not without some Quantico refresher training.

Her breathing slowed as she couldn't see anyone. She must have imagined it. _May be?_

"Scully?"

Scully gasped in shock as she heard the voice from behind her, but she knew after the initial fear of hearing it that it was Mulder. She could recognize his voice anywhere.

"Mulder!" She exclaimed breathlessly, turning to face him and raising a hand to her chest, resting it on her raging heart. "Mulder?! What are you.. what are you doing here!?" She asked in surprise, a smile erupting from her lips as she saw that he looked slightly bashful, and also very well dressed. He was wearing a suit, and he had a bunch of red roses in his hand.

"I… I didn't mean to scare you." He said as he edged towards her slowly. He noticed with concern that she seemed very frightened. "Are you ok?"

"I'm fine!" She said with a nervous laugh, trying to appear normal. "You just came out of no where! And you never come here Mulder, what's going on?" She asked, her cheeks blushing slightly as she looked at the flowers in his hands with more detail this time. The were stunning. She felt butterflies flutter in her stomach as he looked so handsome and adorable. _What was he up to?_ This was so unlike Mulder.

"I wanted to surprise you. We are going out tonight." He grinned, his brown eyes meeting hers. Scully could hardly breathe.

"Mulder! I… I don't know what to say! I have nothing to wear!" She chuckled as he was now standing in front of her and grinning back, one of the widest grins she had ever seen on his face...

"I sorted that. I brought your dress from home, your little black one." He said playfully, then to Scully's delight he produced the very dress that he was talking about from behind him, neatly on the hanger.

"Oh my god!" She gasped happily, then without being able to control herself she grabbed the flowers from his hands and then leapt towards him and kissed him on the lips. Mulder kissed her back lovingly, closing his eyes in total bliss as her soft lips explored his own, causing his stomach to flip in excited somersaults. Scully was literally standing in front of him in her loose fitting trousers, her hair dripping wet and a simple black bra, but to him she had never looked so sexy. He could have made love to her there and then against the damn lockers, but he had to control himself.

This was Scully's place of work, and he had a whole romantic evening planned. Plus, _he wanted to see her in the dress._

As they finally pulled away, Mulder gasped for air and hung up the dress against her locker door. He could not stop grinning. It was as if he was like a teenager again.

"Get that dress on. I'll be waiting for you outside." He said in a low, sultry voice, wrapping his now free hands around her small, perfect waist. Scully gasped with excitement then nodded in silence. Mulder saw her bite her bottom lip and it almost drove him crazy.

"I have to do my hair…" Scully breathed against his cheek.

"Hurry up. We have reservations Miss Scully..."

* * *

 **Please review!**

 **;)**


	12. Chapter 12

**CHAPTER TWELVE**

Downtown Washington D.C. 7.29pm

Mulder wrapped his arm around Scully in the back of the taxi cab, slipping his hand down to her lower hip and resting it there. He edged closer to her and held her against his own body, then placed soft kisses on her cheek and neck, making her moan with pleasure.

"Mulder… Mmmm Mulder…" She gasped as he kissed her sweet skin over and over.

She looked _stunning_ in that dress.

He had seen her in it a few years ago, but she hadn't worn it since. It had always been his favourite, the straps across the back were thin and crossed over each other, exposing her beautiful back and her perfect shoulders, and _god,_ she looked so sexy in it. Her hair was different too, as if she had a bob again like she used to, but it was slightly more modern.

Mulder was no expert on women's hair but he liked it a lot. It brought back memories for him.

"You look so beautiful." He breathed into her ear. Scully closed her eyes in response and smiled, snuggling into him and running a hand along his leg. She was loving all the attention. They had already shared a few drinks at a bar but then Mulder had whisked her away into a taxi cab, telling her that they had a table booked.

 _It was all very romantic and exciting.._

"Mulder, where are we going?" She said after a moment.

Mulder grinned as he looked forward to seeing her reaction to where he was taking her. He was really trying to make an effort. He wasn't the type to go wining and dining at his age, he had never really been the socialite, even in his younger years. But he wanted her to feel special. So he had bit the bullet and booked the most sought after restaurant in the city.

"We're nearly there. You'll see." He said tenderly, kissing her on the forehead. Scully looked up at him with her beautiful blue eyes and he almost lost his breath for a moment. _She looked like an angel._

"Mulder you shouldn't have, I know you don't really enjoy this kind of thing.."

"I wanted to treat you. I _love_ you." He said softly, then smiled at her lovingly. Scully smiled back, staring into his deep eyes with sincerity.

"I love you too. So much." She said, her voice full of truth. Mulder stroked her hip with his fingers, enjoying the fabric of her dress against his skin. "I promise I will show you exactly how thankful I am when we get home…" She grinned sexily, reaching up to his face and running her finger down his strong jawline teasingly.

Mulder took a deep breath at her words. He had to control himself.

"Holy shit Scully…" He gasped in arousal and then let out a small, excited laugh. "Boy am I looking forward to that!"

Scully's eyes were bearing into his and he couldn't hold back. Mulder kissed her lips again, not before nibbling her bottom lip ever so gently, teasing her. She closed her eyes as he pulled away and _he couldn't wait to get her to bed…_ "But Scully, I have a confession to make… we aren't going home tonight." He stated, then tore himself away from her captivating gaze as the taxi driver pulled up outside their destination.

* * *

Scully frowned in confusion as the taxi stopped and she heard Mulder's words.

 _If they weren't going home, where were they going?_

As Mulder paid the taxi driver she leaned across the seat and looked out of the window. Mulder was slightly in the way but she soon knew exactly where she was.

Scully couldn't believe her eyes. She was amazed.

"Mulder! This must have cost you a _fortune!_ " She gasped in excitement and disbelief, but Mulder was already grinning back at her and grabbing her hand, pulling her from the taxi in excitement and then into his strong arms as they looked up at the plush Hotel and Restaurant before them. It was doused in lights and lavish décor. As the taxi driver pulled off they held each other for a moment, taking it all in.

 _Mulder was happy that Scully was happy. He had obviously done something right…_

"Well, what are we waiting for? Let's go eat!" She exclaimed excitedly.

Mulder laughed again as he watched her giddy reaction, then laced his arm around her and placed his hand on her lower back, his favourite place.

* * *

Scully felt her stomach flip again as he placed his hand on her lower back, _she loved it when he did that._

She felt so sexy and safe in his arms, and he looked so handsome in his suit. He looked younger, more like the Mulder she fell in love with. It was as if they were re-living a happier time, when the were young and more attractive, when they couldn't keep their hands off each other.

As he led her to the Hotel entrance, her heels clipping as they entered the marble floored lobby, she realised that she couldn't even remember the last time they had gone on a date. They had never been that kind of couple, mainly because they didn't really need it- they knew each other in and out, but she knew that Mulder was doing this for her.

And he was also celebrating their happiness, she was sure of it.

Because they had survived a potential break up just recently, and they were still together.

 _And they were happier than ever right now…_

* * *

 ** _PLEASE REVIEW!_**

 ** _Sorry its a short one... xx_**


	13. Chapter 13

**CHAPTER THIRTEEN**

The restaurant was busy, romantically lit with candles on the tables and beautiful paintings adorning the walls.

Mulder and Scully were sat in the far corner.

Scully smiled across the table at her Mulder, looking a little out of place and nervous. She was so grateful that he had booked this for her.

"Mulder, this is so romantic." She blushed, smirking at him to show she was impressed. He smiled back and took her hand across the table, linking his fingers through hers.

"I wanted to show you that I love you."

"I know you do. You don't have to show me." She said softly, her heart aching for him slightly.

"I don't know about that. You deserve this." Mulder said in a low voice, looking away from her gaze for a moment. Scully frowned in slight confusion, wondering why he had avoided looking at her when she said that.

"Mulder what's wrong? What do you mean?" She asked gently.

"Nothing, I just… I just… Scully I have to tell you something…" He started, his heart beating fast in his chest.

He had to tell her that he had been meeting up with his contact. She didn't know, and it was eating him up inside to lie to her about it.

"What?" She asked, pausing slightly and feeling her chest tighten with anticipation.

 _Mulder seemed guilty, as if he was hiding something._

But she already knew his secrets. She hadn't confronted him about it because she actually didn't mind. She knew that he was concerned about the coming year, and she had to accept that he would obsess over it...

"Scully… I've been in contact with someone." Mulder said, his eyes still not meeting hers. He felt his heart race with worry as he wondered what her reaction would be.

"Oh Mulder…" She started sympathetically, squeezing his hand gently to try to reassure him, "I know."

He frowned in confusion then looked up at her again, his kind brown eyes locking with her haunting blue ones. He swallowed anxiously.

 _How could she know?_ He had hid it from her.

A small smile was still creeping up the side of her lips, which was surprised about.

 _Did she not mind?_

"As long as you are safe, and not doing anything stupid… I don't mind. Just, _please_ Mulder, be careful who you meet up with. You're not an FBI agent anymore."

Mulder was hearing the slight concern in her voice. He felt his heart lift in his chest with overwhelming love and respect for her. She was only concerned for his safety, she didn't mind. She was ok with his crazy ways...

"You sure you're not mad?"

"I'm not mad Mulder." She replied in a low voice, soft and comforting.

Mulder looked at her beautiful features and he just wanted to kiss her. _She didn't realise how stunning she was..._

"Thank you for being so understanding, I wasn't sure how you would take it."

"Turns out I knew all along. You can't keep secrets from me Fox Mulder." She said with another smirk, which was ever so sexy. Mulder felt his stomach flip and he almost forced himself off the chair and into her arms…

 _"Dana?!"_

An unfamiliar voice which sounded far too over excited to see her broke their moment, causing Mulder to look away from her blue eyes and towards the direction of the man's voice who was calling his soulmate's name...

* * *

Scully was rising to her feet, her black dress exposing her perfectly toned body again, but Mulder noticed now that she was moving away from him and towards a man, _who he could only presume owned the voice he had heard_ , who was young and handsome, well built and had a perfect, winning smile.

And he was actually moving towards her too.

Mulder felt his heart skip a beat as they smiled at each other happily and then, embraced…

"Danny! What a small world!" Scully exclaimed happily, hugging him.

Mulder stared at the two of them, rising to his feet now too.

He wasn't sure how to act. This guy had his hands all over her, her bare back and her dress… _what the hell?_

"Hi. I'm Fox Mulder. Dana's other half." He said suddenly, not realizing that he was speaking.

Scully turned, pulling away from Danny's embrace and looking down to see Mulder's hand extended towards Danny. She could tell immediately that he wasn't sure of him. Something was off about Mulder.

"Hi! I'm Danny, I work with Dana at the hospital. I only started a couple of months ago and she has made me feel _very_ welcome. Nice to meet you, she doesn't talk about you much." Danny said, taking Mulder's hand, _a little firmer than he expected_ , and shaking it.

He then dared to laugh after his last statement, _as if he was insignificant..._

Mulder felt a wave of anger wash over him which he hadn't experienced before.

He also felt a little sick… yes.

He was jealous. He actually felt jealous.

But why?

He took a deep breath as he retracted his hand from Danny's and pushed it into his suit pocket. These feelings were irrational, he needed to relax.

"I don't like to talk about my personal life to everyone at work Danny…" Scully said, raising her eyebrow in slight annoyance and slipping away from Danny, much to Mulder's relief, and moving over to his side. She linked her arm through his and gave him a little reassuring squeeze. Mulder was grateful.

"I know, I'm only joking." Danny said with a chuckle, then Mulder watched as he placed his own hands in his trouser pockets, _where they belonged…_

"So how come you are out tonight? Are you on a date?" Scully asked with a slightly teasing tone. Mulder glanced over at her and saw that her cheeks were slightly flushed. Why was she acting like this around him?

Was she... flirting?!

 _No... no she wasn't. He had to stop these thoughts..._

"No. I'm out with my sister. She's in town for the weekend. I just saw you over here and had to say hello, you look _great_ Dana."

 _Mulder could have knocked him out there and then, but of course, he was being irrational… right?_

"Oh Danny, please. This is my boyfriend, we have been together for a very long time…" Scully said, clearly flustered and embarrassed.

"She looks amazing doesn't she?" Mulder blurted out suddenly, "I'm so lucky to have her. Now, if you'll excuse us, we were just having a nice romantic evening." Mulder snapped, puffing his chest out without realizing, as if he was marking his own territory.

He glared into Danny's eyes, slightly threateningly.

"Oh… well ok. I didn't mean anything by it, I was just giving a friend a compliment." Danny said, raising his hands up in defense and backing away slightly.

Suddenly Scully felt terrible.

 _Danny hadn't mean anything by his comment…_

"Wait.. Danny. We are sorry." She said, frowning in annoyance at herself and reaching towards him. She placed a hand on his forearm and he seemed to soften slightly at her touch. "Please, have a drink with us after dinner, with your sister?"

Mulder bit his tongue as Scully touched him again.

 _He didn't want to have drinks with this man, not at all._

He could see that he had the hots for Scully, _his_ Scully. He knew that she was gorgeous and sexy and that many men had lusted after her over the years, but this guy was a joke. He was so obvious, _so obvious that Scully couldn't even see it…_

"Sure! I would love to. Hey Mulder, what do you drink buddy? Bourbon?" Danny asked, motioning towards the bar and flashing his expensive designer watch as his suit jacket was stretched back as he lifted his arm.

Mulder pulled Scully closer to him.

"Sure. Make sure you get me one. We will see you later." Mulder said, trying to make his voice sound as normal as possible. But it was difficult and he suspected that he had failed miserably.

Danny said his goodbyes and left, joining a blond woman across the restaurant, who Mulder suspected wasn't his sister at all, by the way he was fondling her as he helped her into her seat...

* * *

Mulder sat back down with Scully and they sat in silence for a moment, knowing that there was now an air of awkwardness between them.

Scully knew it and Mulder knew it.

The waitress arrived with their main course and they didn't speak for a few minutes as they started to eat. Finally, Scully broke the ice.

"Mulder, I know what you're thinking…" She started uneasily.

"-What am I thinking Scully?" He snapped, unable to hide his distaste. He immediately regretted it.

She lowered her knife and fork and threw him a glare from across the table.

He sighed. _He deserved that._

"I'm sorry."

"Danny is a friend. He is totally _innocent_. He may be a bit 'touchy-feely', but he is just being friendly." She said as calmly as she could. She didn't want to argue with Mulder, even though he was being irrational.

"Right." He said sarcastically. He regretted his words once more, or rather the tone of his voice.

But he couldn't help it.

He had blatantly just seen another man who was considerably younger and handsomer than he was grope the love of his life…

"Mulder!" She exclaimed, glaring at him again. "Are you seriously jealous? He hasn't done anything!"

"Yes Scully, I'm jealous. He clearly has the hots for you."

"Mulder!"

"Scully I'm sorry. I just… I love you so much." He sighed. "I'm sorry. I'm trying not to be jealous. I am being an asshole, I'm sorry." He said with difficulty, then reached for her soft hand again. But this time she hesitated in giving it to him. Mulder searched her face and tried to get her to look into his eyes once more. He felt guilt for acting this way. May be his secluded lifestyle was making him more susceptible to this kind of thing. "Scully please, look at me.." He pleaded, and slowly, she raised her eyes to his.

Scully felt her heart soften as she looked at Mulder, who looked genuinely sorry.

"It's ok." She said finally, lacing her fingers through his again. "I get it."

She forced a small smile as he looked at her lovingly. She felt sorry for him, of course she did.

There had been plenty of times when she had been jealous of other women in Mulder's life and she knew how that felt. It was damn terrible. Danny probably did have a crush on her, but she knew that nothing would happen between them because she loved Mulder, not unless Danny forced himself on her.

But she was a little disappointed that Mulder hadn't just realized that and ignored Danny's behavior, but she also felt flattered that he loved her that much that he couldn't stand another man giving her attention.

"He's a Doctor. We get along, that's all." She said gently. Mulder nodded silently. Her heart ached for him, he looked like a lost little puppy dog. "It's ok Mulder. You know I would never do anything to hurt you."

"I know that. It's not that Scully, I just didn't like the way he was around you." He said, protectiveness so evident in his voice. "Let's just forget it and enjoy our evening. I want this to be special." Mulder said, raising her hand to his lips and kissing it softly. "Just, be careful around him ok?"

Scully nodded silently. She realized now that Mulder was just being protective. She knew that he trusted her, of course he did.

 _They trusted each other with their lives..._

"I can't wait to get you out of that dress." Mulder said breathlessly as he kissed her knuckles.

Scully smirked and felt the butterflies return to her stomach.

She didn't want to remind Mulder just yet that they had agreed to have drinks with Danny and his sister after dinner, so for now, she enjoyed their familiar chemistry as they finished their meal, as if nothing had just happened...

* * *

 **PLEASE REVIEW!**

 _ **Danny grrr go away..**_


	14. Chapter 14

**CHAPTER FOURTEEN**

 _(once again, adult fic, adult themes.. if you are too young, don't read)_

* * *

Mulder bit his lip in anticipation as he saw Scully's strap of her dress drop down her shoulder.

It was falling down and exposing the soft whiteness of her left breast as she took a sip of her wine.

He cleared his throat and she looked at him with interest, her beautiful blue eyes staring into his, a small smile curling up the side of her lips. Mulder motioned towards her dress and she suddenly clicked, looking down at her strap and noticing it was slipping. She let out a small embarrassed laugh then pushed it back into place, meeting Mulder's eyes again, which were so clearly full of desire. She felt her heart skip a beat and her cheeks flushed. She wanted to go upstairs, _and she knew he did too…_

"Let's go. Are you all done?" Mulder's asked, reaching over to her hand again across the table.

Scully nodded but then stopped, remembering they had promised to have a drink with Danny after dinner.

"Of course. Everything was perfect. But Mulder, we promised Danny, remember?"

Mulder paused, remembering with regret that they had indeed said they would meet him after. He sighed impatiently, not wanting to meet up with that asshole again. _He couldn't bear seeing him flirt with Scully again._

"Yes, sorry. I forgot. Do we _have_ to?" He said, grimacing slightly. Scully raised an eyebrow at him in slight annoyance but she understood.

"Mulder I don't want to argue." She said gently.

"Are we arguing?" Mulder started, frowning in confusion and pulling back from her hand slightly.

"Not yet.." She said cheekily, her eyebrow now fully raised again.

Mulder was used to this judging look from Scully and quite frankly, he found it totally hot...

"Oh baby, raise your eyebrow at me again.." He purred, which made Scully laugh again, her cheeks reddening once more. She felt her stomach tighten as she studied his broad shoulders which were so clearly defined by his suit.

He was nearly bursting out of it these days, _his muscles so big and strong.._

"Mulder he's my friend, just one drink?

Mulder almost flinched at the word _friend._

"All right. Just one." He sighed finally, forcing a smile at his beautiful Scully. She looked absolutely stunning. "But I can't wait much longer." He grinned, taking her hand once more and kissing it gently.

Scully smiled at Mulder's affection.

 _She couldn't wait much longer either.._

* * *

"Hey! Dana!"

Mulder's hand was resting against the small of her back, the black satin of her dress soft against his fingers. And then Danny was leaning over and he watched in disgust as he kissed her on the cheek. Mulder had to restrain himself from saying something he would later forget.

He was being irrational again.. Right?

"Hey Danny. So, where's your sister?" Mulder asked sharply, pushing himself closer to Scully and up towards the bar so that he could order a drink, _fast.._

"Oh, she had to go." Danny said with a grin, which Mulder could see straight through.

It wasn't genuine, and he could sense Danny's dislike of him also. Mulder knew that the woman he had been with was not his sister.

"She had to go?" Mulder pressed, leaning against the bar and frowning in mock confusion at Danny. Danny nodded and let out a nervous laugh, then turned back to Scully.

"Yeh, she left. Ermm, so, Did you have a nice dinner?" He said, now directing all of his attention on her.

Mulder watched as she seemed perfectly normal. He saw her speaking to him as if she felt safe around him, which he was at least thankful for.

 _Mulder wondered if may be this really was all in his head…_

"You look stunning in that dress, doesn't she?"

 _Nope..! It was not all in his damn head…_

"Yeah. She does." Mulder said in a low voice, laced with threat. Scully sensed it and she heard it immediately and turned to Mulder in shock. Mulder expected it, but he didn't care. He looked at Scully for a moment and ignored her questioning glance, then glared back at Danny, who was once again too close to her for comfort. With a heavy sigh he grabbed his roll ball glass of whiskey and downed it in one, the warm liquor filling his body with relief for a fleeting moment..

"Mulder!" Scully exclaimed.

"Woah Buddy! This guy can knock them back! _Nice_! Hey, can we get another?" Danny asked the bar tender, who was quickly getting more drinks for him and Mulder.

"No, Mulder. I think it's time we went to bed." Scully said in a small voice, placing her hand on Mulder's arm and looking at him with slight concern as he hunched over the bar, staring into the bottom of his glass...

"Come on Dana! It's party time!" Danny exclaimed, grabbing onto her other arm suddenly, which made her turn on him in response, her body reacting in annoyance at his unwelcome hands.

"Hey! That's enough! I think you've had too much to drink." Scully cried out, her blood boiling in her veins now as she realised that may be Danny did have the hots for her.

She hadn't realised it before now.

"Dana! Come on! Stop being such a bore!" Danny spat out, reeling on her.

"No Danny. We said just one drink."

"But I want to get to know you better! If Mulder will let me that is..."

Scully was not quick enough to stop him and she cried out in shock as Danny suddenly grabbed onto the strap of her dress and then tugged it, causing it to fall down and expose her left cup of her bra.

"DANNY!" She exclaimed in horror as he stumbled towards her, his eyes now glassy and unrecognisable. Scully backed away from him as he tried to grab onto her again, and now it seemed their drama was now making the crowd around them in the bar start to back away and stare.

"WHAT THE HELL?!" Mulder roared, rising from his his bar stool and towering over Scully protectively, looking back and forth at her and Danny as if he was watching a horror movie.. _had Danny just tried to pull her fucking dress down?!_

"Come on Dana, just a little peek…" Danny slurred.

Scully stared at him in total disbelief.

He had seemed fine just a few minutes ago, how had he gotten so drunk?!

And she was trying to hold Mulder back now as he fought towards Danny. Scully knew he was livid and that he would most probably knock Danny out.

She didn't want to make a scene. She just wanted to go upstairs with Mulder and go to bed.

"You SON OF A…!" Mulder roared as she turned to him with tearful eyes, seeing the madness in his face. Scully placed her hands on Mulder's cheeks and tried to get him to look into her eyes, desperately trying to calm him down.

She didn't want him to get arrested, god forbid..

"Mulder it's ok. Let's just go." She begged, but Mulder was glaring at Danny behind her as if he was vermin, ready to be trampled.

"IM GOING TO KILL YOU!" Mulder roared.

"Oh for gods sake! All right, all right I'm sorry!" Danny blurted out, and then to their relief he sank onto the stool, his body slumping onto the bar which was now empty as people started to back away.

Scully felt Mulder almost lunge for him, raising his fist in the air as if he was ready to take a swing at Danny's head..

"NO MULDER!" She exclaimed, reaching her own hand up and grabbing his arm in mid air, catching him before he could do any harm. "It's not worth it, come on, let's go."

* * *

Mulder couldn't believe what he had just witnessed.

And the asshole was still sitting there, at the bar, _having a god damn drink when he should be fucking wearing it.._

"Are you all right Mam?" A tall man with glasses asked, the first person to speak from the crowd which was watching them. Scully nodded and took deep breaths. She fought back tears of shock as she tried to calm Mulder.

"Yes. I'm fine. Come on Mulder." She said in a small whisper, then pulled Mulder away from the scene slowly.

 _He couldn't stop looking at Danny.._

"I can't believe he did that. I can't believe it.." Mulder said, his voice hoarse as they made their way out of the busy bar and towards the elevators. His heart was raging in his chest with a mixture of emotions. Scully was still by his side, her dress now almost ripped by the force of Danny's pull on her strap. His lower lip trembled with rage as he noticed this, then he was unable to control himself as he turned away from her and started back towards the bar.

He couldn't just let this asshole carry on as if nothing had happened...

"Mulder no!" Scully begged from behind him and was running after him. She finally caught up with him and stopped him in his tracks. Mulder looked down at her and noticed that tears were falling from her eyes. This made him stop.

His heart ached suddenly and he was overcome with concern and worry. Scully stared into his eyes and raised her hands to his cheeks again, cupping them and she was saying something.

"What? What is it?" Mulder asked in confusion as her voice was fast and full of emotion.

"Mulder! Please don't. I can't bear to see you get into a fight, he's drunk, let's not let this ruin our evening…" She begged tearfully.

Mulder frowned with heavy concern her beautiful face crumpled with tears.

 _He had to let it go._

As much as it killed him, he had to for her. And besides, he knew if she had wanted to, she could have knocked him out herself…

Mulder finally let out a long breath of air and focused on her, his heart rate slowing back to a normal pace as he leant towards her and rested his forehead against hers.

"All right. I'll let it go." He breathed, which seemed to relieve her greatly. Mulder wrapped his arms around her and held her tight, rubbing his arms across her back to soothe her. He hadn't even thought about how she was feeling right now. "Are you ok?"

"Not really." She said, her voice muffled against his suit. Mulder cuddled her tighter, wanting her to feel safe and secure. "He's my friend. I would never have expected that from him. It's such a shock."

"I want to kill him."

"I know you do."

"Come on, let's go to bed."

"Yes please, I'm shaking." Scully said in a weak voice, raising her head to look into Mulder's eyes. Mulder frowned with sympathy and tried to ignore the anger in his body but it was difficult.

"I'm so mad." Mulder said firmly.

"'Me too. Come on, let's go." Scully said and Mulder nodded, leading her back to the elevators.

* * *

They held onto each other as they made their way up to the seventh floor, not letting go. Mulder felt better now they're were out of the busy corridor and bar area.

Mulder held her close as they walked towards their room and then he reached into his pocket to get the key. As they opened the door Scully quickly slipped inside, making her way towards the bedroom. Mulder watched with concern as she disappeared quickly, as if she just wanted to be alone. But he didn't want to leave her alone. He wanted to protect her.

If he was at all drunk of tipsy earlier that evening he certainly wasn't now, and he knew that Scully felt the same. He sighed heavily as the horrific scene played back over and over in his head.

 _At least he had been right about that asshole…_

"Mulder?"

He turned towards the bedroom as he heard her cry for him. His heart ached again with pain as he heard the desperation in her voice. Mulder rushed towards the door, pulling off his jacket and undoing his tie as he went.

As he entered the room he saw her laying in the bed, the covers pulled over her and her sad eyes staring at him in the semi darkness.

"Come to bed, please." She begged, a single tear running down her cheek again. Mulder didn't need to be told twice. He was slipping out of his clothes and down to his boxers then he quickly got in beside her and scooped her up in his arms, pulling her small frame towards his and wrapping his legs around hers. Mulder frowned with emotion as he felt his overwhelming love for Scully wash over him as they were body to body. This was always the best feeling in the world, when they were cuddled up in bed together, her soft skin against his.

"Scully baby, its ok." Mulder breathed sympathetically as he felt her tremble slightly against him.

"I-I don't know why I'm shaking. And the more I think about the fact that I am shaking the worse it seems to get.." Scully blurted out, her voice full of panic and emotion. Mulder hugged her closer and kissed her hair, running his hand up and down her back firmly.

"Shhhh it's ok, just relax. I got you." He soothed. "You have been drinking and you had a shock. That's why, it came out of no where."

"But you knew he liked me, from the moment we met him tonight you didn't trust him."

Mulder paused. He stared up at the ceiling as he held her, his mind going crazy with anger as he pictured Danny downstairs.

 _He wished he had punched him._

"What are you going to do?" Mulder said eventually after a small silence between them. Scully hugged her body closer to his and he ran his fingers through her hair.

"I don't know yet." She said in a whisper. "I will think about reporting him in the morning."

Mulder nodded. He didn't want to talk about Danny anymore.

"Let's not let him ruin our special night." Mulder said gently, running his hand across her shoulder blades and down to her bra. He could feel the lace against his fingers and he knew exactly which one she had on.

It was his favourite.

Mulder took deep breaths as he tried to control his urges. He was pretty sure that Scully most likely just wanted to go to sleep after what had just happened, and he didn't blame her. Besides he was still finding it hard to concentrate as he was still furious.

"Mmm Mulder. Make love to me."

Mulder opened his eyes wide as she whispered. He hadn't expected that. Slowly he looked down at her and she raised her eyes to his. Mulder reached down to her face and stroked away a loose piece of hair.

"Are you sure?" He asked in a soft voice.

Scully kissed his bare chest in response, then started to make her way down his torso, kissing it as she did, making Mulder gasp as her hair tickled his bare skin.

Mulder closed his eyes in pleasure and finally felt himself relax as she reached into his boxers then slipped them off.

As she came back up his body, kissing his skin again as she went, Mulder reached up to her bra and rubbed his hands over her nipples, feeling them harden against his fingertips. Mulder watched as she moaned in response, then she was straddling him, her legs wide on top of him as he caressed her skilfully. Mulder felt himself harden quickly as her groin rubbed against him as he touched her, and then she was undoing her bra and throwing it across the room, exposing her naked breasts...

Just as Mulder couldn't take her moans any longer, he flipped her over on the bed so that she was now underneath him, then he slipped his fingers under the elastic of her panties then pulled them down, raising her perfectly toned leg in his hands and running kisses down the inside of her thigh..

"Mmm, Scully you are so sexy.."

"Hurry Mulder.." She gasped, "..you are driving me _insane_ …."

* * *

 **PLEASE REVIEW! X**


	15. Chapter 15

**CHAPTER FIFTEEN**

March 2011

Our Lady of Sorrows Hospital

She was exhausted, so was glad to be going home earlier than planned.

Today had been awkward, to say the least.

It had been Danny's first day back after working in a hospital in Malawi. Scully had of course reported him to her superior after the incident at the Hotel, though she doubted it had made much of an impact. But, she had been glad to hear that he was going to be working overseas for the winter and secretly she prayed that he would never come back.

But she was wrong. _He was back._

Scully had brushed it off, coming to the conclusion that he had been drunk.

She wanted to believe that he would do anything like it again...

He had caught her eye earlier that day and had thrown her a smile, friendly and harmless, but she hadn't been able to return it. In fact, she never wanted to speak to him again. So, she had managed to stay out of his way.

Her late surgery now cancelled, she was looking forward to a shower then her journey home.

Scully said goodnight to the nurses then made her way towards the changing rooms. As she opened her locker and pulled out her phone she thought of Mulder and smiled, her heart warming at the fact that they would actually be able to spend some time together tonight. It had felt like months..

Scully dialled his number and waited, then it went to voicemail. She thought it was a little strange that he didn't answer but didn't ponder on it. She just wanted to get in the shower and wash off the smell of antiseptic.

Scully pulled off her scrubs and then glanced around the changing room to make sure she was alone. She then slipped off her underwear and wrapped her towel around her body. Slamming the locker shut she walked towards the showers and got in, the warm water rejuvenating her skin as it hit her.

After she was finished she climbed out, again wrapping the towel around her wet body.

Walking back towards her locker she opened it and pulled out her underwear, snapping her bra clasp together then pulling herself into it, then slipping on her black panties.

She smiled to herself as her mind ran away with her, planning for when she got home.

She pictured herself walking through the front door then stripping off as she walked towards Mulder, who would be on the sofa she imagined, _his mouth wide open in shock as she neared him…_

"Dana."

"Wha..!" She exclaimed as the heard the mans voice from directly behind her, making her jump out of her skin and spin around, slamming her back against the hard locker as she did.

She immediately came face to face with Danny.

She was literally just in her underwear, her wet hair a mess and still damp, beads of water running down her back as she wasn't yet fully dry.

She gasped in shock and backed up against the locker in reaction, the cold metal of it harsh against her skin.

"Danny!" She cried out, scrambling for her towel which was thrown over the bench next to her and desperately trying to wrap it around her in an effort to regain her dignity. She looked into his eyes and saw that they were horrifically familiar, the same glassy look in them that she had seen before.

But he was looking directly at her breasts, edging towards her menacingly.

 _This was not good. This was definitely not good._

"Danny get the hell out of here before you regret it!"

She was not afraid to use force this time. She was well aware she was alone and in danger.

"Dana please, I'm in love with you, I need you."

Scully stared at him in disbelief as he ignored her warnings and got closer.

"Danny! Stop it!" She shouted angrily.

"I missed you so much. I couldn't wait to get back.."

"SHUT UP! Help! Help!" She cried out desperately, as loudly as she could.

May be someone would hear, though there weren't many people around in this area this late at night...

"Dana shhh, it's ok. I won't hurt you, I'm sorry for what I did. I've had a lot of time to think about it and also to think about you. God I _need you_ so bad. I know that you want me too…"

"HELP!" She screamed as he towered over her, ignoring his mad words. Then, to her horror he suddenly changed, as if a light switch been flipped and he was now someone else.

Scully had experienced her fair share of monsters with her work on the X-Files and now she saw one again in Danny.

She felt hot tears spring in her eyes as he pressed his body into her, then proceeded to sniff her neck. Scully was momentarily paralysed but then snapped out of it, her training and instincts taking over...

"I said…" She started with gritted teeth, then grabbed onto his arm tightly then slammed her right knee into his crotch, taking him unawares and making him shout out in agony and cower backwards, "STOP!" She finished breathlessly, hoping that he would now give up.

"Arghh!" He exclaimed, holding onto his crotch for dear life, his face creased in anger and pain, "You bitch!"

"Get out of here Danny! I warned you!" Scully shouted, hot tears now blinding her vision...

"I love you Dana!" He shouted out, then to her surprise he launched himself towards her again, and Scully cried out as she grabbed onto his hands to stop him from touching her, but he overpowered her and slammed her against the locker with great force. She gasped in pain as she shock of the bang hit her by surprise, causing her to lose her breath for a moment. Danny was now running his hands all over her in her moment of weakness, and she felt sick.

She had to do something, but her hands were pinned down by her side.

"No!" She cried out tearfully. She was losing her composure, she couldn't let that happen, she had to stop him, _she had survived worse.._ "Get off Danny, please…" she whimpered.

"For gods sake shut up!" Danny roared angrily, then to her shock and horror he punched her across the face.

Scully felt her head swing to the side, the pain searing across her cheekbone and her vision swaying as she felt herself fall into the risk of losing consciousness.

Danny had a strong swing on him, that was for sure.

"Get the fuck of me!" She screamed in overwhelming anger and fury.

She was strong, she could defeat him. Scully tried to block out the pain and she frowned in concentration, blocking from her mind the feel of Danny's mouth and fingers against her naked skin. She thought of her training, _she was strong._

Danny was distracted now, thinking he had the upper hand.

Scully realised her hands were now free, so she grabbed onto his shoulders in a quick movement before he could react, then kneed him in the crotch against harder this time. Danny shouted out in agony once more then fell backwards, but she didn't stop there. She swung at him, punching him in the face once, then twice. Danny fell to his knees, manning in shock and pain.

Her heart racing faster than ever, she took off, running out of the changing room as fast as she could, through a sea of lockers and towards the door.

He was weak right now. This was her chance.

Just as she reached the door she suddenly found herself running into someone, then more people. And then she was being held back, but she wanted to get out of there, so she kept fighting against them, shouting that she needed to get out... that he was trying to _rape her.._

* * *

"Dr Scully! Dr Scully it's ok!"

She slowly came to her senses, clutching onto the security guards shirt as she cried tears which she had only just realised she was crying, fighting against him and trying to get free.

"We got him, it's ok." The security guard said, his calming voice slowly bringing her back to reality.

Scully felt her breathing get slower and her heart was beating in her ears. It slowly came back to a normal pace.

She was safe.

 _It was over..._

* * *

"Are you sure you don't want to call someone?"

The police office was talking to her, his voice soft and full of concern.

She held a cold compress against her cheek and closed her eyes sadly as the pain came over her again. It was throbbing, but she would survive.

She was ok.

And all she wanted was to go home, for all of this to be over.

She had been questioned about Danny. They had the original complaint on file and had thankfully put two and two together. Scully didn't want to tell the officer that she knew exactly what would happen to Danny now, seeing as she used to be an officer of the law herself, _an FBI agent in fact_.. as he told her as clearly as he could about the arrest and the court date.

No, she didn't want to testify in court.

She just wanted this to be over.

After he had asked her the last questions, which had had already asked her a few times, Scully smiled politely and said her thank you's to the police officers. She just wanted to go home. People were trying to act sympathetic, but she didn't want them to.

She wanted to go home, she wanted Mulder...

Finally, she had some space to herself. The excitement was now calming down, colleagues were now going back to work.

She sighed to herself sadly and tried to keep it together.

She didn't want to show any weakness at work. She wanted to scream and cry, but only by herself – _and may be with Mulder.._

"Mulder, where are you.." she sighed to herself as she called his phone again.

She had tried twice now, but he wasn't picking up. And she was trying not to be angry, but she was.

She needed him. She needed him now more than ever...

After a failed third attempt at getting through to him, she slowly got to her feet and wrapped her long cardigan around her now aching body. Her back was sore from the impact against the locker and her face was swollen. But she was ok, she was alive.

 _She had to be thankful that she was able to defend herself._

Scully shuddered as her mind drifted to the image of what would had happened had Danny succeeded with his plan.

She staggered down the corridor and towards the car park, looking forward to getting home and climbing into her warm bed, hopefully with Mulder by her side..

* * *

Unknown location, Washington DC

Mulder waited in the darkness, the rain plummeting down on his hooded jacket. His cold hands were pushed into his pockets and he took a deep breath, looking out at the deserted park, scanning the area for his contact. He really hoped he wasn't going to be taken for a ride this time, the past few meetings had been called off and he had been annoyed to say the least, especially as he had had to lie to Scully about it.

Mulder felt his jeans start to get damp as the rain poured down. It was terrible weather this evening, but at least he knew that Scully wouldn't be home until late. She was working more and more nowadays. Mulder knew it was because she was in demand. She was the best doctor there, of course, her experiences and talent second to none.

But as Mulder had driven past the Hoover building earlier that evening on his way into the city, he had been surprised at his reaction.

He had been nostalgic, he missed his work.

That was probably why he was doing this… meeting strangers off chat rooms in the dark night, possibly getting himself into danger by doing so, and lying to Scully about it.

He wondered if she knew. She had suspected before. He wondered if she was angry at him.

He really hoped not, us he couldn't stop himself. He had to do something, the date was coming, he had to find out if it was happening if not, what would become if him and Scully?

With their history he was afraid for them, he was afraid about the possibilities..

"Mr Mulder."

Mulder turned in surprise as the mans deep voice to his left snapped him out off is thoughts. He looked over immediately and saw. Hooded figure, on the other side of the bushes. Mulder slowly walked over to him.

"Don't come too close. Act as if we don't know each other,"

Mulder paused then felt a small smile creep up the side of his lip, the adrenaline pumping in is veins. Nothing beat the excitement of a risk for him, it was just who he was.

"I don't know you. I don't know you at all I fact. You contacted me… tell me what you know." Mulder pressed, his sensible side showing for a small moment. This felt good. Just like old times.

"I have a gun aiming at your head right now Mr Mulder.."

 _Oh shit._

 _Scully was going to kill him._

"Don't make any sudden movements."

"Erm ok, why the gun?" Mulder asked, his heart racing with slight fear now, mixed with adrenaline.

"Precautions, precautions. Can't have you telling anyone else about our meeting."

Mulder raised his eyes to the tall buildings surrounding him, his heart skipping a beat as he scanned the windows for any sign of a shooter. He couldn't see anything.

Maybe this guy was _bullshitting._

"You contacted me." Mulder snapped, feeling the pressure now. "Plus you stood me up twice."

"Apologies. I had to be sure that you weren't being followed."

Mulder signed in frustration.

"Tell me what this is all about."

"The invasion will happen Mr Mulder, as you were told."

He felt his heart race fast as he waited for the man to continue.

"Only thing is, it won't happen until 2016."

Mulder frowned in confusion. That couldn't be possible. He had heard it from that cigarette smoking son of a bitch's mouth before he was blown into smithereens.

"I don't believe you." Mulder snapped.

"Believe it. Also you may be surprised to know that rumours are flying around that he is not dead."

Mulder felt his brow furrow in annoyance at the shit was a listening to. He watched him die with his own two eyes. He was dead.

"Bullshit." Mulder said in a low voice

"Mr Mulder, don't test me!" The man said, his voice now crazed and annoyed. Mulder shook his head and turned away, wanting to get home to Scully.

"MR MULDER!" The man shouted as Mulder walked off.

"I won't tell anyone! And I won't tell anyone because it's not true. This has been a waste of time." Mulder called back over his shoulder, the rain still plummeting down. He was angry and upset, disappointed that this wasn't the news he had wanted to hear.

Mulder paced away quickly, leaving the man in this park alone, not believing either that there was a gun on him. And if there was, they probably would have used it by now.

He walked up to his car and got in, slamming the door behind him.

Mulder felt his heart raging in his chest as he got into the safety of his own car. His face wet and tired as he looked at his own reflection in the rear view mirror.

He didn't recognise himself. He was a man tortured and frustrated...

* * *

Mulder started the engine and scolded himself internally for getting himself into a dangerous and foolish situation.

Should he tell her that he had done this?

He wanted to share this news with her, even though he didn't believe it. If that cockroach was still alive there was a chance that they were in danger and that William could also be in danger.

He cringed at the thought of his son, his heart aching with momentary grief at the absence of him in their life, something he experienced often but not that he would tell Scully about as he almost felt as if he didn't have the right, not compared to her. But he also felt relief, relief that he had been put up for adoption. As painful as the decision was, he was glad that she had done it. No matter how guilty she felt, he never failed to reassure her that it was the right decision.

Mulder pulled onto the freeway as he made his way out of the city and into the cold, rainy night. His wipers were going fast, their rhythmic beating back and forth echoing in his ears as he sat in the car in silence, alone.

He pictured her at work, he beautiful red hair tied up away from her face in a clip and her face a picture of professionalism and concentration as she worked on a surgery. Mulder then remembered that his phone had been on silent since he got there, he doubted that she would have tried to contact him but he thought he would check, just in case. He secretly hoped she would come home earlier tonight so that he could hold her close in bed, instead of being like passing ships in the night which they had grown to be like nowadays. She always came home so late that she wouldn't wake him, and likewise he never had the heart to wake her in the morning either when he got up.

Mulder reached unto his pocket and slipped out his phone quickly, glancing at it momentarily.

As he looked at it his heart stopped.

 _ **5 missed calls**_

 _ **Scully**_

Mulder forced himself to concentrate on the road as he panicked slightly, his mind running away with him.

That meeting had shook him up, whether he liked to admit it or not. And now he was worried.

What had happened to her? Was she ok? She never usually rang him so many times unless something was urgent...

Mulder pressed the call button and his phone connected to the car, the ring tone blaring loudly out of the sound system.

He threw the phone onto the passenger seat then put his foot down, racing towards home as fast as he could.

 _She didn't answer._

He tried again, begging her out loud to pick up as he drove, as if she could hear him somehow.

Something was wrong, he could _feel it_..

* * *

 **PLEASE REVIEW! Xxxxx**


	16. Chapter 16

**CHAPTER SIXTEEN**

As she pulled up the dirt track, she could see that Mulder's car was missing.

Scully sighed heavily to herself, trying hard to keep herself together as she parked her car in the heavy downpour. She noticed it hadn't stopped raining all night.

It was late. 11.30.

 _Where was Mulder?_

She felt her heart ache in her chest with sadness and frustration at him.

Was this what he did when she worked late?

But she had to stop herself, maybe she was being a little over the top. He could just be getting some groceries, or some fuel for his car?

But deep down she knew he wasn't.

She knew Mulder better than anyone and she knew that he would be meeting up with someone, may be a contact.

 _She wished that he had just talked to her about it._

Blinking back tears of disappointment, she got out of the car as quickly as she could to escape the rain, but her back was aching and she was struggling.

"Ach! Dammit!" She cursed under her breath as she walked up the steps to the house, hanging onto the banister for support. Her clothes were damp with raindrops but that was the least of her worries. She was glad when she made it to the top and was sheltered from the rain. She walked towards the front door and opened it, relieved to be inside the comforting warmth of her own home.

Scully closed the door behind her and locked it, just to reassure herself. She didn't usually bother until she went to bed, there wasn't another house around for miles apart from the farm. But she was nervous and jumpy after the incident today.

And she was alone.

 _Where the hell was he?_

Her lower lip trembled with tears as she stared at their bedroom across the living room. Slowly she made her way towards the kitchen and considered pouring herself a large glass of wine.

She wanted to get clean and wash off the smell of Danny from her skin.

After pouring her wine she bit back the tears as she made her way into the bathroom and started to run a bath. Sitting down on the closed toilet seat she held her face in her hands then immediately flinched as she touched her bruises.

She couldn't believe that Danny had done such a thing. How dare he? _How dare he do that to her?!_

The tears finally took over and then she was sobbing uncontrollably as she let it all out. She took a large gulp of wine and then burst into more tears.

Her heart was breaking inside as she thought of Mulder.

She knew that he would be devastated when he found out that he had not been there for her right now. She knew that he would be upset and would apologise over and over, but she was so mad now that she knew that she wouldn't be able to accept his apology.

She wanted nothing more for him to be with her now, holding her close and making her feel safe and loved.

 _But he wasn't there._

She was alone...

Suddenly she felt her phone vibrating in her pocket. She knew it was Mulder without even looking, but she checked and sure enough, it was him.

"You're too late Mulder." She said between tears as she stared at his name on the screen. Taking another large gulp of wine she slipped out of her clothes and lay down in the hot bath, leaving her phone on the side, where it would continue to ring over and over...

* * *

 _Why wasn't she answering?_

Mulder tore along the dirt track, his heart raging uncontrollably with fear and worry.

Something had happened today, clearly she had needed him and he hadn't answered. Now she wasn't answering and he knew that it was because she was angry.

But why? What had happened?

He was more worried about her safety more than anything.

He hated not knowing.

He finally caught sight of her car, his face tightening into a frown as he looked at it.

 _Well, at least she was home._

Mulder felt a small wave of relief wash over him as he knew he would get to see her, at least he wouldn't be worrying all night about where she was.

The car came to a screeching halt as he pulled up outside. He was desperate to see her, he just wanted to lay his eyes on her and hopefully she would let him hold her, and everything would be ok...

He knew that she would be mad, he deserved that.

An angry Scully was always quite terrifying, but he would have to take it on the chin...

"Scully?" He called out desperately as he pushed open the front door with urgency, the rain plummeting down in the wooden roof.

He unzipped his drenched coat and hung it up by the door, his eyes darted around madly, trying to see any sign of her.

"Scully?!" He asked again, his heart pounding now and sweat beading on his brow.

He paced towards the bedroom, wondering if she was in bed. And as he walked through the kitchen, he noticed a nearly empty bottle of wine on the counter...

His heart sank as he saw her on the bed, her body turned away from him and facing the window. She was silent, possibly sleeping but he wasn't sure. He knew immediately that she was angry and was probably ignoring him on purpose.

Mulder was worried that she wouldn't talk to him. He was _scared._

"Scully?" He said in a hushed voice, walking towards her slowly. The room was in semi darkness, the only light from the bedside lamp which was on the dimmest setting. "Scully.. I'm so sorry. Are you awake?" He asked gently, reaching his side of the bed and sitting down on it just across from her.

He didn't want to push it. He wasn't sure what was wrong but he sensed the hostility from her now.

Sighing heavily when she didn't answer, he slowly got undressed, pulling off his sweater. He then removed his shoes and placed them by the bed as quietly as he could...

"Get... _out."_

He froze, her words striking him like a knife through his heart.

Frowning in hurt confusion, he wondered if he had actually heard her right. Had she really just told him to get out?!

"Scully…" He started, his voice tender but cautious.

"No Mulder." She snapped.

Mulder was shocked at the tone of her voice.

She sounded distraught.

He could sense her emotions and he knew that she was angry and upset. He just wanted to hold her, but it's sounded like she didn't want him anywhere near her...

"What happened?" Mulder asked in a small voice, worried about her reaction.

But she didn't say anything.

Mulder looked at her with worry, only seeing the back of her head and the outline of her body under the covers.

He stayed on the bed, even though she had asked him to leave.

He wouldn't leave without a fight. He wanted to soothe her, and he didn't want to go to bed angry...

"Scully please, I'm sorry I didn't answer your calls, I went to meet someone and had my phone on silent…."

"WHO MULDER?! _Who did you meet!_?" She demanded. He flinched at her tone, then jumped as she sat up in the bed suddenly, then turned to face him...

* * *

 _He had to take a breath._

Holy.. shit.

Her face.. her beautiful face..

The _bruises._

She had a bruised face.

And her eyes were red and puffy, as if she had been crying heavily...

Mulder frowned in confusion and opened his mouth in shock as he tried to imagine what the hell she had been through.

And he was so angry _, so very very angry as he now saw that someone had hurt her.._

"WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO YOU?!" He heard himself shout out in shock, then reached towards her with worry, just wanting to examine her injures. He wanted to hold her so badly, _he wanted to make her feel safe.._

"No Mulder!" She blurted out tearfully, then to Mulder's horror, she brushed his hand away.

Mulder stared at her, his heart breaking.

How could she push him away like that?

 _And what the hell had happened to her?!_

* * *

 _PLEASE REVIEW X_


	17. Chapter 17

**CHAPTER SEVENTEEN**

Scully's heart was racing, _and it hurt like hell._

Every beat of her heart was more painful than the next as she felt Mulder's worry. She loved him so much but she knew that this was going to be a terrible argument.

She couldn't bear to look at him, he was in shock.

She knew it, he knew it.

 _Mulder was livid._

She knew that this was going to be difficult to explain. She actually didn't want his sympathy right now, she couldn't stand it as she knew she would happily fall into his arms, but she didn't want to.

She wanted him to suffer like she had when he hadn't answered his phone. _How could he ignore her?_

She loved him and she didn't want to upset him, but she had been through a nightmare and had needed him. She may have been acting slightly selfish in doing so, but something needed to be said.

 _Mulder should have told her where he was going._

The taste of the red wine still on her tongue, she felt slightly dizzy from the alcohol and the mixture of medication she had swallowed earlier. The pain in her back was searing, but she tried to ignore it.

She didn't want sympathy - she wanted him to explain to her what the hell he had been doing _behind her back.._

"Mulder… please don't come any closer." She snapped, her voice wavering with emotion as she raised her hand towards him as he advanced to her side of the bed, his eyes examining her over, his face a mixture of panic and anger.

"Scully!" He said in astonishment.

The tone of his voice almost made her let out a sob and fall into his embrace, but she had to stop herself.

"Mulder, _don't_ …" she started, fighting back tears, ".. come near me."

"How can you say that?!" Mulder exclaimed, the pain evident in his voice. She almost fell to the floor as her legs turned to jelly beneath her as she heard him. "How can you possibly say that Scully.. to _me_? What happened to you? Did someone punch you?"

Scully felt her stomach tighten as she couldn't answer him, she couldn't bear his reaction.

 _But slowly, she nodded in silence, a look of utter horror now on his face..._

"Oh god.." He breathed, raising a hand to his mouth for a second as the news sunk in. "Scully please.. tell me who did this to you?! I'm so sorry I wasn't there, I'm so so sorry my love.."

"I called you." She interrupted him, her vision swaying with tears, "I called you over and over but you didn't answer." She said in a small voice, backing away from him as he stood in front of her on her side of the bed, desperately trying to get closer to her. The tears coated her throat as she remembered the feeling of being alone when she had gotten home. "I was alone. You weren't here when I got home. Where were you?!"

She had expected him to be there, _why hadn't he been there for her?!_

"I know, I'm sorry." He sighed sadly. "I had my phone on silent as I was meeting a contact, I'm sorry I didn't tell you." Mulder said, his voice hurried and urgent.

He was desperate to know what happened to her.

"Please, tell me who did this to you." He said in a low voice, clenching his fists in anger as he tried to control his rage as Scully was clearly upset with him right now. He took a deep breath as he looked at her face again, a clear bruise showing up on her cheek and a small cut on her bottom lip.

He was furious. _How could someone do this to her?!_

And Mulder could also see that she was in pain for some reason, he knew her better than anyone and knew when she was trying to hide it.

He saw red as he imagined someone hurting her, but _who_ could have done this to her?!

"What did your contact have to say?" Scully snapped sarcastically.

She threw him a disappointed look and he saw the tears glisten in her beautiful blue eyes.

 _He wanted to hold her so badly._

"It doesn't matter, it was a waste of time." He sighed deeply, lowering his eyes from hers in shame.

"A waste of time?" She asked incredulously, her voice rising with emotion. "A waste of _time_ Mulder…?"

She couldn't believe this. May be if he had found out something important or life threatening, she could have been more forgiving. She was unable to control herself now as the words tumbled out of her.

" _So I nearly get raped and you're telling me it was a waste of time?!"_

* * *

He felt as if someone had just punched him in the stomach.

He couldn't breathe.

 _And he felt nauseous._

"Wha… what?" He managed breathlessly, his mind running away with him as he tried to make sense of what she had just said.

Surely not. Please god _no..._

"Yes Mulder, that's right." She blurted out between the tears which were pouring down her cheeks freely.

 _Surely not, surely this was not happening. Not to Scully..._

But she was pushing past him in his moment of momentary weakness and as he wavered on his feet weakly as she knocked into his arm, she was pulling the throw off the bed and wrapping it around her shoulders, storming out of the bedroom.

* * *

"SCULLY!" He roared after her, finally gathering himself and rushing out of the bedroom and towards her.

He couldn't believe this had happened.

No wonder she was devastated.

Mulder was desperately trying to figure out who could have done such a thing, but then the horrible realisation hit him. She had mentioned something about Danny returning to work today. He had not been listening properly at the time, engrossed in his work in his office, which he now regretted wholeheartedly…

There was no way he would have let her go to work on her own.

He was so fucking stupid.

 _How could he be so stupid?!_

"I needed you, Mulder. I needed you today more than ever." She sobbed.

"Scully I... I don't know what to say. I'm here now... I'm so sorry, please, just come here I want to check you're ok." Mulder begged, his own eyes welling with tears now as he watched her.

She was hunched over the kitchen counter, holding onto it for dear life. The pain seared in her back again and she just wanted to rest.

"Mulder I can't… I just can't…" She said between tears.

"It was Danny right? It was that _asshole_ Danny.." Mulder raged, his whole body shaking with uncontrollable fury..

"It doesn't really matter who it was..."

"What?! Scully are you even listening to yourself right now?!" He cried out.

"Yes! Yes it was Danny! He cornered me in the changing room." Scully shouted over him as she knew he wouldn't stop asking her until he knew. "But I got away Mulder." She breathed weakly, closing her eyes as she tried to calm herself.

She hadn't wanted him to know, not yet, not until he had calmed down, as she feared he would do something irresponsible...

 _Mulder had to take a deep breath to stop himself from hitting the wall..._

"FUCK!" He exclaimed, running a hand through his hair angrily. "I swear to god I'm going to _kill_ him.." He growled under his breath, clenching his fists again as he imagined killing Danny and the satisfaction that would give him now..

"Mulder no, he's been arrested, there's nothing you can do.." Scully said sadly as she stared into the kitchen basin, unable to look at her Mulder.

"I don't give a shit, I will get to him somehow.."

"No Mulder!" Scully shouted now, desperate for him to stay.

She turned around and felt her heart rising to her throat with worry as she saw him grabbing his coat which was hanging up, dripping wet by the front door.

"You don't want me here Scully, and I have to sort this out. I understand that you're mad at me, I've been awful. But I can't let Danny get away with this…" He said frantically, grabbing onto the door handle.

"NO! Don't leave me Mulder!" She cried out tearfully, not realising now what she was saying and cursing herself slightly for sounding desperate. But her emotions were running high and even though she was well trained, she didn't feel safe on her own right now.

 _No matter how mad she was at Mulder, she wanted him with her..._

But he was slamming the door behind him.

She cried out in desperation and ran after him as quickly as she could, considering the pain in her back.

"Dammit!" She shouted out as the tears fell, then pulled open the door and the cold, wet night erupted into the house, causing her to catch her breath as the wind sent a chill through her clothes, pushing the throw off her shoulders.

"MULDER NO! It's not worth it Mulder! Don't do anything stupid!" She screamed over the heavy rain, running out onto the dimly lit terrace and grabbing onto the banister for support. But Mulder was clearly driven by rage and was not listening, and to Scully's despair he was already in his car and starting the engine.

Scully shook her head in disbelief as he pulled off, the engine growling as he sped off into the dark night...

* * *

She should have known his reaction would be like this.

She knew he was hurting, not just because of what had happened _but because she was pushing him away._

"NO!" She screamed sadly, the tears blinding her vision.

She was so scared that Mulder was going to get himself arrested now, or may be he would run the car off the road because he was so upset?!

 _What would happen to him?!_

Danny was in police custody and there was no way he would be able to get to him without breaking the law. Sometimes she wondered if he forgot that he wasn't an FBI agent anymore. They were civilians now.

She couldn't run after him, not in this state.

 _She had to let him go.._

With one last helpless cry of sadness, she walked back into the house, pulling the door shut and then collapsed against it, slidimg down and to the floor, crying heavily, her heart breaking with helplessness as she knew she couldn't do anything.

She just prayed that he would come home.

* * *

 ** _PLEASE REVIEW_**


	18. Chapter 18

**CHAPTER EIGHTEEN**

Mulder bit his lower lip anxiously as he tore down the freeway.

His windscreen was being plummeted with rain and his wipers were going at full speed.

 _He could really use a drink.._

But he had one goal, to kill Danny.

He had never wanted to hurt someone so badly. Scully hated him now and he would just have to live with that. He wanted her to forgive him, if only she could. But he understood her anger, he had been an idiot.

 _Poor Scully._

He felt the nausea hit him again as he pictured her injuries. God knows what Danny had done to her, even though she had told him it had just been an attempted rape. But that was bad enough...

His phone rang in his pocket.

He knew it would be Scully, but he didn't want her to talk him out of this. Sighing heavily he pushed his foot down further and the car sped forward, faster than before and over the speed limit.

As he tried to ignore the phone, he suddenly realised he had no idea of knowing where Danny was.

He frowned in thought as he tried to work it out.

She had been attacked in the hospital so he was assuming that he had been taken to the nearest police station..surely?

 _His phone rang again._

Mulder felt his heart breaking again as he glanced at the screen and saw her name. May be he should answer it. She had asked him not to leave... but had she really _meant_ it?

She had told him to get out _, to get away from her…_

Sighing sadly, he answered the phone, trying to keep his eye on the soaking wet road.

"Yeah." He barked, trying keep a hold on his emotions.

"Mulder! Mulder are you ok?"

Her voice was frantic, worried. He took a deep breath and felt the tyres slip a little on the wet tarmac. It was dangerous out here, may be he should go back...

"Don't try and talk me out of this Scully." He said as firmly as he could.

"Mulder I know you're angry! I know you're upset and so am I, that's why I _need_ you!"

"Scully you told me to get away from you!" Mulder exclaimed.

"I know I did. I was angry." She cried out. Mulder could hear her tears falling as she spoke. He felt his heart ache heavily and wished he was there now. May be he _should have_ stayed...

"I can't let him get away with this Scully. He hurt you." He said, his voice cracking with tears.

"I _know_ , I _know_ you're angry. But please, don't do this. _Please_ come home to me."

Mulder almost let out a sob as she said the words he had wanted to hear since she was so cold to him earlier.

But he was torn.

He was so determined to hurt Danny, to get his revenge, but deep down.. he knew she was right.

There was nothing he could do. He had been arrested. He needed to calm down, though it was nearly impossible.

"Please come home Mulder. I need you so badly. I don't feel safe." She begged him, her voice full of emotion.

"All right." He managed in a small voice.

She seemed to breathe a sigh of relief and he pulled off at the next exit, then got back onto the freeway and headed back the way he had already drove.

It was difficult for him to give up, but he was looking forward to getting home and holding her tight. He was so desperate to hold her and make her feel safe.

 _Mulder just hoped that she was telling the truth, he couldn't bear any more rejection from her.._

"Be careful Mulder my love." She said gently and he almost smiled.

He was so happy to hear her call him that.

But as he turned back he knew that everything wouldn't be perfect. She was still upset with him, he knew that.

At least this meant that she still loved him… _right?_

That was all that mattered right now..

* * *

Mulder and Scully house, 40 minutes later

Scully pulled the throw closer to her as the fire roared in front of her, warming her face and her shoulders.

She stared into its violent flames, watching then dance about and throw a warm red glow across the living room.

She had been sat here for over the past half an hour, waiting for Mulder to come home. She had no idea how long it would take him from where he was. As she glanced at the clock above the fireplace she felt her foot tap unconsciously on the floor.

 _May be he had gotten further than she had thought..?_ She knew he had been driving fast. Scully shuddered with a mixture of worry and coldness as she tried to push any negative thoughts from her mind. No matter how warm the fire was, she was still trembling slightly.

She was still mad, but she wanted him there.

And she didn't like the thought of him driving, angry and blinded by rage in such terrible conditions.

 _She couldn't deny she was worried._

The love she had for Mulder was undying.

Nothing could change that.

But this had hurt her _deeply..._

His actions had made her question their relationship for the first time in a long time.. Of course, they had fights, like any couple now and then, and they were both so stubborn that it happened more often than not...

But this was the first time she had been this mad at him.

She hadn't even wanted him to _touch her…._

But most of this was not their fault, this was Danny's fault… she had to remind herself of that. Although she wasn't happy with Mulder's actions.

Finally, her thoughts evaporated as she heard the sound of his footsteps outside.

She was nervous about what he might say to her, but she couldn't wait to fall into his arms. She knew she wouldn't be able to resist, not now. She didn't want him to be upset anymore and she knew not to go to bed angry.

Scully rose to her feet and staggered towards the door, wincing as her back ached again as she got up. But then she jumped in surprise as there was a knock on the door.

She stopped and stared at it for a moment, frowning in confusion.

Why was Mulder _knocking?_

She felt her stomach tighten as she heard the knock again, slow and steady.

 _What was he knocking for?_

She swallowed nervously and tried to keep herself together as she clasped her hand around the door handle, then twisted it open.

The door creaked slightly as she opened it, and then she felt her heart skip a beat with fear as she saw in shock that the man who was standing before her was not Mulder at all, but a police officer.

* * *

Scully stared in shock, her eyes dampening with unwelcome tears of panic.

 _What was going on?!_

As she waited for him to speak she tried to prepare herself for what she was about to hear.

Deep down she knew something was terribly, terribly wrong.

To her disbelief he took off his hat and gave her a sympathetic stare. _No way.._

Scully shook her head in denial, a single tear running down her face as she squeezed her hand around the door handle so tight that she could almost not feel her fingers..

"Miss Scully? Is this where Mr Fox Mulder lives?"

She blinked, once then twice in shock as she heard the words.

What was going on, _what had happened to Mulder?!_

She nodded silently, her mouth opening wide as she tried to speak but nothing came out.

The officer nodded thankfully then cleared his throat, shifting slightly on his feet before he continued.

"I'm so sorry to just turn up like this Ma'am... but I'm afraid I have some _bad_ news..."

* * *

 **PLEASE REVIEW!**


	19. Chapter 19

**CHAPTER NINETEEN**

She felt her vision sway slightly as she felt faint, _paralysed_ with fear.

The police officer looked very sympathetic, _why was he looking at her like that?!_

"What!?" She demanded, "What's happened to him? _Where is he!?_ "

Her voice sounded unlike hers, full of panic and emotion.

She couldn't think straight. She needed to know that he was alive... was he hurt?

"Oh no, no, he's all right, it's nothing like that." The Officer said, his eyebrows raising as he saw how distraught Scully was and realized now that may be he had said the wrong thing. "He's right here in my car."

She looked at the Officer with wide eyes but felt relieved when he said that he was in his car.

He was here, _thank god._

Scully had been afraid he had gotten himself into a car accident… _but wait..._

"Why, what happened?" She urged, pushing forward and trying to get a view of Mulder, just a glimpse of him to convince herself that he was indeed ok. But the police Officer grabbed onto her arms gently, which took her by surprise and also frustrated her.

She turned back to him and frowned in annoyance, looking into his green eyes.

She noticed that he was may be in his late 50s, early 60s, older than her...

"Hey!" Scully exclaimed.

"I'm sorry Ma'am, but I need to explain what's happened." He said in a low voice, trying to keep her calm.

But Scully couldn't be calm.

 _She wanted to see Mulder and she wanted to see her for own eyes that he was ok…_

And the Officer was not explaining anything..

She was fed up with this shit...

"WHAT HAPPENED!? I've asked you enough times already!"

"And I was just about to tell you." The police officer said calmly, then took a deep breath. "I am aware of what happened to you today. Mr Mulder came to the police station and demanded to see Mr Ortega, but of course we couldn't let him do that…"

Scully swallowed her tears down.

Danny Ortega. She had so rarely heard his last name, even though it was always clearly on his name tag..

 _Mulder..._

Mulder had turned back.

He had turned back even though he had told her he was coming home…

"What has he done? Did he hurt anyone?" Scully managed, her voice cracking with tears.

"Yes Ma'am, unfortunately we had to use force against him as he struck Mr Ortega twice, causing him to lose consciousness."

"But... but how did he get to him? Surely you should have stopped him!" Scully exclaimed.

"We tried, but he was lucky I guess. Danny… _Mr Ortega..._ was being interviewed with his attorney and your husband managed to push his way through to his room. He's got a hell of a lot of determination, I'll give him that."

Scully closed her eyes as her heart ached with emotion as the Officer called Mulder her husband.

She was angry, of course she was, but she also knew that Mulder loved her so much and without reasoning.

She knew that he would do anything to protect her or defend her.

"He's _not_ my husband." Scully whispered.

The Officer shifted on his feet with slight embarassment.

"I'm sorry Ma'am, I just…"

".. _assumed."_ She finished, flashing him a glare.

She had heard enough.

She just wanted Mulder to come inside.

"I want to see him."

"Miss Scully, before I let him in, I need to ask you, are you happy for him to come into the house? He has been incredibly violent this evening."

Scully almost let out a small laugh of disbelief. She threw a look at the Officer as if she thought he was insane.

He blushed slightly, feeling as if he had overstepped the mark.

 _Mulder would never hurt her._

But of course, he didn't know that and was only doing his job… her face softened, trying to appear apologetic.

"We used to be Federal Agents." Scully said blankly, causing the officer to look surprised. "He has been trained to fight. But no, he would never hurt me. His emotions were running incredibly high after what happened to me, please, bring him inside. Thank you for your concern, but we will be all right."

"Whatever you say Ma'am, just wanted to make sure."

"I know, thank you Officer."

* * *

Mulder waited in the Officer's car, his hands bound in handcuffs and burning slightly from the lack of blood flowing to his fingers and the after burn of the punches he had thrown at Danny's _head..._

He was lucky that he was being let off so lightly, he should be thankful to the Officer.

But deep down he was only worried about one thing, _Scully._

He was worried about her reaction to all of this.

 _Mulder being Mulder, had not thought this through at all._

He had been so furious that no one could have stopped him.

He remembered the point, only a few minutes after he had agreed to turn back home, the exact point when he had decided to find Danny anyway.

And he had been lucky, Danny had been there, ripe for the picking.

It was almost as if it had been planned, _even though it really hadn't been.._

Mulder sighed heavily and closed his eyes, trying to calm his raging heart in his chest, still high on adrenaline.

He couldn't help but feel better. Whatever anyone said, including Scully, he didn't regret it. The satisfaction he had found when he had knocked that _shit head_ out cold, he could never forget...

No one hurt Scully and got away with it.

 _No one…_

* * *

Finally, after a few long minutes, the car door opened next to him and he turned to look at who was standing there, hoping it was possibly Scully, _smiling at him with open arms, telling him she forgave him and that she understood..._

But it was the Officer, and he was reaching out to him and pulling him out of the car. Mulder pressed his lips together firmly, trying to ignore the fact that he was being treated like a criminal.

Not long now until he could be inside and this horrific day would be over, he had to remember that...

The Officer grabbed onto his jacket and scrunched it in his hand, pushing him forward and forcing him to walk towards the steps that led up to the terrace. Mulder kept his head low, focusing on his feet as his hands were still bound.

His heart was in his throat as he reached the top step and slowly raised his head, expecting Scully to be looking at him with her ice blue eyes, hurt and disappointed..

But he couldn't see her anywhere, not on the terrace or waiting for him at the front door.

The Officer led him through it and sat him down on the sofa.

"Where's my car?" Mulder growled, anger still raging inside him even though a lot of it had now evaporated.

"You'll get it back in the morning. Just be thankful to me that you're not in a cell tonight." The Officer said as he unlocked Mulder's handcuffs.

 _Finally, some blood could flow back into his damn fingers._

Mulder rubbed his newly freed wrists, pushing the blood along his veins.

 _He wanted to see her…_

"What did she say?" He asked, turning back to the Officer, his voice full of anguish.

The Officer paused, clearly surprised at his change of tone.

"Someone will bring your car back tomorrow morning. Good night Mr Mulder." The Officer sighed, ignoring his question.

Mulder nodded silently.

He got it.

 _This was his mess to sort out..._


	20. Chapter 20

**CHAPTER TWENTY**

Scully pulled her arms across her body as she watched as the Officer left and she stared at Mulder, his handsome features amplified by the firelight.

She loved him so damn much that she knew that she couldn't stay mad at him for long.

She understood why he had done what he did, _but she was still disappointed with him._

Licking her lips nervously she prepared herself for the difficult conversation ahead.

She was desperate to go to sleep, but knew that she wouldn't be able to sleep without speaking to him. Slowly she left the security of the bedroom and walked towards the living room. Her footsteps were quiet but Mulder heard them immediately, and he turned to her quickly. Scully saw the desperation in his deep brown eyes as he caught sight of her and she felt her stomach turn anxiously.

"Before you begin, I just want to say that I don't regret what I did. But I want to apologize for lying to you. I changed my mind…"

"I was _so_ worried." She interrupted him, hugging her arms across her chest. She felt herself trembling slightly, _she was so damn tired…_

"I know," Mulder started sympathetically, "I know you were. I'm sorry I went against your wishes, but I literally couldn't stop myself."

"You _could have_ stopped yourself Mulder."

"No Scully, I _couldn't have_. I love you too much." He said, his eyes full of sincerity. Scully took a deep breath and attempted to keep her distance. "I love you with all my god damn heart and he deserved what he got…"

"Oh for goodness sake Mulder! I _pleaded_ you not to go! I feared something like this would happen!"

"So what Scully! It may have been irresponsible but I do not regret it. I don't regret it for one _second_."

She paused as she stood before him. She was finding it hard to breathe, her body trembling with a mixture of shock and emotion.

This was too much. She wanted him to apologize but she knew that he wasn't going to…

 _They were both too stubborn for their own good.._

"Right." She said simply, biting her bottom lip to stop the tears from falling and looking to the ceiling, trying not to meet his gaze.

"I need to ask you something." Mulder said in a low voice after a difficult silence.

Scully could hear her heart pounding in her ears. She didn't answer him but waited for him to speak.

"Why did you not want me near you earlier?"

She felt light headed, unable to find the words. She didn't want him to think that she didn't love him, because she did, she really did...

"I.. I was angry." She managed, "I felt as if you didn't care about me. Like you had neglected me."

"Oh Scully, how can you _say_ that?!

"Well, I don't know Mulder," She snapped bitterly, "-may be because you ignored my calls all day and then didn't tell me about meeting up with your contact?"

Mulder sighed as her words stung him. Her tone was judgmental and sarcastic.

"Look.." He started with difficulty, "I know I've been stupid and selfish. It wouldn't be the first time. You know what I'm like Scully, I can't help it. But _by god_ I'm trying, I'm _really_ trying. You have to understand that this is hard for me too. I feel like this is partly _my_ fault…"

"No Mulder!" She exclaimed in shock. "This is not your fault! This is _his_ fault.."

"So you forgive me now? You think he deserved what he got?"

"That's not what I said Mulder…"

"Oh come on Scully!" Mulder shouted, causing Scully to reel in shock as his voice boomed across the living room. "The guy nearly _raped_ you! Are you really telling me that you didn't want to _kill him_!?"

"I know exactly what he nearly did to me Mulder." She shouted back, hurt by Mulder's words. _How could he be so casual about how she felt?!_

Mulder froze, his heart skipping a beat as he suddenly regretted what he had just said.

"I was _there._ I felt his god damn hands on me and the pain as he hit me against the lockers!"

Mulder opened his mouth in shock, unable to comprehend what she was feeling. He felt foolish and guilty now for his stupid comment.

"He… he what?" He breathed in concern. It was difficult for him to accept that Danny had hurt her so badly. _And he hadn't been there to help her.._

"It doesn't matter." She snapped, raising her hand to her face and taking a deep breath, trying to calm herself.

Mulder watched with worry. He wanted to hold her so badly.

 _That's all he wanted to do now, he just wanted to comfort her._

He decided to go for the kill and stood up, advancing towards her. He watched with overwhelming concern as she hugged her arms around her body again as if she was trying to console herself and Mulder could see she was trembling.

"Scully…" He started with a soft voice.

"I was so worried about you!" She blurted out, sensing Mulder's concern and trying to remain strong. "You're lucky that the Officer was so light on you, Danny may press charges now Mulder..!

"Oh so what if he does! I don't _care_ Scully!"

" _I_ care Mulder!"

"About who?! _Danny?!_ "

She stared at him in shock, unable to believe her ears.

Her heart felt as if it had been stabbed, as if it couldn't break any more today than it already had…

"How _dare_ you." She gasped, her eyes full of anger and hurt.

"Shit… you're right. I'm sorry."

"DAMN RIGHT YOU'RE SORRY!"

"I'm so sorry Scully, please, I'm so sorry…" He begged now, holding his hands up in defeat and taking further steps towards her. He crumbled in front of her, realising now what he had said. "I.. I don't know what I'm saying.."

"Mulder don't…" She snapped, tears blinding her vision. She couldn't take any more of this bitterness. "I'm tired and my body hurts, I just want to go to sleep."

"Scully please, don't shut me out. I can't bear it. I don't want to leave it like this. I can't." Mulder gasped.

"I'm so mad at you!" She shouted out as he got closer, but she was unable to resist him. She knew as soon as he touched her or pulled her into an embrace she would falter, unable to keep her strong façade. "Mulder please… please tell me you're sorry for what you did." She begged, tears now streaming down her cheeks.

Mulder caught her gaze and felt his heart calling out for her. He raised his hand to her cheek ever so carefully, wanting to brush away the tears. She flinched slightly as he finally was able to touch her soft skin, but then relaxed a little as he cupped her cheek in his warm hand. He swallowed down tears which were also threatening to fall from his own eyes. It was so painful to see Scully so unwilling to accept his touch, but he knew that she would come around. She had to. He had to remain strong for her. He knew that she was angry and upset and he wanted to make it all better.

"I can't do that. I can't lie to you." Mulder whispered tenderly and Scully closed her eyes as his voice sent shivers up her spine. "Everything is going to be ok." He soothed.

 _But she was shaking her head sadly._

"No Mulder, it's not. What are we doing?" She asked between tears.

Mulder felt the pain in his heart as he realized she was genuinely questioning their relationship.

"Yes it is. Everything is going to be ok. I love you and you love me." He said gently as he watched the tension in her body release as he touched her, then he was reaching his other hand towards her and pulling her close, then he let out a long sigh of passion as she collapsed into his chest with a sob, unable to resist him.

Mulder held her close and closed his eyes and heavy emotion, his heart racing with love. He was so happy that he was holding her, _finally._

"I couldn't let him get away with what he did to you. I'm sorry if that upsets you, but it's because I love you. _I love you so much_." He whispered tenderly into her ear, causing her to sob heavily into his chest. "Shhh, everything is going to be ok." He repeated, also to reassure himself. "You're safe now. He's never going to hurt you again." He said softly as he stroked her hair and squeezed her tightly, but not too tight as he knew her back was hurting. Mulder frowned with concern again as he thought of everything she had gone through today. "If only I had come to work with you today then may be it would never have happened. I'm so sorry my love..."

"This is not your fault Mulder." Scully said between sobs, raising her eyes to his. She felt her stomach flip with butterflies as he stared into her soul, the love that she felt was so overpowering.

Mulder placed a soft kiss on her forehead.

He did feel as if it was partly his fault, but he didn't want to cause anymore distress.

He just wanted her to stop crying. He couldn't bear to see her in any more pain, his own heart couldn't take it either...

 _Things would be better in the morning…_

"I'm never going to let anyone hurt you again. I promise."

 _They had to be…_

* * *

 _ **PLEASE REVIEW** _


	21. Chapter 21

**CHAPTER TWENTY ONE**

But as Scully closed her eyes and tried to fall asleep, she could feel Mulder next to her, wide awake and staring at her bare back.

He had asked to hold her, but she had refused.

 _She was still upset about what he had done._

He had gone against her wishes and got himself into possible danger and had gotten arrested. And no matter what he said, she knew he was lucky that he had been let off so lightly. She was grateful for that.

"I love you." He whispered to her gently as he ran his fingers through her hair. She took a deep breath, enjoying the sensation of his touch.

The truth was that her back _did_ hurt.

But she also wasn't ready for him to be all over her tonight.

She needed her own space, but she was glad he was with her. He made her feel safe.

"Good night Mulder..."

* * *

Mulder ran his fingers down Scully's back as gently as he could to try and get her to sleep.

She had told him that it was too painful to hold her which he was disappointed about but also understood.

As her breathing got heavier and he was satisfied that she was falling asleep, he rolled over to his side and pulled the covers closer, closing his own eyes and trying to sleep himself.

 _But it was impossible._

He couldn't keep calm.

His body was still high on adrenaline and he was struggling to switch off.

He didn't want to leave her in the bed alone so he tried desperately to sleep, hearing Scully's comforting breathing next to him as he tried to slow his own down to match her pace.

He wanted to hold her so badly but he didn't want to hurt her.

It made him so furious to think that she was in pain because of what Danny had done.

He didn't regret his actions, no matter what. It had felt satisfying.

 _Nearly an hour later, he was still not asleep._

He turned over in the bed onto his back and pressed his fingers into his eyes, frowning in frustration. He felt tired, but his body just wouldn't let him rest.

It had been some day.

Looking at her beautiful, perfect figure again which was sleeping soundly next to him, her soft pale skin illuminated in the dim moonlight from outside, he checked that she was ok.

Mulder placed a soft kiss on her shoulder blade then forced himself to get out of bed, not that he wanted to leave her.

 _But he needed to occupy his mind with something else._

Mulder carefully tip toed out into the living room. The fire was nearly dying and the house was deathly silent apart from the sound of the clock ticking on the wall.

He felt the walls caving in on him as he was alone in the open plan room, as he was so often these days. Even though Scully was sleeping in the room next to him now, he couldn't remember the last time they had fallen asleep together. She had been working so late and coming home when he was already asleep, no matter how hard he tried to wait up for her...

Mulder sighed heavily, his heart aching with disappointment at himself. _If only he had paid more attention, this could have been prevented._ He felt responsible for Scully, she was his life and his love, his _everything_.

He loved her more than he had loved anyone and it was his job to protect her... right?

Mulder walked towards the drinks cabinet which was calling to him. He knew that he probably shouldn't, but considering his options right now and the fact that he wanted to sleep, he decided that one drink couldn't hurt.

He could control himself.

He wasn't an alcoholic.

When he reached it he poured himself a generous glass of bourbon, then raised it to his lips. He knew that Scully would be concerned if she saw him doing this at this time of night, but then again, she was asleep.

 _And he really wanted to sleep…_

Mulder took a sip, the warming liquor comforting him for a moment, warming his insides. His feet were cold and bare and he stood in only a pair of lounge pants. Mulder glanced around the house again, seeing various tokens on the walls from his life with Scully. Most of his own achievements were in his office, but Scully's were in here, tastefully discreet but on display. Her degree, her doctorate.

What an amazing woman. _He was a lucky man._

Feeling the cold on his bare chest, he took another sip, larger this time, then proceeded to fill up the glass again.

 _Two glasses were not going to hurt._

But it was going straight to his head, considering what he had been through today. He couldn't remember the last time he had ate. May be breakfast? He wasn't sure.

And he was angry, for so many reasons. The drink was helping, making him feel light headed and relaxed.

 _Just one more…_

Mulder threw back the next glass of bourbon then filled the glass again, his body now warm and fuzzy, his heart pounding with renewed energy as the alcohol made him feel better.

It made it all feel better…

 _Just one more couldn't hurt…_

* * *

 _ **PLEASE REVIEW** _


	22. Chapter 22

**CHAPTER TWENTY TWO**

December 2012

This wasn't the first time Scully had found Mulder in his office, asleep at his desk and his head resting against his laptop.

She stared at him with sad eyes, unable to find the words to wake him.

She was running late. She should just go and let him feel guilty for not coming to bed _yet again._

She knew he was preoccupied, with the date looming so close.

Scully wanted her Mother to stay with them for Christmas again as she had taken another turn for the worse and she wanted her nearby. She didn't know how much longer she had left and she needed to know that she had spent as much time with her Mother as she could. But Mulder had been dismissive, saying crazy things about Christmas...

 _"What's the point? We won't be having a Christmas."_

 _"Mulder what are you saying? You have got to stop this.."  
_

 _"Here we go again! Arguing in the god damn kitchen!"_

 _"Oh for gods sake Mulder!"_

 _"Scully! You were there… you heard what he said… December 21_ _st_ _…"_

 _"Yes Mulder I remember."_

 _"Well why are you refusing to believe!"_

 _"Because Mulder I don't want to live like our lives are about to be over! And to be honest… to be honest I don't believe it. I'm… I'm sorry!"_

 _Mulder paused as her painful words hit him hard. He knew it, but hearing it out loud made it more hurtful._

 _"You never believed in anything." Mulder snapped bitterly._

 _"I…" She started with difficulty, her heart aching with sadness, but then before she could respond he was charging across the wooden floor and back into his office, where he slammed the door shut behind him, the bang resonating through her body and making her flinch…_

Her sad memories faded as she heard him stirring, making groaning noises as his body awoke from the deep sleep he appeared to be in. On the defensive, she crossed her arms and leaned against the door frame to his office, her now shoulder length hair tied back in a clasp.

She waited as he blinked and then stretched, then suddenly she knew that he could feel her presence behind him. He turned to face her, his eyes narrow and sleepy.

"Good morning." He managed through a yawn. Scully raised her eye brow at him, unable to hide her annoyance. "What time is it?" He asked, looking around his desk in confusion as he slowly came to his senses. Scully sighed and looked down at her heeled feet. _She wanted an apology._

"It's nearly time for me to go to work." She quipped, looking back up at Mulder and saw that he was now looking straight at her, seemingly more awake than before.

She felt her stomach flip as he stared at her and then ran his eyes down her outfit approvingly.

"Stop it!" She scolded in half annoyance and half excitement. But Mulder was now rising from his chair and lacing his hand around her back. She melted into his touch and was unable to pull away, just as he ran his other hand around the skin of her neck and caressed it, gazing into her eyes with desire. "Mulder please. I… I have to go to work." She said breathlessly as Mulder touched her with great skill.

 _She was pissed off that he was distracting her so easily._

"Be late. You look so beautiful in that skirt…" He growled passionately, then placed a kiss on her forehead, "those shoes… so sexy…" He continued, then kissed her lightly on the lips…

"No Mulder." She managed against his lips, then pushed him away. It was hard but she was determined.

 _But Scully was taken aback momentarily as she swore she could smell alcohol on his breath..._

Mulder fell backwards then looked at her with surprise.

"What's going on?" He exclaimed, frowning in confusion.

"Mulder you didn't come to bed again last night."

"I realize that."

"That's all you have to say…?" She blurted out, hurt that he was acting like it wasn't a big deal.

 _It was a big deal, to her._

"I was working."

"Working? Mulder come on! We both know that you don't have a job!" She snapped, then instantly regretted it. Mulder's face turned to thunder.

"Yeah, and we both know why that is too."

"Mulder I'm sorry… I didn't mean…" She spluttered with difficulty as he pushed past her and into the living room. Scully closed her eyes in defeat.

"Just forget it Scully. You're going to be late for work." He shouted, making her heart ache with sadness.

 _She felt awful, why did she say that to him? Mulder's work was his life and his pride._

"I'm sorry Mulder." She said, walking out into the living room now as well, but then stopping mid track in shock.

Mulder was at the drinks cabinet and was pouring himself a glass of whiskey.

She glanced at her watch and heard the morning birds chirping outside the window. It was definitely morning.

7.40am to be exact.

"Mulder! What the hell are you doing!" She exclaimed in shock, staring at him as if she didn't know him anymore.

 _Who was this person who drank at 7.30 in the morning?_

Mulder didn't do that.

But to her horror he ignored her point blank and paced towards the sofa, where he lay down on it and proceeded to drink.

Scully felt her heart racing in her chest with worry.

 _How long had this been going on?_

She quickly walked towards the cabinet and checked the bottle. It was nearly empty.

 _She was sure just yesterday it had been full..._

"I thought you were late for work."

His voice was low and angry. She could tell he was hurting.

She wanted to confront him, _she didn't want to leave him._

But she had to go to work...

Without being about to say another word, she slammed the bottle down on the cabinet with anger then grabbed her bag off the kitchen table.

Mulder was still laid across the sofa, seemingly not bothered.

 _At least there was hardly any left._

She didn't want to come home to a drunk.

Angry tears sprung from her eyes as her heels clipped along the wooden floor and towards the front door.

 _She had to get out of there._

Slamming the door behind her, she ran down the steps and into her car, leaving Mulder alone once more.

* * *

 **PLEASE REVIEW! XXX**


	23. Chapter 23

**CHAPTER TWENTY THREE**

 _Scully had been worried all day._

She kept glancing at her phone as she spoke to her patients, feeling hugely guilty as she did. It balanced on the side of her mahogany desk and every time a notification came up she would feel her heart skip a beat, wondering if it was Mulder calling.

As her mind drifted off as her last patient of the day left her office, she frowned in heavy thought as she wondered what was going on with Mulder. She had noticed him being much more withdrawn and she could only diagnose with her medical opinion that he was depressed.

She had been fearing this for a while now.

Mulder wouldn't accept it, _she knew that._

She had to try and help him, but he was so closed off that she was finding it difficult. Mulder was usually the most open out of them both, but not at the minute.

She knew it was about December 21st. He was so convinced something was going to happen. But what if it didn't? He would hit rock bottom. And the odds were nothing was going to happen..

As Scully grabbed her briefcase and locked her office door behind her, a painful memory came back to her. Just last week Mulder had woken her up in the middle of the night, scaring her half to death, sitting up on the bed in front of her, staring at her with fearful eyes, so unlike her Mulder…

" _What is it? Mulder, what's wrong?!"_

 _"We're all gonna die Scully."_

 _"Mulder for gods sake go back to sleep, it's 2am.."_

 _"We're all going to die. I need to warn people. I can't go on like this."_

 _"Mulder stop it!"_

 _"William is going to die, we are going to die… unless I do something about it."_

 _"Don't say things like that Mulder!"_

 _"You won't believe me. No matter what, you won't believe."_

 _"Mulder how can you William is going to die?! How can you say that to me!"_

 _"I-I need to do something Scully, I'm going crazy here.."_

 _"You will do nothing of the sort Mulder! I will not let you!"_

 _"Scully…!"_

 _"What exactly do you expect to do?! I will not let you go off into danger on your own, especially as you have no idea what you are getting into."_

 _"I'm a big boy Scully, I can look after myself.."_

 _"No! I need you.. please just.. come back to bed… please Mulder..."_

She closed her eyes as she started up the car engine, preparing herself for the drive home as her memory was pushed away sadly. She dreaded what she would find when she walked through the front door…

* * *

December 17th 2012

Mulder opened his eyes slowly as he came around, his mouth dry and tasting like a horses ass, or so he imagined.

As he grunted in frustration as he tried to move from the uncomfortable position he was in on the wooden floor, he felt his head sway and then it was pounding, oh man it _hurt._

A wave of unexpected nausea washed over him suddenly and then he was forcing himself up onto his feet and then running for the bathroom blindly, crashing into the sofa and the coffee table as he went, before grabbing the toilet lid then burying his head in it, emptying the contents of his stomach..

"Uuugh.." He frowned as the vomiting finally came to a stop. Mercifully, he was able to swallow without puking now and he staggered to his feet and grabbed onto the basin then ran the cold water and splashed it over his face.

"Feeling under the weather?"

Her voice came as a shock to him from his left. He had not been expecting it as he thought he was alone, for definite. He was so surprised he almost fell back into the bathtub beside him but he managed to stop himself.

"Mulder for goodness sake! Be careful!" She exclaimed, then he saw her rushing towards him and grabbing onto his arms and pulling him upright.

As her beautiful red hair and blue eyes swimmingly came into focus he felt his heart drop as he realised now that she must have seen and heard his little hangover act. Then he realised that once again, he hadn't come to bed that night.

The guilt hit him hard. He felt terrible.

"Scully, I… I didn't want you to see me.. like this.." he managed breathlessly as his body struggled to regain itself as the alcohol poisoning was still attacking him.

"I didn't either, but here we are." She said in a disappointed yet slightly concerned voice. Mulder knew she would be mad, but it didn't stop her loving him.

"I… I feel like shit." He said helplessly, his vision swaying.

"Mulder, come on let's get you to bed." She said with a sigh, guiding him out of the bathroom and towards their bedroom. Mulder couldn't speak. He felt foolish enough.

Scully didn't speak either as she led him into bed and pulled off his sweater that he was wearing, then helped him pull off his jeans. Mulder sank into the bed and felt his cheeks flare with embarrassment. He had been such an idiot. Why was he doing this to himself? And to Scully?

"Im sorry Scully, I don't deserve your help." He said in a low voice, trying not to look at her as she flattened the covers down around him and then reached out his large hand to her small one. She swallowed nervously as she felt her heart racing, preparing herself for what she was going to tell him.

She wanted him to listen and she was trying to think of a way to soften the blow, but _how could she?_

"I know. But Mulder, I think this is more than just heavy drinking.." she started, gazing at him with sad eyes.

She held his hand tight so that he wouldn't let go.

To her surprise he was silent, but still stand offish...

"I've been worried about you for quite some time, the drinking, the isolation, the mood swings, the paranoia.. Mulder I think…" She said, pausing mid sentence as she could feel Mulder getting anxious by her side and sad tears coated her throat. She didn't want him to be sick, she really didn't. But she knew that she could help, she needed to before this got any worse.."…I think you are suffering from severe depression."

* * *

 **PLEASE REVIEW!**


	24. Chapter 24

**CHAPTER TWENTY FOUR**

Mulder stared at her in shock.

He wasn't sick.

 _How could she say that he was sick?_

"I'm not sick Scully." He spat.

"Mulder…" She started with concern.

"No Scully, I'm not sick!" He interrupted her, turning away from her in the bed and pulling the covers up like a stubborn child. Scully closed her eyes for a moment in sadness, trying to regain herself.

 _She should have known he would react this way._

After taking a deep breath she leant across and ran her fingers through his brown hair as he faced away from her. To her relief he didn't flinch. She sat there for a moment, watching over the love of her life in concern as the sad realization hung over them. She knew that he wouldn't accept it right now, but it would only be a matter of time..

 _After a long pause, she finally spoke._

"Mulder I'm going to go to work today, but then I am going to stay home a few days with you." She said softly, moving her hand to his cheek and running a finger along his jawline.

Mulder didn't answer. She bit her bottom lip to stop the tears from falling. She knew that he was hurting a lot right now.

"I'm not sick Scully." He croaked finally, her heart welling with concern as she heard the desperation in his voice.

 _He didn't sound like himself at all._

"I just want you to be yourself again." She whispered, trying not to show any sadness in her voice.

"My mind is a little preoccupied right now. We only have a few more days to go. I need to keep you safe."

She sighed, her heart sinking as he spoke of Friday once again.

May be Mulder was right, may be something was going to happen, _but she couldn't help but doubt that..._

"All right." She said finally.

She needed to let him know that she supported him, no matter what.

"You believe me now?" He asked, his voice now hopeful as he turned back towards her in surprise. Scully fought back tears as she looked down at her handsome Mulder. His eyes were so sad, distant even. She had never seen him like this before. _All the more reason to think he was suffering._ May be she would pick some meds up for him today, even though he didn't have a proper diagnosis yet, she could at least get him to try to take them.

"Mulder…" She started with difficulty, "… I don't know. I just know that I want you to get better."

Mulder stared at her sadly, unable to respond. He knew that Scully would always put his health first. But why was she doing this? He wasn't sick, she had been there when the smoking man had told them the prophecy. Why was she acting like this now?

"I'm ok." He managed finally and even forced a small smile to reassure her. Scully gazed into his eyes and he could see the heavy concern. He didn't want her to worry about him. "I am, I promise."

Scully felt her heart ache with pain as Mulder lied to her.

She knew he wasn't fine…

* * *

Mulder & Scully's House – Eight Hours Later

Scully unlocked the door and let herself in. She was grateful to get in from the gale which was blowing outside.

She took a glance around the room, expecting to see Mulder, but there was no sign of him. She pulled off her beige coat then hung it up on the coat hanger.

"Mulder?" She called out into the empty living area.

In her purse were the meds she had picked up earlier. She knew it would be difficult, but she had to try and convince him to take them. She had spoken to some fellow physicians today and they had all agreed that Mulder should come to the Hospital as soon as possible for a diagnosis, but Scully knew that would be impossible. Especially at this point in time.

 _She was going to have to try and look after him herself…_

Her shoulder length hair was messy. The wind outside had blown it out of place. As she attempted to neaten it, she tucked it behind her ears and walked into the kitchen. She was dying for a warm cup of coffee.

"Mulder?" She called out again, but there was no reply.

As she poured herself a cup, she felt her heart racing with worry. _Where was he?_ He could be anywhere.

Scully cricked her neck and grimaced as it ached. She was dying for a hot soak in the tub. Kicking off her heels, her feet gratefully thanked her as they pressed against the flat wooden floor. As she walked across the rug towards the bathroom, she tried to remain calm.

 _Mulder would be ok, he would be around somewhere._

She placed her coffee cup on the side and started to run the hot water then poured in some bubble bath and watched the water as it started to froth. "Mulder?" She shouted now, unable to concentrate. She walked back into the living area and glanced around once again. Scully unbuttoned her shirt as she walked, into the bedroom, the spare room, his office – but he was no where to be seen..

Suddenly there was a loud crash and she jumped in fear. Scully turned towards the front door, which had been flung open and smashed against the wall.

Scully felt her heart rise in her chest in fear.

For a moment, she thought may be it was an intruder.

May be Mulder was right… _it was happening and this was the beginning…_

But she soon saw that it was Mulder, although it took a moment for her to make sure as he was wearing a thick black coat with a hood. His heavy boots clumped on the floorboards.

Scully gasped and raised a hand to her mouth.

 _Mulder was carrying a shotgun which she had never seen before…_

"Mulder!" She exclaimed.

"Scully!?" He answered frantically, his eyes darting about the room and then finally coming to rest on her. "Scully! Scully, are you ok?" He asked with worry as he threw open his long coat and pulled down the hood, slamming the door shut behind him which made her flinch.

"Mulder! What in the world is going on!" She said incredulously as he hurried towards her, still holding the large gun at his side.

"Are you ok!?" He asked again, demanding her to answer this time.

"Yes! I'm fine!" She exclaimed in frustration. "Mulder who's gun is that!?"

"It's mine." Mulder breathed, slowly calming down as he glanced over Scully, satisfied that she wasn't injured in any way.

She could tell that he was on edge. _What was wrong with him?_

"Yours? Where did you get it from!? Why didn't you tell me?"

"Scully we already have guns in the house, it's not like we are afraid of guns is it?"

"No but… you should have told me!" She blurted out as she stared at it. "What the hell is going on Mulder?!" She snapped.

"I saw someone. Someone was watching the house." Mulder said in a low voice as he glanced sideways out of the window, clearly trying to spot something.

Scully's heart raced in her chest as she watched him.

 _She wasn't sure if this was all in his head or not._

"What?" She asked in disbelief.

"There was someone outside Scully, a man!" Mulder said in frustration, annoyed that she was not listening to him properly.

"Mulder it was probably just the farmer…" She said breathlessly.

"Scully I know the Farmer! I worked for him, remember? It's not him!" Mulder cried out.

"Mulder please… please just calm down.." She begged, raising her hands to him as her body started to tremble. She didn't want to believe that he was telling the truth.

 _This must all be in is head…_

"I've been outside searching for him for the past couple of hours." Mulder said as he paced closer to the window, his eyes narrowing as he scanned the woodland outside. Scully watched him in silent shock. "I saw him Scully. He was watching me."

"Mulder…" She started with difficulty, wanting to tell him that he was imagining it, but she couldn't. She sighed heavily, "I'm going to take a bath and then we can talk about it, ok?"

But Mulder was silent.

She tore herself away from him as he stared out of the window, the gun still in his hand.

She had no idea where he had got it from and it worried her.

As she closed the bathroom door behind her she felt something that she had never felt before around Mulder, as long as she had known him...

 _She felt fear..._

* * *

 ** _PLEASE REVIEW!_**


	25. Chapter 25

**CHAPTER TWENTY FIVE**

Mulder & Scully's House – December 20th – 10.10am

Scully lay on the bed in silence, her eyes puffy from crying. She had tried, _she really had._ But he wasn't listening.

She felt as if she couldn't save him. He was so transfixed on what was about to happen.

He wasn't sleeping.

It made her worry even more as he said he was _'keeping guard_ ' outside the bedroom, the shotgun in his hands.

At least she had found out who's gun it was.

Mulder had told her it was the Farmers and that he had given it to him after he had told him about the upcoming invasion.

Her heart had broken when Mulder had told her that, _'He believed me, unlike you..'_

She closed her eyes and pulled her knees up to her chest as she lay on her side. She had begged him to take the meds, but he hadn't. She had never seen him like this before. Usually he would listen to her and he would take her advice, but not now.

Mulder seemed convinced that Scully thought he was crazy.

But she didn't think he was crazy, he was just paranoid. But may be he was right, _she could be proved wrong tomorrow…_

She jumped as loud banging came from outside the bedroom. Scully immediately sat upright, her pulse quickening anxiously as the banging continued.

 _What was he doing now?_

"Mulder?" She called out with worry, getting off the bed and pushing her feet into her slippers.

She was still wearing her casuals from the night before, she had fallen asleep in them after _begging_ Mulder to come to bed…

"Mulder what-?" She started as she walked through the bedroom door and caught sight of him at the window.

He was boarding them up.

"We need to get out of here Scully." Mulder said in a low voice, his whole body tense. Scully could sense his anxiety from across the room as he lifted another piece of wood and nailed it to the window pane. She shook her head in desperation and ran towards him.

"Mulder _please_ , you have to stop this…" She begged him, placing her hands on his back and pressing up against him, placing her cheek against his shoulder blades and closing her eyes.

 _She wanted to hold him, but he was hardly letting her touch him right now._

"Scully I have a lot to do, you could help me you know." He snapped and brushed her off which made tears spring to her eyes again.

But she was sick of crying.

She had cried herself to sleep last night and was fed up of how he was making her feel.

"Don't you _dare_ brush me off like that." She started, her voice wavering with anger and emotion. Mulder froze, sensing her sadness. He stared at the nail in front of him, unable to look at her. Scully could see his brow was furrowed in concentration. "You are pushing me away Mulder. Do you even realize what you are doing?"

* * *

Mulder paused, his heart aching with pain.

He wanted to hold her, to tell her that he was sorry, that he couldn't help it… _but he didn't._

"Scully, we have to get out of here." Was all he could manage.

"Mulder just talk to me! I feel like I'm losing you!" She cried out.

"I've told you everything already, but you don't believe me." Mulder snapped.

"Mulder I want to help you. You're sick!"

"I've told you before I am not sick Scully!" He shouted.

"Why aren't you listening to me. You always listen to me. I am a Doctor Mulder, I can tell when people are sick!"

"You just don't want to accept the truth! You're afraid of the truth! You're afraid of what it might mean, for you, for me... for _William_!"

Scully closed her eyes as William's name was mentioned. It always hurt when Mulder said his name. Painful memories would always surface and this was no different. She was angry, so angry that he was doing this to her. _To them._

 _Scully had had enough._

 _She took a deep breath and tried to calm herself as she prepared for what she was about to say and do._

"Mulder... I can't live like this, I can't." She barked, her throat sore after all the crying. She looked down at the floor in sadness as she waited for his response.

 _But it was not what she had been expecting.._

"We're not safe here Scully."

"ARE YOU EVEN LISTENING TO A WORD I'M SAYING?!" She screamed.

"Yes, I am listening."

 _"WELL!?"_

"What do you want me to say Scully, that I'm sorry for protecting us!?"

"God dammit!" She snapped, then to Mulder's shock she ran towards the bedroom once again. He turned to watch her leave and saw that she had left the door open...

Then he saw exactly what he had been fearing, but not expecting.

He never expected her to leave, even now when she was angry at him. But sure enough, _she appeared to be packing a bag._

Mulder bit back his angry tears as he felt his whole body start to shake at the thought of her leaving.

 _She couldn't leave._

He had to keep her safe.

 _There was no way that she was going to leave this house without him._

He took a deep breath, managing to snap himself out of the trance he was in and slowly placed the hammer and the wood down on the floor.

Cautiously, he walked towards the bedroom.

Inside his mind was screaming at him to stop her, to shout, get down on his knees and beg, _but something was stopping him and he couldn't understand why..._

This was the love of his life and he couldn't live without her.

 _He needed to get her to stay._

* * *

Scully was remaining strong.

She was amazed that she wasn't crying now, but she assumed it was because she had cried enough tears already.

She didn't _want_ to leave him, of course not. Especially now, when he was sick and afraid.

But she couldn't do this anymore.

May be if she just spent the day away from him he would realize that she was serious and it would make him come to his senses. _May be…_

She was aware that he was at the doorway now, staring at her in silence as she packed an overnight bag. She didn't even know what she was throwing in, her eyes were watery and her view was blurry. But she threw each item into the bag with fury.

"Scully.."

She heard his voice to her side, so full of confusion and hurt. She ignored him, grabbing a pair of flats and throwing them in the bag also.

She was nearly done.

She could just walk out right now and it would be over...

 _"Scully.."_ His voice came again, now more urgent. She licked her lips nervously and ran a hand through her hair. Zipping up the bag she pulled the handles together then squeezed her hands around it, taking a deep breath as she waited for him to speak. She would give him one chance.

"Scully please, I can't let you leave."

She felt the threat of tears but again they didn't come. She was too tired and angry to cry anymore.

She bit her bottom lip in an effort to stop herself from saying something she would regret.

"Scully come on, this is ridiculous."

She felt anger boil inside her and then it was impossible to keep it in any longer.

"Ridiculous?" She snapped, her eyes raising to his. " _I'm_ being _Ridiculous?!_ " She felt daggers in her heart as he glared at her, clearly hurt and upset. "Mulder you won't accept my help, you treat me like I'm a stranger. I've had enough."

Scully heard her voice waver with emotion and she knew she needed to get out.

She needed to get out of the house right now before Mulder could convince her to stay...

It wouldn't take much, she loved him with all her heart and she was worried about him. She knew deep down that she wouldn't be gone for long, there was no way she was going to leave him in the state he was in _. She just wanted him to get a wake up call…_

"I… I'm sorry."

She froze, hearing the words she had wanted to hear for a while.

She couldn't look at him.

Scully felt her legs tremble beneath her and she felt slightly faint. _All she wanted was to fall into his arms and tell him it was all right._

"Do you _mean_ that?" She whispered.

"Yes. I'm sorry. May be… may be I am sick." Scully let out a long breath of relief as Mulder's words filled her ears. "But Scully…" He continued, "there's no way I can let you leave this house..."

Scully raised her eyes to his again in surprise, _his change of tone catching her off guard._

She had expected him to cry, may be collapse in a heap on the floor and beg her for forgiveness, but instead his voice was slightly threatening, slightly apologetic for what he was about to do.

She felt fear trickle up her spine as she looked into his eyes and she was amazed to find that she hardly recognized what she saw.

"Mulder, what's going on." She breathed anxiously.

Mulder sighed heavily and reached behind him. Scully held her breath as she feared the worst. To her horror, Mulder brought out his hand gun from the back of his jeans and slowly raised it to her head...

* * *

She was speechless.

It was as if she was in a _nightmare._

She had hoped that they would never have to use their guns again.

They had put them away in safe places when they had first arrived in the house, just in case of an emergency.

Scully imagined Mulder digging it out earlier that day. She should have thought about this and prepared earlier.

This was partly her fault, Mulder was paranoid and _she should have thought about the damn guns..._

This wasn't the first time he had held her at gunpoint. All of the times that he had done it before, he had been sick, possessed or under the control of someone else.

She felt slightly comforted that his illness was making him act this way, that he wasn't himself, but it didn't make it any less shocking.

She knew now for sure that Mulder wasn't just sick, _he was a danger to himself and to others._

Scully felt her body tremble with shock as she stared at him with sad eyes, wishing that this was all just a bad dream, _and that at any moment they would wake up on that beach in the Caribbean…_

"Mulder... _what_ are you doing?" She asked in a whimper. "It's _me._ I _love you_ Mulder, I don't want to hurt you."

"I know." He said in a shaky voice, as if it was also upsetting him that he had to resort to this measure. "But I can't let you leave Scully. We have to get out of here, I have to protect you, and if that means using my gun to get you to do what I want, then so be it."

" _Mulder…_ put… the gun… _down…_ " She said slowly.

"You promise me you won't leave?" He asked in a small voice. Scully felt her heart ache with sorrow as she saw tears roll down his cheeks.

She wanted to comfort him, but he was holding a gun to her face...

"I promise." She said softly as she could, desperately trying to reassure him. "I will come with you."

Scully was unable to keep her eyes off Mulder. She needed to get him help asap. She promised herself that she would get him admitted to the Hospital as soon as she could.

As she stared down the barrel of his gun, she knew deep down that he would never hurt her.

"Let's go." He said flatly.

Scully desperately wanted him to put the gun away, but he didn't.

She sighed heavily and grabbed her bag, then walked towards him slowly. Mulder seemed to be fighting with himself internally to put the gun down.

"Mulder, come on... _please.. put the gun away..._ " She soothed.

She reached a hand towards him in an attempt to calm him down but she then flinched in shock as he brushed her off once more, his eyes turning dark and distant once more.

"Get in the car."

* * *

 **Please review!**

 ** _For some reason the alerts for new chapters are not working, sorry guys._ **


	26. Chapter 26

**CHAPTER TWENTY SIX**

"Mulder where are we going?"

Mulder stared ahead, driving fast along the back roads.

He wasn't sure exactly, but he wanted to go somewhere remote.

He had put the gun away as soon as she had gotten in the car. He felt terrible for pointing it at her but she had nearly walked out on him.

 _And there was no way he could have let her be on her own today and tomorrow..._

"A motel somewhere." He said finally in a low voice.

Scully looked at him with concerned eyes, her heart racing with anticipation as she wondered what was going through his poor head. She hadn't quite gotten over the fact he had drawn his gun on her. She was shocked, to say the least.

 _Appalled_ was more like it.

"Mulder please, just talk to me." She asked in a small voice, her heart aching. Mulder focused on the road ahead. "Mulder you're scaring me. This is not like you at all, to shut me out like this."

"You nearly walked out on me." Mulder said sadly, turning the car left.

"My heart.. its _breaking_.." Scully blurted out, unable to contain her feelings for much longer. A single tear ran down her cheek as she placed her hand on her heart, grimacing in literal emotional pain. "Mulder I just can't take it anymore. I feel like you're a different person and you won't let me _help_ you…"

"Scully I know I've been acting strange, but this is big, this is the biggest moment of my life and it's going to happen. You need to support me."

"I do Mulder, I've supported you from the beginning." She gasped, reaching out to his hand which was on the steering wheel. Scully's lower lip trembled with sadness as she touched his skin. Mulder seemed to soften slightly, his own face showing his emotion now. She frowned with concern as she saw that he was biting back his own tears.

"Mulder it's ok…" She soothed.

"I'm so sorry Scully, I shouldn't have pointed my gun at you." He said in despair. She nodded in agreement, but also that she understood.

"I know you didn't mean it." She said in a whisper. "You have to realise that was not you that made you do that. It was your…"

"My depression?" He said between tears. Scully nodded silently and squeezed his hand gently.

"Yes Mulder. You can say it out loud, it doesn't make you a weak person."

Mulder was silent as the tears ran down his face. Scully kept hold of his hand for as long as she could, until he pulled his hand away from her and rubbed his eyes, trying to pull himself together.

"It's a long drive. Get some sleep."

Scully heard the love in his voice, but she was still hurting. She hadn't succeeded in making him admit that he was sick.

But at least he wasn't scaring her anymore, _for now._

"Mulder come on, lets go back.." She said gently, but then regretted it immediately as he turned to her in frustration.

"You still don't believe me do you!"

* * *

Five hours later, Roadside Motel near Johnson City - Tennessee

Scully could only imagine that Mulder wanted to go into the forest in the morning, somewhere remote.

She had not slept at all during the journey, despite her best efforts.

Mulder would mostly be focused and quiet, not unlike she had seen him before when he was on a mission, but then he would snap at her, which really hurt...

She was not used to him being so cold to her.

 _It was shocking and terrible to experience._

She was glad that she had packed some meds. May be she could put them in a drink? She had no idea if they would evaporate properly.

But she really needed him to take some.

Mulder usually followed Doctors orders when they came from her, no matter how frustrating.

She couldn't fathom that he wasn't listening to her advice.

In a way, she actually hoped that something did happen tomorrow...

Then he would get some peace, some closure of some sort?

Scully scolded herself for being so stupid.

Of _course_ she didn't want anything to happen tomorrow...

* * *

Mulder opened the Motel door and she followed after him. She was still wearing last nights clothes and she wanted to change. Heading to the bathroom she quickly climbed in the shower, stripping off and placing her dirty clothes on the toilet seat.

Mulder watched after her, guilt raging in his chest.

He felt so bad for pulling the gun on her, but he had been unable to control himself.

 _She was so beautiful she deserved better than him..._

He locked the door behind him then spotted a chair to his left. He ran a nervous hand over his increasing stubble and then decided it would be best to prop it up against the door, just to be extra safe. He had been checking in his mirrors to make sure no one was following them, but old habits died hard. _Trust no one._

When he had secured the door enough for his fragile nerves, he placed the guns by the bed. The shotgun and his and Scully's gun. He stared at them for a moment until the sound of Scully getting out of the shower brought him back to reality.

The guilt washed over him again.

No matter how mad he was with himself or how angry she was at him, he couldn't have let her leave the house. He had to protect her from what was coming. She would thank him eventually.

He turned to look at her overnight bag and then opened it, getting out some of her clothes. He placed them on the bed, ready for her to change into. It was the least he could do after the way he had been acting...

But then he spotted a small white container.

Mulder knew immediately what it was. Some kind of medication, which he could only think was intended for _him.._

He frowned heavily as his mind clouded over as it did so often recently, making him feel like a piece of dirt on someone's shoe.

 _Just wait a little longer_ , he told himself.

 _Scully is just worried, that's all._

 _Tomorrow, everything will be ok again, you're not crazy and you are not sick.._

* * *

Scully pulled the towel around her body.

She felt better, as if she had washed away the sadness and the dramas of the day. She wrapped another towel around her hair, piling it up on the top of her head.

She had already spotted Mulder sitting on the bed. She noticed that he had laid some clothes out for her. She smiled a tiny smile of love and appreciation, happy that he was making an effort, the first she had smiled in a few days, but then froze suddenly in panic as she realised that the medicine container had been in her bag and he had no doubt seen it..

"What's this?"

 _Mulder was on cue._

She looked at him in silence, seeing him turn to her and hold up the small container. She looked into his eyes and saw they were slightly glassy, as if he wasn't quite himself once again. Scully blinked a couple of times, standing her ground.

"Will you let me get dressed and then we can talk about it?" She asked as light heartedly as she could manage.

"No Scully, I wanna know what these pills do." Mulder snapped, his voice slightly threatening.

Scully licked her lips nervously and pulled her towel closer to her body.

"Mulder please, I think you already know that answer."

"No Scully, I _don't_. I want to hear it from _you_ , they were in your bag after all." Mulder snapped.

Scully couldn't believe he was leading her on like this, into her own trap. How dare he? She felt as if he was punishing her. She wanted to get changed into her warm clothes.

"Please just let me get dressed.." She said again, but Mulder suddenly stood up on the other side of the bed and glared at her. She froze, her heart skipping a beat as he slowly came towards her, threateningly. She couldn't believe this. _This wasn't Mulder._

"Mulder stop it! You're scaring me!" She exclaimed.

"Tell me what these pills are for Scully!" He demanded harshly, his eyes glaring into hers. She backed up against the wall as he edged closer, holding her towel up and hugging her arms across her chest defensively. She started to repeat to herself that Mulder would never hurt her, but she couldn't help but be afraid. He was a lot bigger than her, not that that had ever been a concern to her before, it was what she loved about their relationship, _one extreme to another.._

"Mulder for gods sake! All right! It's medication for you! I got it for you the other day on my way home from work because I was worried about you. I tried to get you to take it but you wouldn't listen!"

"You didn't tell me you already had it in your damn _bag_! You've already made your decision that I'm crazy?! Is _that_ it?" Mulder raged, now so close to her. She flinched back as he towered over her. She saw so much sadness and rage in his eyes it made tears spring from her own suddenly, and then she was crumbling in front of him, unable to hold the tears back.

Never in a million years would she have expected them to be here, in this situation. Mulder was her protector.

 _He would never hurt her… right?_

"No Mulder." She said in a shaky voice, "..I don't think you're crazy, you are depressed and you need help.."

"Shut up!" Mulder shouted, making her cry out in shock and turn her head away from him. She couldn't bear to look at him right now. _It was too upsetting_. "You think I'm a fucking waste of space don't you! ADMIT IT SCULLY!" He roared and then to her shock and horror he grabbed onto her upper arms violently, causing her to exclaim in pain as his strong hands squeezed them tight, then he was shaking her and shouting in her face, "Admit it! You think I'm crazy and I'm as asshole! You want me fucking gone don't you! DON'T YOU!"

"NO MULDER! NO!" She screamed through her tears, then stole a quick glance at him and saw that he was sobbing now too.

"SAY IT SCULLY! SAY IT!" He spat, his face so close to hers now.

Scully couldn't take it anymore, her arms were sore and her towel was almost slipping off. She felt weak and vulnerable, something she never expected or wanted to feel around Mulder..

"OR WHAT?!" She screamed, taking Mulder off guard as he stared at her in shock. As if he hadn't expected her to say anything back, but she wasn't going to fall for his displays of weakness, not now. She had tried _everything_ , with only his best interests in mind and this was how he _repaid_ her?! "WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO TO ME IF I DON'T ADMIT IT MULDER? ARE YOU GONNA _HURT_ ME?" She shouted, glaring into his eyes angrily, _"HIT ME?!_ First you hold me at gunpoint and now THIS?! What are you gonna do Mulder?! WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO?!" She threatened. But Mulders grip on her loosened slightly and he blinked, once then twice, as if he was coming out of a trance. "Just _GET ON WITH IT!_ Get it OVER with Mulder! _You can't hurt me more than you already have_! I've had enough of your BULLSHIT!" She roared, then with all her strength she shoved him backwards and off her, causing him to let go and stagger backwards.

Scully felt herself sobbing, her body shaking in shock as Mulder looked at her as if he didn't realise what had just happened. He looked completely lost.

"Scully..." She heard him gasp in shock, then she heard him let out a confused sob. "Scully I.." He stared, as if he was about to apologise.

"GET OUT!" She screamed. "GET OUT, GET OUT!"

 _Mulder stared at her in horrified silence._

Scully closed her eyes as the racking sobs erupted from her chest and she felt her legs give way, then she was sliding down the wall, the towel falling from her body as she fell to the floor. She grabbed for it weakly and wrapped it around her body again as best as she could as felt her heart breaking over and over, the pain too much to bear.

She wished the ground would swallow her up.

 _Mulder had succeeded in breaking her heart._

She never, ever knew that it could be possible, but he had done it...

As she cried heavily into her hands, her sobs echoing through the paper thin walls of the motel, she heard him stumble for the door and then he was gone, out into the dark night.

But she didn't care. She didn't want to see him.

 _Right now she didn't want to see him ever again.._

* * *

 _ **PLEASE REVIEW!**_

 _ **This story has been so hard to write as it is so sad. I've never ever written Mulder being such an ass to Scully before. It hurts a lot but I knew it would.**_

 _ **More to come. Hopefully things may improve a little when he admits he is sick..**_


	27. Chapter 27

**CHAPTER TWENTY SEVEN**

Mulder sat outside in the car, staring into the mass of tall trees surrounding the parking lot.

He had been sat here for almost an hour now, considering what to do next. He had screamed and shouted, pounded the steering with his fists, sobbed and cried out for her forgiveness… and now he found himself looking up at the stars, staring at them sparkling in the dark blanket of the night.

He was silent now, the guilt and anger suffocating his chest.

His eyes glistened with tears which he couldn't cry. He knew that he had done something very wrong.

All he could think about now was her.

He had frightened her.

 _How could he have done that?_

He would have killed anyone that lay a finger on her, so why did he just do that?

What was _wrong_ with him?

he had asked himself these questions over and over - they came to the same sad conclusion.

He turned towards their Motel room slowly, fearful of what he might see through the window. But it was covered by the curtain, only the faint glow of the light shining through. Mulder felt the cloud loom over him again and he hung his head low. The feeling of guilt was overwhelming. Had he lost her? Could she ever forgive him?

 _But he loved her more than anything._ How could he have acted that way?

There was only one explanation, as frustrating as it may seem.

He bit back tears and swallowed them down, fed up of feeling sad.

He needed to do something…

Mulder raised his hands to his face and hid it in them shamefully. He had upset her, perhaps broken her heart for good this time.

How could he do such a thing to her? His precious, beautiful Scully? His _soulmate?!_

Regretfully, he finally realised.

Scully was right all along.

 _He needed help…_

* * *

She changed into her pyjamas and got into the bed, pulling the covers over her protectively. She was so, so tired. She didn't know where Mulder was. She hated to admit that she didn't want him sleeping in the same room as her tonight. She didn't know what she would do if he came into the room. She wouldn't be able to control her emotions.

But it was too late to think about this as she heard the door click open quietly.

Scully held her breath as she heard him walk into the room, her heart aching from the pain it had experienced as she heard his familiar strides and she could almost smell his cologne. She hugged the covers closer to her again and squeezed her eyes shut.

 _Perhaps she could pretend that she was asleep?_

But to her surprise he didn't try and get in the bed beside her. Instead, she heard what sounded like rustle of his jeans and the pushing back of a chair across the thin carpet.

 _"Scully?"_

She felt all of the air leave her body as he spoke, causing tears to spring to her eyes. He sounded genuinely upset, distraught even, unlike she had ever heard him before. More than he had been when his Mother had died.

She blinked the tears away angrily. Her arms were still aching from the force he had used against her.

She mustn't forget...

"Scully I…" He continued with difficulty, "I know you can hear me. I don't expect you to answer me."

She swallowed nervously, closing her eyes as her lower lip trembled with tears. Every fibre in her being wanted to jump out of the bed and run to him, hug him and kiss him, tell him it was ok, but she had to force herself to stay put..

"I'm... I'm so, so sorry. I know that probably won't make much difference but I wanted you to know that. You know that I would never want to hurt you." He said, his voice full of care and sincerity. "But Scully I'm… I'm so scared… I'm afraid of myself now. I'm so lost. I feel like I don't know who I am anymore. I _need_ you. Please Scully... I'm so sorry..."

She heard his voice start to crack with tears and she also heard the fear in his tone. Scully raised a hand to her mouth to stop herself from letting out a sob. She didn't want him to see that she pitied him.

"I realise now that you were right, there's only one explanation for this. I would never hurt you intentionally, you must know that. I've been a bad person, a really bad person. I've treated you like shit and I know that. Scully I've been stupid to ignore your concerns. I know now that you were right.." He sighed.

Scully waited, waited for the words she wanted to hear...

"I'm sick. I'm really sick. I need help." He managed, then Scully heard him collapse into tears.

* * *

Scully felt relieved that he had finally admitted he was sick.

But she was still hurting. She was still _heartbroken._

She heard his crying from behind her and it upset her. Of course it did. This was Mulder, the love of her life.

She wasn't sure what to do. Should she comfort him? She loved him so much and always would, but he had hurt her so badly...

"I…. Scully… I don't… I can't… Scully _I can't lose you…"_

She heard his mangled voice through his tears, some of his words were incoherent but she heard the important ones.

Scully tried to remain calm. Taking a deep breath she turned over in the bed, rolling onto her back and stared at the ceiling.

She listened to Mulder's cries quieten a little, presumably as he had heard her move in the bed. She closed her eyes in the semi darkness for a few minutes, trying desperately to think of what to say to him.

"Mulder... it's going to be ok." _Was what came out finally._

She slowly pushed herself up from her lying position and propped herself up against the pillows. She spotted him, sitting against the door, his knees pulled up to his chest. He was shaking his head and his tears were glistening. She felt so much pity for him that it almost took her breath away.

"I'm glad that you have accepted this now." She said, trying not to meet his gaze as she knew she would easily give into him if she did.

"I'm so sorry… so, so sorry…" He said over and over to her.

"I know you are. I know Mulder." She said softly.

"I'll take the meds. Anything, anything to get you to forgive me. I want to get better Scully. I _have_ to. I can't go on like this."

Scully took a sharp intake of breath as he spoke, his voice pleading and desperate. She knew that he was distraught. Her heart was telling her to hold him, to kiss him, but her head was keeping her sensible, telling her to keep her distance..

"All right. I will get them for you." She said in a low voice, trying to sound unattached. She slipped out from under the covers and took the container from the bedside table where she had placed it after Mulder had erupted on her. She glanced at the guns near the door, _dangerously near Mulder she decided._

She would sort them out next, after he had taken his medication.

Scully went into the bathroom and filled up a glass of water, then walked back into the bedroom. Mulder was still in the same place, looking destroyed. She swallowed down her concerns and slowly edged towards him. She was careful not to get too close, _in case he pulled her into his arms..._

"Thank you." He said simply as she placed the water and the pills down next to him on the floor. She caught his gaze for a second and felt her stomach flip as he stared into her soul, begging for forgiveness.. but then quickly pulled away. She slipped back into bed, sitting up against the pillows again so that she could watch Mulder.

She observed as he fulfilled his promise and finally, took the medication.

"When will it start to work? I don't want to feel like this anymore." Mulder asked, his voice shaky.

She bit her bottom lip as tears threatened to fall once more as he sounded so helpless.

"Soon. You need to get some rest." She said, taking hold of the pillows by her side.

For a split second, Mulder looked remotely hopeful and relieved, and she knew it was because he was expecting her to invite him into the bed beside her.

 _But that was not to be the case._

"Here." She said, tossing him the pillows and the blanket which was thrown over her feet. Mulder looked crestfallen as he caught them in his hands, realising the extent of what he had done.

 _She couldn't bear to look at him.._

"We have to get going early in the morning. I want to take you to the Hospital to get a proper diagnosis."

Mulder raised his eyes to hers and opened his mouth to speak, as if he was going to object, tomorrow being December 21st… but he stopped himself, surrendering to the fact that he had lost this battle.

"Unless aliens invade, then I guess we will have other things to do." She said sarcastically, unintentionally amusing Mulder slightly. She noticed a small smile curl up the side of his lips. In annoyance she raised her eyebrow at him, to which he soon stopped smiling, his face deathly serious once more.

"Good night Mulder."

"Good night Scully.. I didn't mean to do what I did. I feel so terrible. I wish I could make it right."

Scully felt the tears well in her eyes again. Her heart was calling out for him.

No, she had to remain strong.

She opened her mouth to speak.

She could have said _I love you_ back or _I forgive you_ … but she couldn't.

She literally couldn't find the words.

So she nodded in response, then pushed herself down in the bed. She reached over and switched off the bedside light, plunging them both into awkward darkness.

* * *

 **PLEASE REVIEW**

 **poor, poor babies :((**


	28. Chapter 28

**CHAPTER TWENTY EIGHT**

The next morning, December 21st

As she woke up she sat upright immediately as she remembered she had forgotten about the guns.

Scully opened her eyes wide and flung her head around quickly, towards where Mulder had been sleeping and saw that he wasn't there.. but the guns were still all placed on the side.

 _That meant that he didn't have them.._

A wave of relief washed over her and she quickly jumped out of bed, her nerves on high alert as she knew that today was the day.

And nothing had happened.. everything appeared normal..

But where was _Mulder?_

"Don't worry, I didn't touch the guns."

His voice came from her left, low and miserable. Scully turned towards him slowly, her heart aching as she could tell immediately that he was upset.

She saw that he was sitting near the door on the wooden chair. He was seated on it the wrong way round, his arms hanging over the back.

Mulder held his head low as he looked into his lap.

He knew that Scully would have been worried about him hurting himself or even hurting her with the weapons so he had made an effort not to touch them, although it had been difficult as he had been anxious that something was going to happen. He had wanted to be able to protect her at all costs.

Dana held her breath for a moment as she saw his slumped body and his sad body language. _She hated seeing him like this._

"Good." She said, almost in a whisper. "How long have you been awake?"

"That's a good one." Mulder scoffed with a small laugh. Scully didn't laugh back.

"You didn't sleep at all?"

"I tried."

There was a moment of silence between them as Scully looked at him with concern. She licked her lips nervously, unsure of what to say. Glancing out of the window she saw that everything appeared normal.

"No aliens?" She asked finally with heavy sadness.

"No aliens." He confirmed.

Scully nodded, tears stinging her eyes.

She had known it all along, but she knew that Mulder was devastated. She felt so much pity for him and all she wanted to do was comfort him, but she couldn't bring herself to, not after last night.

"I'm sorry Mulder."

Mulder let out a long breath.

"He lied to us Scully. All this time, I've been waiting for it to happen… and nothing, you were right."

"Mulder that man was stringing you along for years. He took pleasure in it."

"That man was my Father."

"No Mulder. Your Father was William Mulder."

Mulder shook his head and Scully saw him stifle back tears. He tried to hide them from her but she knew him too well. She so desperately wanted to wrap her arms around him but she forced herself to remain strong.

"Mulder you are not like him, I know what you are thinking." She said firmly, although her own tears were threatening to fall for him. "Let's get going. I'm going to get you the help you need." She said, edging towards him and without thinking, she placed her hands on his shoulders gently. Mulder breathed a sharp take of breath in response to her touch and then reached his hand around to his shoulder and placed it over hers. She closed her eyes as he touched her, her body whimpering in response and wanting to collapse into his, but she managed to resist somehow...

"Scully... why do I feel like this?" He asked weakly. "It never stops."

"Because you're sick." She soothed, then knelt down next to him so that she was looking up into his face now. Her heart ached with pain as she saw how distraught he was. Mulder tried to avoid her glance and she could see he felt shameful. "Mulder, it's ok. Everything is going to be ok." She soothed again, placing her other hand on his knee now and squeezing it reassuringly.

"I can't understand it Scully, why would he lie to us?"

"I don't know Mulder. But right now, that's the least of your concerns. You just have to focus on getting well again."

"Are you going to… to stay with me?" He asked abruptly, his question knocking her totally off guard. She opened her mouth in shock as she tried to come to terms with the weight of the question. She looked at him as he looked so lost and afraid, _as if he couldn't live without her._

She was upset and angry at him, but that she had to forgive him as he hadn't meant it. He was sick.

And there was no way she was going to leave him, _not now._

"Of course I am." She said softly.

She was going to stand by him through his recovery, of course she was, but she wasn't sure what would happen in the meantime..

"But you're not sure if you want to be with me anymore… right?"

Mulder raised his eyes to hers and she felt his overwhelming sadness consume her. Mulder was staring into her soul as he always did. She felt as if she was trapped and she couldn't look away.

It was a loaded question, which she was unable to answer at the moment. She just hoped that he would recover and that they could start over. Her heart was broken, it would take time to heal. She would always love him, but she couldn't just carry on as normal after the night before.

She shook her head sadly.

"I can't answer that right now Mulder, I'm sorry.."

* * *

 **PLEASE REVIEW!**

 **sorry it's a short one..**


	29. Chapter 29

**CHAPTER TWENTY NINE**

Our Lady of Sorrows Hospital – Psychiatric Ward

December 24th 2012  


"Dr Scully? Are you going to be getting home soon? It's almost 6.30!"

 _Scully felt as if a ton of bricks had been dropped on her head._

Turning to look at one of her distant colleagues, a male nurse who she thought went by the name of James, she saw that he was looking at her with a large grin. She noticed that he wore a Christmas sweater and was suitably jovial for this time of year.

It was Christmas Eve after all.

But he had no idea that the love of her life had been admitted to the hospital just days before and it was very unlikely that he would be coming home for Christmas.

Therefore, Scully had been beside herself, unable to sleep or leave work for long as she was so worried about him.

She knew that she was going to have to give up on Christmas this year.

 _She couldn't leave him on his own._ Forcing a grin she tried to hide her sadness.

"I know, it's getting late. Just a few more patients to check on.." She started, her voice wavering slightly as she knew that she was referring to Mulder, "and then I'll be on my way. Merry Christmas James."

"Thank you, make sure you don't stay too long! That bird won't cook itself!" He exclaimed happily, then passed her, his excited body language a stark contrast to the pain which was inside her heart. She let out a long breath as soon as he had left the corridor, relieved to get some peace.

She had been working hard all day, focusing on getting all her procedures done so that her patients could either go home or could have a relaxed Christmas without being prodded or poked too much. Scully pulled her hair out of it's tie and shook it loose, running a hand through it to try and make it look half decent. She was still in her scrubs but she was pretty much done for the day. All she wanted to do was see Mulder.

As she neared the ward where he was, she felt the familiar sadness creep over her as it did every time she went to visit him, which was often. It had only been two days, but it already felt like a lifetime. Mulder had been devastated and embarrassed when he had been admitted after their long car journey back on December 21st, not expecting to be admitted so soon. Scully had been shocked also, and it had been incredibly hard to witness. He had shouted and fought against the Doctor's wishes and Scully had tried to calm him down, begging him to understand that it was only temporary...

That night she had cried herself to sleep in the house on her own. She had felt responsible for his unhappiness.

She let out another long breath which was laced with nerves now as her sneakers squeaked against the freshly mopped Hospital floor.

 _Finally, she came to Mulder's room._

He had been sleeping mostly the past few times she had visited. She prayed he was better now, having caught up on his sleep. She knew that he had been given heavy doses of anti depressants and also some sedation.

He had a nice room by the standards of a Hospital with decent furnishings and his own bathroom. Because he was only mentally sick, he didn't need all the clinical instruments around him. Scully was reassured that she knew his psychiatrist well and also his Doctor. Psychiatry was not her strength at all but she was glad he was in good hands.

"Mulder?" She said softly as she opened the door and peered around it anxiously.

To her relief, she noticed that he appeared better today.

* * *

Mulder was sat on his bed watching a baseball game.

His right arm was rested behind his head and the remote was in the other. He was wearing his own clothes, a pair of jeans and a t-shirt Scully had brought from home. _As he heard her voice he felt his heart race faster immediately._

"Hey. Come on in, I'm just watching a game." He said, just the sight of her making him feel so much better.

"How are you feeling?" She asked in a gentle voice, a smile curling up the side of her lips as she looked at him, her beautiful blue eyes full of concern. Mulder was aware of her walking towards him slowly. He turned away from the game and put it on mute, placing the remote on his bedside table and taking her all in. She looked tired, as if she hadn't been sleeping well.

He missed her terribly at night and he could only imagine.. _or hope that she felt the same._

"Ok, at the moment." He said, forcing a soft smile as she reached his bedside.

Mulder was grateful that she didn't look at him like his own Doctor did.

She looked at him like he was a genuine person, like he was the same as before, obviously with worry and concern - but not just as a patient. He wouldn't be able to bear it if she looked at him any other way.

"That's good." She said, her voice so soft again and loving.

 _Mulder wasn't sure whether she could ever forgive him for what he did, but he really hoped that they could find a way._

He reached out for her hand and waited for a moment as she stared at it nervously, unsure whether to take it. Mulder begged her with his mind to take it, desperate to feel her touch as he missed it so much.

Thankfully, she did.

Mulder felt a wave of pleasure and happiness wash over him as she laced her fingers through his and she stared at their hands in silence for a moment.

"I'm sorry about Christmas." Mulder said finally, his voice breaking with emotion.

He knew how much Scully had wanted to share Christmas with her Mother. And now she wasn't going to even _have_ a Christmas. Mulder had told her to go to Bill's, spend some time with her family.

But she had refused, not wanting to leave him alone.

"Don't worry about it. Your health is more important."

"When do you think I'm going to be able to get out of here Scully?"

"I don't know yet. There's still some tests to do."

"But I'm... I'm _not_ going to hurt myself." He said with a sigh, trying to meet her gaze but she wasn't looking at him, she was still staring at their hands.

"Mulder, you still need to be properly evaluated. It's been two days."

"I'm more depressed here than I am at home, with you." Mulder said, pointing out the _'you'_. But his words hadn't gained the reaction he had hoped for. She was suddenly looking at him with sad eyes.

"How can you say that?" She exclaimed with hurt. Mulder frowned in confusion.

"What?"

"Mulder I worry about you, day and night." Scully said, her voice a sad whisper now as she looked at him with overwhelming worry. Mulder swallowed nervously as he saw the desperation in her eyes.

"I know." He managed softly.

"I don't think you do."

"I _do_ Scully, of course I do."

"Then how can you say that to me!? I'm trying to get you the help you need!" She exclaimed, a single tear now running down her cheek.

Mulder watched the tear in horror, his heart aching with guilt as it came over him like a wave, then started to get stronger, building into a crest and then drowning him. The horrific feeling that had been plaguing him for so long was now easier to identify, at least his psychiatrist had helped him with that so far.

"I- I feel it coming again." Mulder murmured sadly, turning away from her and facing the wall.

* * *

Scully frowned in shock as he turned away from her and she noticed with horror that she could hardly recognize his voice.

She squeezed his hand gently then placed her other hand on top of both of theirs.

 _The worry that was raging inside her was overwhelming._

"Mulder? Mulder, talk to me." She begged.

"It's coming again... I can't control it.." Mulder murmured, as if he was in pain.

"Mulder!" She cried out desperately.

"Scully I _need_ to take my meds." Mulder said with difficulty, then raised his free hand to his face and buried it in it. Scully felt slight panic take over her.. "Scully, _my meds_ …" He said again through gritted teeth, his voice desperate now. She nodded in response and glanced around the room then spotted them on the side. She quickly pulled away from him, much to her heartache and grabbed them in her hands, hurrying to get them out of the small container. She also quickly got him a glass of water from the bathroom. She hated being away from him for just the smallest moment when he was like this.

 _She wished she could keep her eyes on him at all times._

Finally she rushed back towards him, handing over his meds and pushing them into his hand. Mulder was still hiding his face in his other hand, his whole body hunched over. Scully ran her eyes over him with worry and then held the glass of water for him, ready for when he had swallowed the pills.

 _But he wasn't taking them._

"Mulder? Mulder take the pills." She urged.

"Just _get out_ Scully…" He barked from behind his hand. Scully opened her mouth in slight shock as she heard him snap at her, but then ignored it, knowing that he didn't mean it...

"Mulder come on, take the pills." She urged again, firmer this time and she grabbed onto his hand which was clutching the little white capsules. She carefully reached her other hand to his which was covering his face and laced her fingers through his, carefully peeling his hand from his face and exposing his sad eyes. Scully helped him raise the capsules up to his mouth and finally, he took them. She grabbed the water and held it to him, which he swallowed down also.

When she was satisfied he had taken them properly, she took the glass of water from his hands, _which, she noticed was plastic, not glass,_ and placed it back on the bedside table.

Mulder was hunched over still, his face pale and lifeless as he stared into his lap. She frowned with heavy concern once more as she saw how sad he looked. Scully knew that it probably wasn't the best idea at the moment as she wasn't sure where they stood in their relationship, but she couldn't help but run her hand up and down his back, trying to soothe him out of this spiral he was in. Mulder closed his eyes as she rubbed circles around the base of his spine. She reached for his hand again with her free one and he took it gladly, seemingly relieved by her comfort.

"It's ok." She soothed gently as he slowly started to recover, his face slightly less pale than before and his face softening. Then, to her surprise he leant forward and wrapped his arms around her, burying his head in her bosom.

Scully gasped in shock as Mulder clung onto her small frame, nearly toppling her over. She opened her eyes wide as he squeezed her tightly, his face nestled sideways against her chest and his quiet sobs breaking her heart. She looked down at the top of his head which was just under her chin, his lush brown hair which she had always loved to run her fingers through, inviting her to do it again.

There was no way she could push him away. _She loved him, she always would._

"Oh Mulder, it's ok _my love._ " She gushed unexpectedly, then wrapped her arms around him as well, holding him close. She reached one hand up to his hair and ran her fingers through it, then kissed the top of his head softly.

Dana closed her eyes and remembered holding him like this after his Mother had died. Mulder had been tormenting himself, listening to his Mothers last voicemail message to him, desperately trying to find a reason why she had died. Scully had then broke the news that she had already been dying of a horrific disease, after performing the autopsy and that his Mother had in fact taken her own life.

She had comforted him like this that night, they had even ended up sleeping together in the same bed, clutching onto each other for dear life. That was one of the first times they had come close to sleeping together, but Scully had remained strong and had managed to push him away as she knew it would have been wrong in his vulnerable state. Mulder had wanted to, but she was sure that he would possibly would have regretted it in the morning. So they had just held each other all night, Mulder nestled against her bosom like he was now, his arms holding her tight as if he would never let her go..

"I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry for everything."

 _Scully sighed sadly at his words._

He had apologized so many times already, she knew that he was sorry.

But then it hit her, _may be this was partly her fault._

She felt her stomach rise to her chest as the horrifying reality hit her, that she had just brought on his spiral by making him feel guilty.

She had to stop doing that.

She had to remain positive for him.

* * *

 **PLEASE REVIEW!**


	30. Chapter 30

**CHAPTER THIRTY**

Mulder and Scully's House - December 31st

6.40pm

"Mom?"

"Dana, what a lovely surprise! How are you?"

She almost crumbled as she heard her Mother's voice, asking her if she was ok.

 _Of course she wasn't ok._

Mulder was still in hospital and she was close to losing her mind, the worry and overwhelming concern taking all her energy...

"I'm fine!" She blurted out, trying to disguise her tears.

"Oh sweetheart… I _know_ when you're not fine."

Scully knew she could never hide her emotions from her Mother. _She could sense them just as clearly as Mulder could_ , and her favorite line was always 'I'm fine'.

Which meant she was _not_ fine..

"Are you having a nice time at Bill's?" Scully asked, pushing the tears down and struggling to sound normal. Her mother paused on the other end and she could hear Bill's family laughing in the background. Her nieces and nephews, not so young anymore. Scully felt sad as she realised she hadn't seen them for a long time. She had missed so many important moments in their life.

 _Scully's heart was aching as she missed her family._

She imagined being there with them now, but then she stopped herself as she knew there was no way she would be able to relax with Mulder being in the state he was currently in...

"Yes Dana, I have had a wonderful Christmas. We've missed you."

Scully took a sharp intake of breath and covered her mouth with her hand as she tried not to cry down the phone to her Mother.

She didn't want her to worry..

"And how is everyone?" She asked in a high pitched voice.

"Oh Dana sweety, we are all fine. How are _you_? How is Fox?"

 _She closed her eyes and felt her heart raging in her chest as her Mother's mention of Mulder._

"Is he still sick? You must be so worried, don't worry Dana, please don't worry.."

Her mother's voice was so comforting.

She missed her dearly and wished things could have been different. She hadn't had a Christmas at all, Christmas day had been spent by Mulder's side in the hospital, opening a couple of presents they had bought in advance.

The hospital had given them a microwaveable Christmas dinner, _but it wasn't the same._

However, Scully knew that Mulder had to get better. She could live with it, it was temporary, but she couldn't deny that she was sad she hadn't spent time with her Mother in such a long time, _and she needed her now more than ever._

"I'm trying not to worry too much. But I love him Mom, I can't help it."

"Oh baby, I know you do." Margaret said, the love and adoration for her daughter evident in her voice. Scully imagined her face right now, a small smile of agreement on her lips and her kind eyes, glazed with sympathetic tears.

"Mom?" Scully asked after a moment.

"Yes?"

"I'm sorry it didn't work out, us spending Christmas together. I know Bill thinks it's all Mulder's fault, but he's sick. We couldn't have seen this coming."

"I know Dana. You don't have to apologize to me. I miss you so much though, when will I see you again?"

Scully tried to calm herself as she felt the guilt creep over her.

She wanted to see her Mother too, and soon. She made a mental note to see her as soon as possible.

"I don't know yet Mom, hopefully when Mulder is well again."

"All right sweet heart."

"Oh Mom… I love you." Scully suddenly heard herself blurt out, stifling back tears which were now blinding her vision. She hated making her Mother worry about her but she couldn't help it. All she wanted was a comforting hug from her. _The house was so empty without Mulder._

"Sweetheart, please don't cry…"

She heard her Mother start to weep on the other end, sensing her pain.

Scully felt her heart breaking again.. it was unable to heal.

She was so worried about what was going to happen. She missed Mulder and she wanted him home, but what then? Were they ok? _Were they going to be able to move on from this?_

"What are you doing? Upsetting her like that!?"

Scully gasped in surprise as she heard the scuffle on the other end and then heard the harshness of her brother Bill's voice, taking her by surprise and crashing her back to reality.

She knew that he was mad and had just taken the phone off her Mother, clearly annoyed that she was making her cry.

Scully held her breath for a moment and tried to contain her anger.

Bill was infuriating sometimes, always wanting to control the situation.

 _And he was less than favorable about her and Mulder's relationship…_

"Bill! What is going on? I was talking to Mom!" Scully cried out, standing up from the kitchen chair that she was sat on and frowning in annoyance.

"Dana you can't call her and lay all your problems on her. She's fragile for gods sake, you _know_ that!"

"Well I'm sorry that you think that I am hurting her by letting her talk to her daughter!" Scully shouted.

"You've got her worried sick! Quite frankly, we _all_ are! You're in that house on your own, no friends or family around you, at _Christmas_ time!" He exclaimed.

"Bill, you _know_ what has happened to Mulder."

"Yes, and it was only a matter of time…"

Scully felt as if her brother had stabbed her in the back with a knife. _How dare he?_

" _What_ did you just say to me!?"

"He's insane! He always was! Dana he is hurting you. Emotionally draining you. _It's not fair!_ "

"Bill!" She cried out in horror, the tears now falling down her cheeks as she felt stung by her brother's harsh words.

"Dana I know you love him, after all these years I have come to accept that. But I never expected him to treat you this way. I knew he was selfish but...! He needs to man up and _get over it_!"

"I CAN'T TALK TO YOU RIGHT NOW!" Dana raged.

 _She had had enough._

"Dana wait! I'm sorry! I'm just worried about you!" Bill exclaimed.

"NO! I'm going to HANG UP BILL! HAPPY NEW YEAR!"

And she did, pressing the end button on the phone and then throwing it across the kitchen causing it to smash against the counter.

* * *

Scully struggled to regain her balance and she felt faint.

She couldn't believe her brother had been such an _asshole_ just now.

How dare he say those things to her? How dare he!?

She tore off towards the wine rack, tears still blinding her vision as she knew that all she wanted was to drink. She was surprised at her narrow mindedness. Part of her now slightly understood why Mulder did it.

She needed a glass of wine, she wanted to drink as much as she could and then fall asleep in bed, _numb to the outside world.._

But then she stopped suddenly as it was now her cell phone's turn to ring.

She felt her body trembling with anger and emotion as she listened to it, frozen to the spot. It was probably Bill. He was probably calling to apologize.

Well, _she didn't want a fucking apology._

As she ignored it and reached for the bottle of Merlot, she was surprised to hear it ring again, the caller clearly insistent.

With a heavy sigh and placed the bottle back in the rack on the worktop then walked towards her handbag which was on the kitchen table, the loud ringtone filling the empty house.

She took a deep breath as she checked who it was.

But to her shock she realized it wasn't Bill... but the _hospital._

She jumped into full alert now, bringing the phone to her ear in one quick movement, her heart racing with worry and fear as she wondered what they would be calling her for.

 _Mulder had been fine when she had left, he had been totally fine…_

"Yes?" She said in an urgent whisper.

"Dr Scully, this is Dr Wellington, Mr Mulder's psychiatrist.

"Yes, yes I know who you are…" She spoke quickly, recognizing her voice instantly.

"All right, well I'm afraid I have some worrying news."

"What's happened!?" Scully cried out, her body trembling uncontrollably now. But Dr Wellington didn't answer fast enough. " _WHAT'S HAPPENED_!" She demanded.

"Well, I'm afraid he's been put under suicide watch."

Scully couldn't believe what she was hearing, it was almost as if she was in a nightmare.

Her worst fears had come true.

She felt the ground crumble from beneath her and she knew that she couldn't and wouldn't wait for an explanation.

 _She had to see him._

"I'll be right there!"

* * *

 **PLEASE REVIEW!**


	31. Chapter 31

**CHAPTER THIRTY ONE**

Scully pressed her foot down on the accelerator, her mind focused only on where she had to go.

She passed houses with driveways full of cars, people on the streets dressed up, heading out for the night to celebrate the new year.

The happiness that she witnessed outside of her car was such a stark contrast to what was going on in her head.

She was frantic, worrying about what she was going to see when she got to the hospital.

Had he tried to commit suicide?

Was he hurt?

 _What had he done?_

Suddenly she regretted not speaking to the Doctor further on the phone, but she had not wanted to be too upset to drive.

She was mentally preparing herself for what she would encounter as she pulled into the car park of the hospital, relieved that she had a parking space waiting for her as she knew it could get busy on the holiday.

 _People did stupid things at this time of year, especially when they had been drinking._ The emergency room looked like it was already filling up.

She slammed on the brakes and climbed out of the car, her long black winter coat sweeping along the ground as she shut the door behind her and pressed the lock button on her key.

It was so cold, there was already ice on the ground. Snow was forecast in the next few days.

She felt the chill as soon as she started to walk towards the hospital entrance so she pulled her coat across her body and tied it as she took big strides towards the door, her straight red hair blowing behind her in the winter chill, styled perfectly in a long bob.

"Where is he?" She demanded as she reached the reception.

She knew everyone here and she was thankful that she had had him admitted to Our Lady of Sorrows rather than another hospital. Scully felt her body on high alert as the receptionist told her where he was. She was off straight away, running towards the psychiatric ward, her heeled ankle boots clipping against the floor.

This part of the hospital was quiet.

She frantically tried to find Dr Wellington, checking all the offices. She ran up the hallway and turned left and reached Mulder's room, but when she opened the door she was disappointed to find someone else in there.

"I'm so sorry." She mumbled in embarrassment, her cheeks flaring as she saw an older lady in the bed, looking at her with wide, confused eyes.

Scully shut the door again behind her and cursed under her breath.

Then she was pounding the hallways like mad woman, her heart raging and her body tensing with every second that went by.

 _Where the hell was Dr Wellington!?_

"Hey!"

She caught sight of one of Mulder's nurses, walking away from her further down the corridor. She turned immediately at the sound of her call, then her eyes rested on her sympathetically.

Scully didn't like the fact that she was being looked at that way, _it didn't bode well for Mulder..  
_

"Where is he?" She demanded, catching her breath as she finally reached the young nurse.

"Down the hall. But I'm not sure it's a good idea that you-"

"Take me too him!" Scully snapped, grabbing the nurse by the arm and ignoring her.

She knew exactly what she was trying to say and she was _not_ going to accept it.

"All... all right Dr Scully." She nurse said awkwardly, leading her towards Mulder.

Scully took a deep breath and tried to calm herself, loosening her clutch on the nurses arm.

 _She needed to calm down, but it was impossible._

* * *

Mulder lay in his bed, the whiteness of his bed sheets and the walls making his eyes sting.

His new room was a lot more clinical, he didn't like it much.

He could smell the scent of antiseptic and it was making him feel nauseous. Two people were standing by his bedside with clipboards in their hands, talking amongst themselves in hushed voices. His vision was blurry and slowly he recognized Dr Wellington, but not the other person.

 _He didn't even know what all the fuss was about.._

He hadn't physically done anything to harm himself. They were all nervous and on edge, looking at him with concerned eyes, then looking back at their clipboards.

They had been doing that for the past few hours, or so he thought. _.. he had no idea what time it was now.._

Mulder knew he was heavily sedated, he could hardly string a sentence together at the moment. He felt annoyed that they had done this to him – he hadn't misbehaved!

He frowned as he tried to remember what he had done to cause this...

But he couldn't remember anything at the moment, his mind was fussy.

 _He really needed Scully._

She would make him feel better, he was sure of it. But she was probably at home now, so there was no need to think of her...

Closing his eyes he drifted off for a moment, unable to stay awake as the heavy sedation hit him hard. He felt as if he could hardly move. _Had they done this on purpose to stop him hurting himself?_

After a few moments of silence, inside his own messed up head, he thought he could hear the undeniable faint voice of Scully by his side.

He frowned in confusion as he tried to open his eyes.

He wanted to see her, but his eyelids were so darn heavy.. _was she there?_

His heart ached with sadness and frustration as he tried to see her, but it was no use...

* * *

"What happened?"

Dr Wellington was looking at her sympathetically as she stood next to Mulder's bed. She was staring at him with sad eyes, her face pale.

Scully couldn't bear to see him like this, heavily sedated and helpless.

As she bit her bottom lip to stop the tears from falling she laced her fingers through his, squeezing them gently, hoping he would respond.

But he didn't. _He was still._

"Mulder? Mulder, it's me." She spoke to him softly, looking down at him with worry.

"He's in and out of it. Here, take a seat and I'll explain what happened." Dr Wellington said from behind her, pulling up a spare chair to the left of the room.

But Scully didn't want to leave Mulder.

She studied every detail of his face and noticed he looked worn and emotionally drained. _What had they been doing to him?_ Scully reached her other hand to his face and pushed a lose piece of hair away from his eyes, patting it down neatly so he looked more Mulder like. She then stroked the back of her fore finger down the side of his face gently, _hoping that he knew she was there with him…_

"Please Dana, take a seat."

Dr Wellington's voice pulled her away from him with regret, and she nodded silently, sitting down on the chair but keeping her eyes on Mulder.

"What did he do?" She asked in a timid voice, scared to hear the answer.

"Well luckily he didn't hurt himself, it was rather what he _said_ than what he _did,_ that concerns us."

Scully took a beat.

"You mean he didn't actually _do_ anything to make you think he would hurt himself?"

"That's right. But we cannot take any chances."

She turned to Dr Wellington finally, feeling anger fill her chest.

It was uncontrollable. She loved this man. She loved him beyond reason, so matter what.

 _And she felt angry that Mulder had been put in this position just for saying something stupid..._

"I know it's hard, but Dana, we are trying to keep him safe." Dr Wellington said gently, sensing Scully's defensiveness.

Scully tried to contain her anger.

"All right, what did he say?"

"He said that he was miserable and lonely... and that he was considering taking his own life to stop the pain that he is in."

 _Scully felt all the air leave her body as she heard the words._

Dr Wellington was speaking as tenderly as possible to soften the blow, but it came down on her hard.

"He... he said that?!" She spluttered in disbelief.

"Yes Dana, I'm sorry to give you bad news. We thought he was improving."

 _How could Mulder say such a thing?_

How could things be that bad that he would even _consider it?_

She placed a hand on her chest in shock and shortly found herself in a state of panic.

Dr Wellington looked at her with concern and then she vaguely thought she heard her speaking to the other person in the room and asking for a glass of water for her. But she couldn't hear her properly, her mind was a blur, her ears were a distant hum of noise.

 _She felt as if she couldn't breathe..._

"Calm down Dana. It's all right. Just breathe…" Dr Wellington said firmly, but Scully was trying so hard to, _but it wasn't working_. She felt tears roll down her cheeks as the reality of the situation hit her.

 _She knew Mulder was in a bad state.. but she never would have thought it would get this terrible..._

"Oh my god.." She gasped, then finally he managed to regain her breath, slowly but surely.

Dr Wellington's kind eyes were now in front of her as she knelt down, her hand over Scully's knee.

"It's all right Dana. Just breathe."

"I'm sorry… I'm sorry… I'm better now…" Scully gasped as she slowly came back to normal, slightly embarrassed at her display of weakness. It had taken her by complete surprise.

"I know it's a shock. This can sometimes be harder on the loved ones than who it is actually happening to."

"He didn't mean it. He couldn't have… _could he_?" She asked desperately, turning away from Dr Wellington again and focusing on Mulder once more.

She couldn't believe that he would have said something so terrifying...

"We never know, depression can make people say things they don't mean. But we don't take any of these situations lightly."

"Well…" Scully started, her hand still on her chest as she slowly took deep breaths to calm herself, "What… what happens now?"

"We need to keep him here to monitor him." Dr Wellington said in a sad tone, knowing that Scully would be disappointed.

"This is a nightmare."

"Here, have some water." Dr Wellington said as the person re-entered the room and handed her over a cardboard cup. Scully took it from her with shaking hands and took a small sip, worried if she drank too much she would throw it all back up again…

"I don't want to leave him. Please don't tell me that I have to leave him alone here tonight."

Dr Wellington saw that she was pleading with her, desperately wanting the answer she was hoping for. She knew that it wasn't entirely recommended, but she would let her off, seeing as it was New Years Eve.

"Of course, you can stay here. I'll get someone to set up a bed for you."

"Oh thank you, thank you so much." She gushed, finally finding some hope in the situation and her heart welling with relief. Dr Wellington nodded and gave her a reassuring smile.

"As you say, he probably didn't mean it." She said kindly, "Hopefully he won't be here for long, then he can go back to the original ward."

"I hope so." Scully whispered sadly, keeping her eyes fixed on Mulder as he lay sleeping in his bed. _She hoped he was dreaming nice dreams_. "Will he wake up?"

"As I said, he's in and out of it. He's pretty sedated so he might not be able to talk much. Wait until the morning and he should be more alert. We'll evaluate him then, until then, get some rest Dana."

Scully felt guilty now for being hostile towards this woman before. She was being more than accommodating, letting her stay in the room with a potentially dangerous, but heavily sedated patient.

But Dr Wellington had known her for years, not personally, but she had spoken a few times in private and she knew how much Dana loved Fox.

"Thank you. Thank you very much." She managed finally, then Dr Wellington left the room and closed the door behind her, leaving Mulder and Scully alone.

As Scully stared at Mulder in shock, a display of fireworks suddenly appeared in the window, casting beautiful shapes and colours into the sky.

She was silent as she watched them, wishing that things could be different.

Her mind wondered to their first kiss.

They had been watching the fireworks in times square on the news and Mulder had kissed her, so unexpectedly. It had been wonderful, a romantic and beautiful beginning of the next stage of their relationship...

Her memories soon faded as the fireworks ended, then she got up from her chair and took Mulder's hand once more. She looked down at him lovingly, praying silently that he would recover.

"Mulder? Can you hear me..?" She said softly, just the sound of his heavy breathing now filling the room.

"Happy new year Mulder..."

* * *

 **PLEASE REVIEW**


	32. Chapter 32

**CHAPTER THIRTY TWO**

New Years Day, Mulder's Hospital Room, Our Lady of Sorrows

5.46am

"Scully?"

 _Mulder couldn't believe how lucky he was._

He could see Scully, sleeping next to him in a bed.

How had this happened? _How had they let her stay?_

"Scully..?" He said again, his voice hoarse and tired.

 _At least he could talk now…_

She was sleeping on her side, her body facing away from him. But he could recognize that hair and the line of her body shape under the sheets anywhere. _That was his Scully.._

Slowly she stirred, much to Mulder's happiness. It was still dark outside and he wasn't sure what time it was.

 _May be it was still the middle of the night?_

He watched in anticipation as she turned over in the bed to face him, her beautiful blue eyes blinking and then focusing on his.

His heart welled with love and emotion as she looked at him and he felt so much better, just because she was there.

 _Was he dreaming?_

"Scully?" He gushed happily, his heart racing now.

"Mulder? Mulder are you ok?"

Her voice was full of worry and concern.

He tried to appear normal, so that she wouldn't worry about him.

"Yeah, I guess."

She climbed out of the bed and Mulder saw that she was still wearing her clothes. He wondered what had happened last night, he wanted to know everything...

"Oh my god, Mulder!" She exclaimed as she rushed to his bedside and his heart skipped a beat as she touched his cheek, making him smile.

"You are so beautiful, do you know that?" He grinned, clearly slightly delirious but he meant it, he meant it _one hundred percent..._

"Mulder stop…" She scolded, blushing heavily.

 _Mulder found it adorable when she did this._

"No, I won't." He grinned again.

"I mean it Mulder." She scolded again, then he got the message.

She was mad at him.

"Scully, what happened…" He started.

"Are you serious right now?"

"Yes… is this real? How come you are here?"

Scully looked at him with sympathy and softened a little, still cupping his cheek in her hand.

He wished she would kiss him, _he had missed her so much._

"Mulder, you have been heavily sedated." She said with a frown of concern and he felt her studying him with her eyes. He was silent for a moment as he tried to remember.

"I don't… I don't remember…"

"You don't remember what you said? Why you are in here?" She asked, her tone irritable.

Mulder tried really hard to remember, but it wasn't happening..

"I'm sorry Scully, I don't…"

"Dammit Mulder!" She exclaimed, then to his sadness she let go of his face and placed her hands on her hips, then stared down at the floor. He looked at her with worried eyes, wondering what on earth he had done.

He had obviously done something really bad, seeing as he was in a horrible hospital room and… t _hen he remembered._

"Shit. I'm sorry." He said finally, closing his eyes in shame.

"How could you say that Mulder?!" She exclaimed. Mulder felt his heart ache with pain as he heard the sadness in her voice. "How could you say something like that!"

"I don't know! I can't control what I say or do at the moment." He cried out desperately. " _Please_ Scully, come here…" He pleaded, holding out his hand towards her, but she didn't take it.

"Do you really want to kill yourself? You want to do that to me!? To _me_ Mulder!" She snapped, tears filling her eyes. Mulder was taken aback by her distress.

He had no idea how stupid he had been…

"No. No I don't." He said firmly, staring at her. "I didn't mean it, just like I didn't mean to hurt you that night. I can't control it, I'm trying Scully, I really am.."

" _Dammit Mulder_! Please don't do anything like this again. I can't bear it!" She said, her voice cracking with angry tears.

Mulder looked at her sadly, realizing the pain he had caused her.

He imagined that she had been called last night, told that he had been moved and then she had driven here, frantic and worried.

The guilt towered over him once again and he took a deep breath, feeling terrible for what he had done.

"I'm sorry." He said sadly, turning away from her... _then the cloud started to form.._

* * *

Scully noticed him slipping again immediately and instantly regretted shouting at him.

"Oh Mulder, don't. It's all right." She gushed desperately and without thinking, flung her arms around him as he lay in his bed. Mulder clutched onto her and held her close. "Mulder, _look at me_." She begged, raising her hand to his cheek again and trying to coax him towards her. She couldn't let him spiral again, she didn't want to witness it and she knew now that she sometimes made things worse... "Mulder we _have_ to get over this. You can fight this Mulder. We can fight this together. It's all right, please don't feel guilty. I _love_ you…"

She stopped suddenly as she said the words.

There was a silence as she waited for his response.

She wasn't sure if she should have said this soon after what had happened, she didn't know where they stood..

* * *

Mulder took deep breaths as Scully lay across his chest, holding her tightly.

Her words were echoing in his ears.

 _He was so grateful to hear them, he hadn't been sure that he would ever hear them again after what he did to her..  
_

He felt a heavy weight lift off his shoulders.

She had said it. _She still loved him._

"Scully, say that again." He said breathlessly, happy tears stinging his eyes as he was free of his spiral now. He had passed it now, gaining strength from her.

"Mulder, _I love you_. I _always_ will." She cooed, raising her head now and looking into his eyes as he turned to her simultaneously. "But Mulder, I need you to get better."

He gazed into her blue eyes and then reached his hand up to her face, tucking her red hair behind her ear. _She was so damn beautiful._

"I will." He said firmly, keeping his gaze on her. He had renewed courage now that he knew Scully would be there for him when he recovered. At least he had one less thing to worry about...

"Promise me." She begged. Mulder brushed a tear away from her cheek and even managed a loving smile.

 _He felt so much better already._

"I promise." Mulder watched as Scully let out a breath of relief and he saw her lower lip tremble. "Hey, none of that." He said gently, cupping her cheek gently and rubbing his thumb over her soft skin gently. He traced his thumb to her pink lips and she kissed his thumb back in response. Mulder was desperate to kiss her now, he could almost taste her, and it had been so long. "Do you forgive me for what I did to you? I know I hurt you so badly…" He started, but then he was forced silent as she leaned towards him and kissed him hard on the lips.

Mulder closed his eyes as she kissed him lovingly, his stomach fluttering with excitement and arousal as he ran his hands through her soft hair.

 _She smelt so damn good…_

* * *

 **PLEASE REVIEW**

 **!YAAAAY!**

 **But how long will it last ...?**

 **I have a plan now for the whole story, thanks to my amazing friend _Adapi,_ who has let me vent my ideas.. thank you x**

 **XXXXXXXX**


	33. Chapter 33

**CHAPTER THIRTY THREE**

Our Lady of Sorrows – Early March 2013

Mulder finished up his evaluation with Dr Wellington.

He was relieved that she was happy with his progress.

 _May be he could get out of this hell hole of a ward soon.._

Scully was still staying a few nights a week, especially when she sensed he was vulnerable. The first few weeks she had stayed every night, ever since New Years Eve.

 _How foolish and childish he had been, saying something like that and putting himself in this position..._

Every time he felt guilty about what he had done, he was now able to pull himself out.

But now, he was aware that a lot of his depression was focused on Scully and the guilt he felt towards her misfortunes.

Dr Wellington seemed a little concerned, but not enough to make him overly concerned himself.

He needed Scully. _There was no doubt about that._

"You're doing very well Fox. How are you feeling today?" Dr Wellington asked, her smile broad and welcoming as always.

Mulder managed a small smile back himself.

"I'm good actually."

"When was your last episode, Thursday?" She asked, frowning in slight thought.

Mulder paused as he tried to remember. _Yes she was right._

"Yeah, Thursday."

"And what caused that, exactly?"

Mulder swallowed nervously as he knew exactly what had caused it, Scully had been having a heart to heart with him about William. She had visited his room in the middle of the day to check on him, after doing an operation on a young boy who reminded her of William, or the image of a teenage William that she had.. and Mulder had tried to comfort her as she wept, pining for their little boy… then the guilt had taken over once more.

Mulder was used to her sadness over their son, but in his current mental state, it had hit him harder than usual.

"Umm, Scully and I, we were talking about our.." he started, then stopped himself as he noticed Dr Wellington's hazel eyes rise from the folder she was holding, her brunette eyebrow arching in interest. He felt his heart skip a beat in slight panic as he remembered that William was a secret to most people and Dr Wellington was probably no different, "..erm, something personal. We were talking about some personal issues and it got me down." He corrected himself quickly.

"Would you mind telling me about that?"

"Yes, actually I would mind." Mulder pursed defensively.

"You know, it would really help to talk about it, it would help your recovery.."

"I don't want to talk about it. It's private." Mulder said firmly.

Dr Wellington paused, then brought her pen to the fole again and scribbled something down.

"So it was Dr Scully that made you spiral? Was it something she said to you?" Dr Wellington asked, her eyes focused on his again.

Mulder felt slight annoyance fill his chest as he couldn't understand why she was asking him this.

"Because we have seen this before, haven't we Fox?" She continued, her eyes showing concern as she studied him.

"No, no, not Scully. It wasn't her, it was the subject matter we were talking about. Scully makes me feel better, I... she's my…. my _everything_..." Mulder said, his voice softening into a whisper as his own words echoed in his ears.

 _And how true they were too._

Dr Wellington paused in thought for a moment then wrote something else on the file. Mulder watched anxiously, his heart racing a little faster as he worried that he might have said something wrong...

"So how am I doing? Can I go home soon?" He asked tentatively.

"You're improving. We will give it another week, see how you get on." She said, shifting the file now to her left arm and holding it at her side. Mulder was impressed at how calm and collected she always was.

 _This was just another day at the office for her._

"Ok." He said softly, lowering his head in slight disappointment.

But it wasn't a _'no'.._

"Is Dr Scully still planning to stay for much longer?" She asked suddenly, taking Mulder by surprise.

Mulder knew that Dr Wellington had given them many liberties, letting Scully stay in his room. They were extremely lucky. But in all truthfulness, he had no idea if Scully had plans to stay now or not.

 _Realistically, she probably should have started going home permanently by now.._

"I'm not sure." Mulder asked in thought, gazing over at her empty bed.

He didn't want her to go home and leave him here unless he knew he was coming home. Things had been going so well between them..

"I'll speak to her about it when I see her later." Dr Wellington said with a tight smile as she reached the door. Mulder frowned in uncertainty and wanted to ask her if he had any say in this, but before he could contest it she had left his room, leaving him alone with his thoughts.

* * *

5.30pm

Scully hung her coat over her arm as she walked along the corridor towards Mulder's room. She had gotten so used to this now, it was as if this place was her second home.

Who knew that hospital wards could be so inviting?

May be it was just because Mulder was there and he needed her company, or may be it was because they both wanted their relationship to work so badly that she would do anything to save it. Or may be she just didn't want to go home to the house on her own and be lonely…

But it wouldn't be long now until Mulder would be coming home, _she was confident of that._

He was improving so much now.

The first few weeks had been hard, heart wrenching even. Watching him in such deep emotional turmoil had been hard to bear. But now, he was nearly himself again.

She couldn't wait to get him home and to start their lives again.

She was hopeful that they would be able to be normal again, or as normal as they ever had been.

Neither of them wanted to go through this again, she knew that for sure.

As she neared his room she spotted Dr Wellington, who was standing near her office. She was looking directly at her, her eyes slightly judgemental. Scully frowned in confusion as she saw her looking at her this way, unsure as to why.

Brushing it off, she opened Mulder's door and made her way inside.

She smiled as she saw him, watching TV as always, some rubbish that was just literally background noise.

As she entered he turned to her and smiled, then pushed himself off the bed. Scully raised her arms out to him to pull him into an embrace, which he happily returned, pulling her small frame into the warmth of his chest.

"Hey… you ok?" She whispered into his ear lovingly, then placed a small kiss on his cheek as he pulled away. Mulder took hold of her hands and linked his fingers through hers. She felt a rush of love and passion as he held them reassuringly.

"I'm good. How are you Doc?" He asked with a smile. Scully smiled back, her heart racing with excitement and passion as it always did nowadays.

 _She was so happy that they were finally getting back on track.._

"I'll be better when I know you can come home." She said softly, looking up into his brown eyes. "It's been too long."

"Dr Wellington says one more week. Look Scully, you don't have to stay here if you don't want to, you can go home, take a nice long bath, check that no one has robbed us…" Mulder said, finishing his sentence with a joking smile, which Scully returned.

"Mulder I _have_ been back you know, the odd day here and there. The house is just fine." She laughed.

"Are you sure? I don't want to lose my prize dvd collection."

"Oh my _god_." Scully chuckled and rolled her eyes. Mulder smiled as he watched her cheeks redden.

 _He loved seeing her like this, it was adorable._

"You know that you love it too." He smiled, his eyes dancing with arousal and passion as he teased her. Scully turned away from his gaze and rolled her eyes again, laughing in slight embarrassment which drove Mulder wild.

He leant towards her and kissed her on the cheek then moved his lips down to her neck, _causing her to gasp in excitement…_

"Excuse me. Dr Scully?"

They pulled apart in shock at the sound of Dr Wellington's voice, snapping them out of their bubble.

Their hands dropped and Scully spun around quickly to face her colleague. She wondered if she had seen their display of affection or not. She hoped she hadn't, she was desperate to remain professional.

 _All the more reason for Mulder to come home.._

"Yes?" Scully managed breathlessly.

"Can I talk to you in my office?" She asked simply.

Scully frowned a little in confusion but nodded in response.

"Is something… wrong?" She asked.

"No, no. I just need to speak with you."

Scully wondered why she wanted to speak to her in private, as all she could imagine she wanted to talk to her about was Mulder. They always spoke about Mulder's health with him, not privately. It was only fair.

"Can Mulder come?" Scully asked, turned towards a worried looking Mulder and taking his hand again reassuringly which was now limp by his side as he stared at Dr Wellington.

They both felt that something was _wrong._

"I need to speak with you privately. I spoke to Fox earlier today, it's just to explain what we discussed, also Fox, you need your rest."

Scully trusted this woman, so she could only give her the benefit of the doubt.

But she felt that something wasn't right.

She sighed uneasily then squeezed Mulder's hand gently.

"Mulder, you heard her, get some rest. I won't be long." Scully said softly, to which Mulder nodded silently and agreed.

She let go of his hand and followed Dr Wellington out, not before stopping and taking one last look behind her, her heart calling out for him as saw he looked concerned.

 _Scully hoped that whatever they were both fearing was irrational…_

* * *

 **PLEASE REVIEW**

 **XX**

 **THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR YOUR SUPPORT SO FAR**


	34. Chapter 34

**CHAPTER THIRTY FOUR**

"Dana, please take a seat."

Scully watched in silence as Dr Wellington walked around to her desk then sat down, pushing some files over to the side, placing her elbows on the desk then clasping her hands together.

"What is this about?" Scully asked, her heart racing.

"Just, take a seat."

"No, I'm fine standing." Scully said defensively.

She could tell that something was wrong and she was dreading whatever Dr Wellington had to say to her.

"All right." Dr Wellington said after an uncomfortable moment. She sighed then lowered her eyes. "Dana, I would like to ask you a few questions." Scully frowned in thought as she waited for her to continue. "Fox… sorry, Mulder, is improving well. I have hope that he should be fully recovered within the next month or so."

"Good. That's a relief."

"However, I've been looking at his progress and something has come to my attention, something that I am concerned about."

Scully blinked, her heart raging now anxiously.

"What? Is he ok?" She blurted out with worry.

"Yes, as I said. He is making good improvement. But, what I'm concerned about is that I'm starting to see a pattern in his depression that seems to be triggered by certain memories that inflict heavy pain and guilt.. now, I know that you two have a very difficult and long history.."

"Wha… what are you…" Scully interrupted in shock, but Dr Wellington carried on regardless.

"… and that you have both gone through so much and that you love each other deeply, But Dana, it seems that Mulder's depression is stemming from guilt… guilt directed at _you_."

Scully shook her head in disbelief.

 _She didn't want to know where this was going._

"Dana, I hate to say this as I know that it is gong to be hard for you, but… I think the time has come to give him some space. He needs to learn how to cope on his own, now that he is getting better."

"I… I don't understand. Mulder _needs_ me. He's improved because I've been staying with him.."

"Yes, I know. But you also trigger his depression, whether or not you mean it or realise you are doing it, am I right?"

Scully froze, unable to speak.

She bit back angry tears.

 _The frustrating thing was that she knew Dr Wellington was right._

"I.. I can't believe that you're saying this to me."

"Dana I'm sorry. But as a medical professional you must know that I'm right, or at least you agree with my concerns."

"Well what are you saying? What are you _expecting me to do_?" Scully shouted, horrified that this was happening. She trusted this woman, she had been friendly with her, but now she felt irrational hatred towards her. "How do you know this? Tell me your evidence, show me." Scully snapped, moving towards the desk.

"I have various episodes, all documented. Mulder said that he felt guilty for what happened to you and he feels responsible for your… your..." Dr Wellington started, trying to find the words.

"This is _not_ the only reason why he is sick.." Scully spoke over her, tears stinging her eyes.

"I know Dana, but I have to say, and it hurts me to tell you this but.. it's not helping."

"Where is this coming from?!"

"Mulder told me himself. He told me about his last spiral and how it had happened. He said that you were upset about your child.." Scully opened her eyes wide in shock, she had no idea that Mulder had told her about William. _How could he have done that?_ "..which don't worry, I won't share with anyone. Patient confidentiality."

Scully felt her body start to tremble as she felt a mixture of emotions, anger and sadness. She was furious one second and then desperate the next, trying to find a way around this...

 _She had seen it herself_. Mulder had spiralled when she had mentioned William, also when she had mentioned him hurting her and breaking her heart, he had spiralled a few times in her presence, he always carried so much guilt around with him.

No matter what she said, he would always feel like it was his fault that these terrible things had happened to her. Her abduction, her cancer...

Had it all now become too much? Was this what they had been expecting all along but she had refused to accept it?

 _Was she real reason for his depression?_

"No, I'm not going to listen to this. Mulder needs me." She said in a hoarse voice, trying to keep herself together.

 _She knew where this conversation was going and she didn't want to hear it._

"Dana, please. I know he does… but that may not be the best thing for him right now. He needs to learn to depend on himself."

Scully paused, her heart racing with pain as she felt the hot tears well in her eyes.

She was so _frightened._

"Well…. what do you suggest we do about it?" She asked with heavy dread.

Dr Wellington sighed uncomfortably then looked down at her desk, taking a moment before speaking.

"Firstly, I think that you should give him some space and move back home."

Scully nodded, trying to contain her emotions.

 _She could live with that, she agreed for now._

"Then, we shall see how he deals with that. If he deals with it well, then may be we can talk about your relationship and how it may be affecting him."

 _She wasn't prepared for that one._

"Our… our relationship?" She asked incredulously.

"I'm sorry, I'm getting ahead of myself. When I am happy that he can deal with this on his own, we will re-evaluate."

"I… I can't deal with this right now." Scully spluttered, her heart aching and the tears now falling from her eyes. She clutched her stomach as a sob caught her off guard. Dr Wellington watched her with concern. "I need to talk to him about this." Scully managed weakly, turning and grabbing the door handle.

"Dana stop. I can't let you do that." Dr Wellington's loud voice took her by surprise, causing her to freeze on the spot.

"What?"

"It would be better if you left without saying good bye, without warning. If you tell him what is happening he is more likely to be upset."

Scully couldn't believe what she was hearing. She couldn't do this to Mulder. But she had to trust Dr Wellington, as heart wrenching as it sounded.

"I can't do that to him!" She exclaimed through her tears.

"Yes you can. You are doing it for his own good. I don't want you to contact him for the next few days. He will be confused and upset at first, but how he gets through that will determine how his recovery will go."

Scully shook her head in sadness as she looked at Dr Wellington helplessly, who was now standing up at her desk, her eyes full of sympathy but also seriousness. Scully racked her brains, trying to find a way to get out of this.

 _But there was no way.._

"Oh my god.." she gasped with emotion, closing her eyes sadly.

"As his Doctor, I'm asking you to do this. Please Dana, I promise to keep you updated and if it gets too much, I will of course ask you to come visit him. But I am hopeful that he will get through this."

Scully raised her free hand away from her gut then to her mouth and covered it, stifling a sob as she imagined Mulder, hurt and confused when she didn't come to visit, or contact him at all.

 _This was going to be the hardest thing she was ever going to have to do._

She couldn't speak.

She suddenly felt as if she needed fresh air or she was going to throw up.

Grabbing the handle and pulling the door open slowly, she exited the office and turned right, walking down the hall and away from direction of Mulder's room, forcing herself not to look back once. Fellow nurses and Doctors exchanged worried glances as she stormed past them then towards the stairs, her face ashen and damp with tears.

* * *

 **PLEASE REVIEW**


	35. Chapter 35

**CHAPTER THIRTY FIVE**

Three Weeks Later – March 2013

"Where is she god dammit, I wanna know where she is!"

"Mr Mulder, I need you to calm down.."

"Don't tell me to calm down, it's been nearly three weeks and she's just disappeared! Her bed has gone, her clothes, everything, _and you won't fucking let me call her_!" He shouted, his eyes stinging with angry tears as he shouted at the young nurse.

 _He would regret it later, she was only doing her job..._

She looked at him as he towered over her, her green eyes wide with slight fear.

"Mr Mulder please, don't make me call security." She said, raising her hands towards him.

"Where is she?!" He shouted in heavy frustration.

His heart was smashed to pieces.

At first he had been worried, but not too worried. He knew that she was probably going to move back home soon anyway and he just accepted that, but three weeks?

Not a single phone call, visit or _anything?_

"I'm sorry Mr Mulder, but Dr Scully is only allowed to contact you herself."

"What if something has happened to her?!" He exclaimed, his eyes blurry with worried tears as he feared the worse, his thoughts dark and irrational, "have you seen her? Have you?" He asked, his eyes wide as he stared at the young nurse, begging her to help.

"I-I have. I saw her the other day actually, I can assure you that she is perfectly well.."

"She's been coming to work?! Here?!" Mulder interrupted her, flabbergasted.

"Yes." The nurse said in a small voice, as if she wasn't sure she should have told him that.

"Ok." Mulder nodded, biting his lip in concentration. Well, if she was here, he could just go and see her. He searched around for a nice enough shirt to wear for her.

 _He could just go and see her. Everything would be fine.._

He wasn't a danger to anyone, right?

 _He was sure they could let him out just for a moment so that he could see her…_

"Mr Mulder where are you going?" His nurse snapped as she noticed him walking towards the door in long determined strides as he buttoned up his light blue shirt.

"I'm going to see my girlfriend." He muttered, ignoring her as he reached the door, but..

"Mr Mulder I can't let you leave this ward." She said, jumping in front of him and grabbing the door knob, her whole body pressed against it and her green eyes glaring into his threateningly.

Mulder was speechless for a moment. _What the fuck was going on here?!_

"Let. Me. Out." He said in a low growl.

The nurse pursed her lips and held her ground.

"You know you can't leave this ward. You know that."

"You have no way of keeping me in here." Mulder sighed, looking down at his feet for a moment. "You're gonna have to call security because I'm getting out of here."

"Fox, have you taken your meds today?" She asked anxiously.

"Let me through, I'm asking nicely."

"I can't do that…"

"I'm getting out of here. Right now.."

"No you're not."

" _Yes_ , I am.." Mulder snarled, then without thinking about the consequences of his actions, he grabbed the nurses arm harshly, making her cry out in shock, as he pulled her arm back and threw her out of the way.

Mulder heard her cry in pain but he was too focused on getting out of there he had hardly noticed.

And no, he hadn't taken his fucking meds. _Suck on that…_

"HEY! Security! Security!" She heard her shouting from behind him as he charged through the door and into the hallway.

There were doctors there, all staring at him in shock. He tore past them, tears falling from his eyes that he didn't even notice.

May be he knew deep down he wouldn't be able to get out but he was going try damn hard..

"Just get out of my way!" He shouted to a security guard which had appeared to his left. Mulder carried on walking, faster now as he saw another security guard appear to his right.

He just had to get to the elevator… he just had to get a little further…

"Stop!"

He ignored their demands and took off into a run, sprinting for the elevator.

His heart was raging in his chest with adrenaline as he neared it, his thought only on Scully. He just wanted to see her and make sure everything was ok. He missed her like she was his oxygen.. _he needed her to breathe…_

Mulder could see the elevator opening and he felt his heart lift, just a little further..

But suddenly he was knocked to the side, a heavy weight, weight of a whole man crashing down on him from his left, causing him to fall down to the floor. Mulder cried out in anger and shock as he was overpowered.

He fought against them, his body stronger than they realised, but it was useless.

There were too many of them...

"No! No please! I just… I just wanna see Scully! I JUST WANT TO SEE SCULLY!" He shouted out frantically, the tears falling heavily now and his face scrunched up in emotional pain.

But they were securing him now and he was unable to fight back. He hung his head low as the young nurse appeared, clutching her arm and also a syringe. Mulder lifted his head to see her and met her gaze. He felt a pang of guilt as she looked at him with a mixture of fear and disgust. Mulder saw that she was holding her arm as if she was in pain.

Oh shit, _what had he done?!_

"Please, don't put that in me…" he begged, his paranoia taking over again.

He hadn't taken his meds as he had been worried that they were drugging him on purpose, perhaps they had taken Scully away from him? Perhaps she was in danger?! He could never be too sure..

"I'm sorry." She said blankly, then pressed needle of the sedative into Mulder's upper arm.

Mulder shook his head in defeat as the drug entered his system, the security guards holding him upright. "No…. no…." He moaned as they led him back to his room.

"Scully... where is she! Scully! Scu- Scullaaaaay!" His long drawn out cry erupted from his chest in defeat..

* * *

 **PLEASE REVIEW**


	36. Chapter 36

**CHAPTER THIRTY SIX**

"WHAT THE HELL WENT ON HERE?!"

Scully was shouting at Dr Wellington in disbelief and anger, pushing into her office.

She had heard about what happened and to say she was angry was an understatement. She had been working downstairs and someone had whispered it in passing. She had fucking heard about it from someone else, someone from Mulder's floor who she didn't even recognise…

She had stormed upstairs, dropping everything.

 _She was so upset and mad right now that she didn't even care if she was suspended…_

"Dr Scully, I was just about to call you.."

"You were just about to…?! _Shit!_ Jesus Christ what the hell is going on! I want to see him!" She demanded, exasperated.

"I can't let you do that - you know full well…" Dr Wellington started, but Scully was already shouting over her again.

"Just shut up! Shut up and tell me what happened!" She raged, not wanting to hear the same line again...

 _It had been nearly a month._

No contact at all, just worry, overwhelming worry and hurt. It had been murder.

And she had trusted them to look after him...

She was sure that he was fine, _improving_ they said.

He was finding it difficult, but he was improving..

Scully knew now that that was a lie and it made her feel sick to her stomach.

"He attacked one of the nurses." Dr Wellington said after a pause, clearly taken aback by Dr Scully's swearing and shouting. She had never seen her like this before.

Scully pursed her lips angrily and crossed her arms, looking away from her for a minute and closing her eyes in silent fury and sadness.

"Mulder wouldn't do that." She said in a low voice.

"Well, unfortunately he did, she has a fractured radius-"

"I don't.. I don't believe this.." Scully snapped over her, raising a perfectly manicured hand to her face and covering it, her red hair falling over her eyes. She was sighing deeply, trying to suppress the angry tears that were rising in her chest.

"I'm sorry Dana, I should have let you know that he had taken a turn for the worse. He stopped taking his meds a couple of days ago."

 _...Woah._

Wait.. _what?!_

Scully felt as if a fire had been lit inside her.

Scully lowered the hand in shock, snapping her head to look back at Dr Wellington, daggers in her eyes.

 _She couldn't fucking believe this..._

"What?"

"I'm sorry Dana.." Dr Wellington shrugged.

"You were supposed to be looking after him!" She cried out, "I trusted you god dammit!"

Dr Wellington lowered her head and sighed, shuffling some papers on her desk awkwardly.

"I know, and we are looking into how this happened."

"Oh, _really_." Scully snarled sarcastically, her cheeks flaring.

Dr Wellington shook her head and tried to get out of her way, but Scully stood her ground.

"I want to see him. RIGHT now!" She demanded, pointing her finger down to the floor in defiance.

Her blue eyes were fiery and desperate. She needed to just make sure he was ok. God knows what sedatives and procedures he was under now.

"I can't let you do that. All the progress we have made will be lost."

"Progress?! Are you fucking _kidding me?!"_

"Excuse me Dr Scully, I have a patient to attend to." Dr Wellington said, raising her head and looking down her nose at her, as if she had lost all respect for her now. "It appears that you can't trust another Doctor's opinion when it comes to Fox. Your judgement is clearly clouded and this is exactly what I was trying to address, he depends on you too much.."

"Don't… say another word." Scully raged over her, her body trembling with fury. She cut her off immediately. Taking a deep breath, her decision was now made. "I'm transferring him to Washington, Georgetown Memorial. I want you to prepare his paperwork by the end of the day..

"Dana, please I don't think that's the best.."

"I DON'T WANT TO HEAR ANOTHER WORD! JUST DO IT! And leave the details on my desk...!"

* * *

As she left the office in a rage, she desperately wanted and needed to see him.

She felt as if she couldn't breathe, the worry taking over her.

But as she turned the corner, heading back towards the old ward he had been in, she bumped into a young nurse with her arm in a sling. _She knew immediately that she had been the one..._

Scully felt a hatred in the pit of her stomach as the nurse looked at her with narrowed eyes, clearly knowing who she was as well.

"It was you, wasn't it."

"I'm sorry Dr Scully.. I don't know what you are talking about..." She blushed.

"What did you do to him to make him hurt you? What did you possibly do?!" Scully pressed.

"He wasn't taking his meds and he wanted to get out of the ward, he wanted to see you." She said in a small voice. Dr Scully was a lot higher up than her in the hospital hierarchy. She felt ashamed, but she was sure she had only been doing her job...

Scully sighed. She didn't want to speak to anyone else about this, she just needed to see him.

"Well, he's being transferred tonight." The nurse frowned in confusion but didn't speak. She didn't want to get shouted at again. "Can you at least show me where he is? I want to see him, I just want to be able to see him with my own eyes." Scully rambled, her emotions getting the better of her now as she realised she was almost begging with this woman.

The nurse paused... unsure..

"I- I can show you through the window. But I've been told that no one gets in to see him unless they have clearance. He's… a danger to others."

Scully let out a pissed off laugh of disbelief. Mulder wouldn't hurt anyone unless he was that desperate, scared for his life may be… but then she back tracked on herself as she felt a wave of sadness wash over her as she realised what she had been dreading.

Poor Mulder, may be he was delusional. _May be he thought he was in danger here._

She blinked back angry tears as she felt guilty for letting this happen. But she wasn't going to dwell on the past. Georgetown would be better, their ward looked nicer, from what she had seen on the website. She couldn't wait to get him out of here...

"Yes, please." She barked eventually, her throat tightening with emotion as the nurse led her towards the end of the corridor.

Scully stopped outside a door which read 'Secure area. No entry."

She felt the walls on her heart tighten around it as she almost let out a cry of despair, raising her hand to her mouth again and trying to stop herself from faltering on her feet.

What had she done to poor Mulder… _how could she have let them do this to him?!_

"There." The nurse said quietly, pointing to a small window.

Scully gasped as she caught a glimpse of him from behind. He was strapped down to the bed by his wrists and his ankles. Luckily, he appeared to be asleep. There was no way she could have handled seeing him shouting and screaming.

But the horrific sight was too much for her now and she had to press her hands up against the wall to gather herself, lowering her head and squeezing her eyes shut, trying to block the image from her mind, but she knew that it would haunt her forever.

"I'm sorry Dr Scully.." The nurse said beside her sadly.

* * *

 **PLEASE REVIEW!**

 **Xxxx**


	37. Chapter 37

**CHAPTER THIRTY SEVEN**

Georgetown Memorial General Hospital 

The Next Morning

Mulder woke up in a strange bed, in a strange place.

He didn't recognise this room, it was different from the last one.

 _Where was he now?_

His mouth was dry, and he tried to reach for the glass of water which was on the beside table but he couldn't as he was so heavily sedated. He sighed in frustration as he felt his head banging, he was dehydrated.

He tried to remember what happened.

He couldn't remember much, may be the sound of an ambulance door closing, then some Doctors talking to him, but he couldn't remember what they were saying.

He felt his paranoia consume him again as he wondered if someone had taken him further away from Scully, further away so he couldn't help her. He felt his stomach tighten with worry as he thought of her, he hadn't seen her for so long, too long.

 _And he was scared that he was never going to see her again…_

* * *

She signed a few more forms for his transfer as she stood at the reception desk. She had stayed in a hotel in Washington that night to make it all easier, rather than driving from home. She was actually planning to stay a few more nights, seeing as work had suspended her for a week..

She was angry about it, but she didn't have time to dwell on it. She hadn't had the energy to fight it either last night, only focused on Mulder's transfer.

She smiled a small smile at the receptionist as she handed the forms back. Scully turned back towards the busy corridor, playing with her cross necklace nervously as she pondered over going to see him or not.

 _She wasn't sure it was a good idea. Or if she was ready.._

But she had been torturing herself over the decision all night and she couldn't wait any longer..

* * *

He heard the distant sound of the door opening and his heart skipped a beat nervously. Mulder tried to open his eyes after falling into a nap, but the sedative was too strong once again. He frowned in frustration as he tried to look, but it was useless. His eye lids were too heavy right now...

"Who's there..?" He asked, his voice dry and raspy as he wanted the damn water. "Who are you? Where am I?"

He managed to finally open his eyes, but his vision was blurry. He just saw someone near the door. He wasn't sure if it was a man or a woman. _He couldn't work it out._

"Where is she?" He asked, desperate. "Where's Scully?"

* * *

She froze on the spot, not believing what she was hearing, placing her hand over her mouth in horror.

Tears welled in her eyes and she felt as if someone was cutting her heart out of her chest. _Poor Mulder.._

"Hey! Talk to me dammit! Who are you?!" She heard him shout out, his voice was so weak and tired.

That was too much for her _, unable to stand it any longer..._

She ran towards his bed, grabbing him by the hand, her whole body warming as soon as she laced her fingers through his. She squeezed it tightly and he turned to her with a heavy confused frown, his eyes blinking slowly, and she knew that she was starting to come into focus for him...

"Scu… Scully?" He gasped in amazement. She felt the tears sprout from her eyes as he met her gaze and she almost lost her footing as she remembered how his eyes looked deep into her soul.. _god, she had missed him, she had missed him so much.._

She could hardly speak, so she just placed her other hand on his head, stroking down his messy hair. She felt her lower lip trembling and as she blinked, a tear fell down onto his cheek…

"Scully? Scully babe… am I dreaming? Am I?" He asked in hopeless confusion.

"No. I'm here. I'm here my love." She said, her voice tight with emotion.

Mulder closed his eyes again at her touch and at the reassuring sound of her beautiful voice.

She couldn't resist not kissing him, wanting to pull him into her arms, so she leant down towards him so she was almost lying on top of him, then kissed his forehead, then his nose. She lowered her hand from his hair to his cheek and caressed it softly, wiping away her tear.

Mulder groaned in response, frowning with emotion. She kept her face close to his and rested her forehead against his gently.

"You're ok. You're safe." She soothed, knowing that he was unsure of where he was.

" _Oh my god Scully_. I've missed you so much, where… _where Scully_? Where did you go?!" He asked, clearly in shock.

She bit her bottom lip and tried to fight back the tears for him, she didn't want him to worry.

"I'll tell you everything. I promise." She said tenderly, kissing him on the forehead again.

"Are you ok? Did someone hurt you?"

"No Mulder. I'm fine." She reassured him, squeezing his hand gently. She hated seeing him like this. "Mulder you're in hospital. Georgetown. You don't remember why you're here?" She asked, worry raging inside her. _She didn't realise he was this bad._

"I… I do. I remember." Mulder said after a pause, his brain ticking over. But the scent of her hair and her skin was distracting him. "Mmmmph.. babe… I missed you so much.." He groaned, turning his head so that his face was in her hair.

"I had you transferred from Our Lady's.. they didn't look after you properly. Can you remember what happened?" She asked with concern, trying to ignore him sniffing and kissing her hair, but it was so hard.. _she knew she was going to have to leave him again at some point.._

"I… shit, yeah I remember." He mumbled. "I didn't mean to hurt her Scully, she wouldn't let me see you, I just wanted to see you.."

"I know you didn't mean it Fox, I know." She soothed, looking into his eyes again.

She kept fussing with his hair, then his cheek, tracing a line along his jawline, along his lips..

"Scully, what happened?" He asked, moaning a little as she caressed him, "Why did you just leave me? You never told me why or anything. You just disappeared.. why babe, _why.._?" He asked, her heart tearing apart as he spoke.

His eyes were so distraught and desperate.

She didn't know how to tell him. It was so fucking _difficult…_

"Let me get you some water, then I will tell you everything ok?" She said, needing a breather herself to try and think of the best way to break the heartbreaking news. She placed another kiss on his forehead then reached over to the side and picked up the glass.

Mulder didn't take his eyes off her, he just stared at her beautiful skin, her perfect lips, her fiery red hair, taking her all in..

 _It had been such a long time since he had seen her…_

"Here." She said softly, helping him drink. She glanced at the sedative he was on and she thought it was a little too excessive. She sighed and adjusted it slightly, hopefully making him more alert. She cleared her throat as she sat on the edge of his bed and kept hold of his hand. Scully looked down at his sheets and tried to find the words.

This was going to be the hardest thing she ever had to do...

"Dr Wellington asked me into her office after I came to see you after work that day, the last day I saw you."

Mulder listened intently, of course he remembered that day. He remembered everything about it. _It was the only memory that kept him sane…_

"She wanted to talk to me about your progress and she had a few concerns. She said that she had documented a lot of instances when I had brought on your depression." She said, keeping her voice low.

She tried not to look at Mulder or she would cry again.

"Scully… look at me Scully…" he begged, feeling her emotions as he always did. He knew that she was hurting. He braced himself for what she was about to tell him. She slowly raised her eyes to his and he saw the pain inside them.

He was silent then as he let her continue...

"So, she said that she wanted me to distance myself from you, to see if you could overcome this on your own. She asked me to move my stuff back home and to stop seeing you.."

" _What?_ Scully no… you don't make me depressed. I make myself depressed.." He spoke over her in slight panic, unable to believe what he was hearing.

"Please Mulder, let me speak…" She said firmly, squeezing his hand.

Mulder looked at her in silence, confused and afraid of what was to come next, but he let her carry on. Which she did, after a deep breath…

"I didn't want to do it to you, but I understood her reasoning. I just didn't realise that she was going to cut me off completely. She said if you got really bad that she would let me come and see you, but it turns out she was withholding information from me, such as the fact that you weren't taking your meds…"

Mulder was speechless. What could he say? _What could he fucking say to her?!_

".. and then the incident happened and I heard about it from someone else... Unbelievable, anyway, I was so mad Mulder. So, I got you transferred here, hopefully you should be happier and safer here. And I'm sorry, I'm so sorry that I put my trust in her, I should have gotten a second opinion.."

Mulder frowned with sadness as he tried to process everything.

What was hurting him the most was the fact that she had agreed to it and she wasn't telling him that she had disagreed with Dr Wellingtons advice.

"Scully, you don't make me sick. You make me happy, the happiest I could ever be." He said lovingly, desperately. She was avoiding his gaze again and it made tears spring to his eyes. "Look at me Scully, _please babe_ , I love you, I love you with all my damn heart.."

"Mulder I love you too. More than anything..." Her voice cracked with emotion. She turned back to him, looking into his glistening, soul bearing eyes. She swallowed nervously and felt the tears rise in her throat again. She placed both of her hands on his, holding it tight and stroking it with her thumbs. "But as much as it hurts me to say, I think she was right, at least partly.."

"No…." Mulder shook his head against the pillow, "no, no, no…. no Scully…"

"Yes Mulder, you need to stop depending on me, you need to stop worrying about me, hurting for me, feeling guilty about what has happened to me…" She said firmly but her voice was low, heavy with sadness as she spoke.

The words hurt her just as much as they hurt him, she wanted him to know that.

"How can I do that Scully? How, when you are everything to me. You're the love of my life, my soulmate. I will _always_ be thinking about you, worrying if you're ok, feeling your pain, how… how can you ask me to do this?" He said, aghast, his voice hurried now and frantic, he was terrified that he was losing her, and he noticed that she was crying softly...

"Mulder please… I'm trying to help you, I'm doing this because I love you. I want you to get better.."

"No Scully. This is not what the problem is! My whole life I've been waiting for the colonisation and it didn't happen, I accept that now.. that is what made me depressed!" He cried out, angry and hurt now as she wasn't making sense at all.

"That is part of it, a big part, but I'm a big part of it too." She whispered painfully.

"Dammit Scully! No!" Mulder grunted in frustration as he tried to get up from the damn bed but his body didn't respond. He wanted to hold her in his arms, kiss her, try to make her see sense… but he couldn't. "Fuck!" He raged tearfully as she slowly got up from the bed. He stared at her in shock, unable to believe what just happened..

 _He was going to fucking die without her.._

"Mulder you need to do this for _you_. You need to depend on yourself, focus on yourself... not me..."

"Scully no! Please babe! What the _hell_ are you talking about?!"

"Mulder, this isn't good bye… you're under good care here, you have the best doctors for this type of illness. I'm staying in Washington and I'll stop by tomorrow, I promise… I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, _I love you_.."

Mulder was shaking his head in shock as she was backing away from him as she spoke, her beautiful face leaving him again, breaking his heart into pieces. And with one last look at him, she left the room.. causing him all most to hyperventilate..

"Scully! DAMMIT SCULLY! COME BACK!"

* * *

 **PLEASE REVIEW *crying***


	38. Chapter 38

**CHAPTER THIRTY EIGHT**

The next day, she set off early to see him.

She had hardly slept at all.

 _She felt terrible, so terrible for what had to be done..._

But she had hope that he would get through this. She had hope, that may be after he was recovered they would get back together. She wouldn't cut him off completely, she just _couldn't..._

"Dana Scully to see Fox Mulder?" She said as she arrived at the reception, placing her car keys in the pocket of her leather jacket.

The receptionist smiled at her, a tight smile. May be she was stressed, it was busy.

She checked the records, longer than Scully had expected her to.

Scully pursed her lips and shifted her weight, her heart beating fast as she started to get worried. She frowned a little, unsure of what was taking so long...

"Oh yes, of course. Sorry about that. Just go through."

Scully paused and looked at the receptionist's face, trying to see if she had missed something.. but no, apparently not...

So she smiled a little in thanks and started off down the busy corridor to Mulder's room. She saw his Doctor briefly outside to discuss how he had been over night. The response she got was _"quiet, very quiet."_

Scully felt her chest tighten as she heard that.

She knew what that meant...

She bit her bottom lip anxiously and tucked her red hair behind her ear. Placing her hand on the door handle she took a deep breath and walked in..

* * *

As she saw him, she was relieved and happy to see that he was sitting upright in the bed now and was in conversation with an older female Nurse, her face jolly as she laughed at something Mulder had said. He looked more alert than yesterday, she saw this as a good sign.

Yes, she had a good feeling about Georgetown.

She waited for a second as they spoke, pressing her hands into her jacket pockets, looking at him lovingly.

 _It was going to be hard not to kiss him, not to caress him.._

"Oh look, you have a visitor." The Nurse said cheerily, noticing her first. Scully smiled, her heart racing anxiously as he turned to look at her.

She took a deep breath as she saw that he glanced at her briefly, then turned back to the Nurse.

 _But he didn't show any emotion on his face.._

"Hi." She breathed, unsure of what he was feeling.

Mulder nodded and said his thanks to the Nurse as she left the room, smiling at Scully as she passed her.

She felt like the staff here were a lot better, a lot friendlier.

She felt good about the transfer, it had been the right thing to do...

* * *

Scully waited until she had left the room then started towards Mulder.

He was looking down into his lap, his face surprisingly blank and emotionless, unlike he had appeared to be with the Nurse. She frowned a little with concern, unsure. As she got closer, she saw that he had bags under his eyes..

"Hey." She whispered softly, keeping a safe enough distance as her arms were crying out to hold him.

"Hello." He said blankly, still staring at his lap.

Scully swallowed anxiously.

"How are you?" She pressed, trying again.

"Fine. Better."

She stared at him as he spoke monosyllabically. _Something wasn't right._

"Are you sure? You wanna talk about it?"

She jumped in surprise he scoffed at her words, then shook his head.

"What?" She asked, hurt.

"Are you kidding me?" He snapped in disbelief. "You want to _talk_ , about it?!"

She frowned and found that her body was shaking slightly with nervous dread..

"Yes, I'm your friend, I'm here to help you."

" _Riiiight._." Mulder said sarcastically, "..you're here to help. Well thanks a lot Scully, but I think you have done enough, don't you?"

She flinched at his tone. It made her insides hurt.

" Mulder please… don't be like this.." she begged..

"Scully! What the hell Scully!" He snapped, unable to look at her. "What are you even _doing_ here!?"

"I'm here to see you! I don't want you to get scared again. I didn't want to cut you off completely, not straight away…"

"Oh really." He scoffed again, shaking his head in disbelief. His face was full of thunder. "But you want to cut me off _slowly_ , is that what you're saying?"

She blinked in shock, the pain in her heart was overwhelming. It was making her feel nauseous...

"No… no that's not…." She spluttered, unable to justify herself.

"Just shut up Scully! _Shut up!_ I don't wanna hear it!"

She placed a hand on her stomach as if she had been wounded by his words. She gasped as her body trembled and the tears sprouted from her eyes. Mulder noticed of course, without even looking directly at her..

"Stop fucking crying Scully. God dammit!" He exclaimed angrily.

She was aghast, she couldn't believe it.

 _What had she done?! What had she done!_

Without thinking she rushed up to his bedside, closing the gap between them, but it was a mistake, as he turned on her angrily, his eyes shining with furious tears.

"Don't Scully. Don't even think about coming any closer." He drawled, his voice low and rough.

"Mulder! Mulder please… I know you're angry and upset at me but it's for the best! It's for the best Mulder!" She begged desperately.

"Don't.. just… just SHUT up!" He snapped, reeling away from her.

"I'm not going to let you do this. I can't stand it. Mulder I'm your friend, your best friend. Just because we can't be together right now it doesn't mean we can't still talk to each other, if you need me I'm gonna be here.."

"You should have thought about that before you fucking decided to _leave me_ Scully!" He shouted over her, silencing her immediately.

He frowned, her voice was annoying him, giving him a headache..

She whimpered in despair, trying to find a way to stop this horror that was unfolding, and he didn't stop..

"I can't be just your friend right now Scully. I can't believe you are even suggest-" He trembled, then paused, taking a shallow breath, "-just please, leave me alone! I'm going to focus on getting better, getting out of here. You said it yourself, I need to stop thinking about you, and the only way to do that is to shut you out of my life, this is what you wanted, right? YOU FUCKING WANTED THIS DIDN'T YOU?!"

"Mulder please no! _Please_ Mulder!" She cried, the tears running down her cheeks and into her mouth. She must have looked like a total mess, but she couldn't care less..

"GET OUT SCULLY!" He raged, not giving her another chance.

She stared at him in shock, eyes wide open.

"No…. no…" She gasped, shaking her head.

He ran a hand through his hair feeling the stress of the situation then pressed his fingers to his temples, pursing his lips with anger. She could feel it seething from his body.

She stood her ground, hoping he would come to his senses…

"GOD DAMMIT SCULLY _GET_ … _OUT_...!"

She took a step back as he exploded with fury. She had never heard him so mad or upset in his life...

So she had no choice but to turn and bolt from the room, her whole life crashing around her as she knew now that it was over.

It was over. She had lost him, the love of her life….

* * *

 **PLEASE REVIEW!**


	39. Chapter 39

**CHAPTER THIRTY NINE**

Seven months later   
Hotel in Downtown Washington D.C.

Saturday 7.07am

She was just about ready to set off to the Unremarkable house. She was collecting the last of her things.

Scully had stayed it out as best as she could, but she knew Mulder was coming home later today and so she wanted to get her things out of the house before he arrived.

She had decided to move out, _feeling it was for the best…_

The past seven months had been the hardest of her life. The heart break had consumed her, she had been close to break down at one point, the guilt of the break up falling on her shoulders, as she saw it. She had tortured herself, wondering if she should have stuck by him.

 _It still haunted her now…_

She hadn't been to see him since that day.

Well no, she had _tried_ to see him various times, going to the hospital to check on him… but he had refused to see her every time...

So, she had called the hospital regularly to try and find out if he was ok. With her Doctor privileges she had managed to get information she needed, just so she could get some sleep at night…

 _Dana Scully carried on with her life as best as she could._

She visited her Mom more and stayed in a hotel during the week, checking on the house at the weekend. She couldn't stay in the house for long before the sadness would take over her, missing him terribly.

She had changed all the sheets, tidied all his clothes away and made it all presentable again. It had kind of fallen apart recently, with all the chaos. She wanted Mulder to have an organised house to come home to.

 _She kept herself busy at work._

She didn't speak to Dr Wellington at all anymore, unable to forgive her…

Scully just had to get on with it. She loved her job and she was good at it. She wasn't going to let this harm her career, and her superiors agreed that they were sorry, they probably reacted too harshly...

She heard her heels clipping along the tarmac as she walked into the hotel parking lot, dragging her empty suitcase behind her. As she opened her car, pressing the auto release with her keys, she threw the suitcase into the boot.

She caught sight of herself in the car window, feeling slightly nostalgic. She had cut her hair, it was a lot shorter. _The bob was back,_ but a more modern version of course. She had needed a drastic change, but she was still getting used to it again, so it took her by surprise every now and then when she saw herself...

She was dressed smartly in a grey pencil skirt and blue blouse, with jacket. Probably not the best attire for the lengthy drive and packing…

But she had a meeting later that day and she wanted to look presentable for it...

* * *

The Unremarkable House, Rural West Virginia - 11.00am  


Mulder climbed out of the rental car he had hired to get home and stared up at his house as the clouds rumbled over the roof, grey and heavy.

He couldn't even start to explain what it felt like to be home, he was so relieved…

But of course, one vital part was missing… _her._

He sighed heavily as he realised he didn't even know where she was right now.

 _When had that happened last?_ He couldn't even remember. They had been stuck together like glue for the past 20 or so years... and now?

Her car wasn't here, that was a given.

Flashbacks of their life together in this house suddenly came flooding back as he slowly walked up the steps to the terrace. He sighed, his mind running away with him. May be she was here?

He doubted it very much… _'don't get your hopes up Mulder, you schmuck'._. he told himself..

So he continued to ascend the steps holding his bag, then unlocked the door for the first time in months.

* * *

Mulder held his breath as she stepped inside. He blinked, staring at the open plan living room.

It looked so different.

 _Things had been moved?_

No, it was clean, really clean and tidy..

She must have cleaned the place up when he was in the hospital. It gave him a small glimmer of hope at first as he thought may be, _just may be_ she had stayed..

Mulder walked inside and over to the kitchen and opened the refrigerator to see if there was any food inside. Sure enough, there were some eggs, milk and that awful light, so called 'healthy' spread that she ate…

Mulder leaned against the door and took a low breath, feeling his stomach tightening anxiously as he stared at it, clear evidence that she had been here. It wasn't a lot, but it was something..

 _So she had been here, recently._

His heart ached as he thought of the possibility of seeing her again.

Mulder sighed, trying not to get too hopeful as he would torture himself. He shifted his weight off the door and closed it. Getting his meds out of his pocket he ran some water, taking them in a large swig.

As he made his way into the bedroom he blinked in shock as he saw it was also spotless.

The covers were perfectly straight, there was no mess at all.

But what made his heart start to race in panic was the fact that her dresser was totally empty. She had cleared it all out.

 _She had left him…_

As his world started to crash down, he noticed one small bottle of perfume on the side.

Mulder swallowed heavy emotion down as he walked towards it and stared at the bottle. He lifted it in his fingers and just stared at it, motionless. He wanted to smell it so badly, but he was hesitant as he knew it would fucking kill him if he did. He placed his bag down by his side and with trembling fingers, he screwed the top off, then got ready to press the top to release the scent of her… but then he was knocked out of his trance as he heard the distant sound tyres outside.

Someone was here, coming up the drive…

* * *

 **PLEASE REVIEW**


	40. Chapter 40

**CHAPTER FORTY**

She slammed on the brakes, staring at the car in front of her.

 _Shit.._

He was already here… _how was he already here!?_

Scully slammed the car into reverse, her heart racing at a hundred miles an hour as she felt the panic take over her. She wasn't thinking straight as she started to backpedal, looking over her shoulder as she tried not to crash into anything..

"Scully?"

She stopped, his shout hitting her like a punch in the stomach. _How the hell had he shouted over the sound of the engine!?_

But then she froze, remembering that her window was open. She slammed the brakes on again and put the car into park...

He was standing right next to her car, she could tell. She could _feel_ him there.

Taking a few breaths to try and calm herself, she slowly turned to face him...

* * *

Mulder was staring at her, his heart pounding against his rib cage as she stopped the car.

He couldn't believe that she had wanted to bolt when seeing that he was here...

But he wasn't going to dwell on it, she was here. _She was right in front of him._

What surprised him the most was that her hair was similar to how she used to wear it when they had been younger. The memories that brought up were heart wrenching, and he tried to concentrate on keeping his mind off her beautiful pink lips and _blue eyes…_

"Hi." She said simply, looking at him through the open window.

Mulder felt his mouth go dry as her eyes met his.

"Hi.." He mumbled. "Were you just trying to drive away?"

Scully opened her eyes wider in shock at his sentence.

"Erm… no." She said, trying to remain cool. She opened the car door and stepped out, but kept her distance from him. "No, not at all." She lied.

Mulder pursed his lips together and smirked slightly. _He knew she was lying._

"What are you doing here?" He asked cautiously, unsure that he could control anything that came out of his mouth right now..

"I came to collect a few things. I'm sorry Mulder, I thought you would be back later today." She said, her voice wavering slightly.

"Oh.." He sighed.

 _His heart was racing so fast he was getting lightheaded._

"You look well. You look... really well in fact." She said, a small smile growing on her lips as she studied his face and his body. Mulder turned his head to the side slightly as she blatantly ran her eyes down him.

But he had to admit he didn't mind at all…

"Thank you." He said lightly. "You cut your hair."

She raised a hand to it in surprise, remembering again.

"Yeah…"

" _It looks nice_."

She nodded, trying to ignore the emotion which was clearly laced in his voice. She licked her lips nervously as there was an awkward silence between them.

Finally, she broke it by going around to the boot to remove the suitcase.

Mulder watched her, his heart full of sadness as he saw her get the suitcase out of the car.

He was sure now then, that it was over.

 _She was leaving him, or had already left, he wasn't sure..._

He didn't know what to say…

"Mulder you look so much better. It's so good to see you healthy again." She said as they walked up the steps together.

Mulder nodded silently.

She went ahead of him and upstairs to the spare bedroom. Mulder placed his hand on the banister and looked up after her, trying to control his urges as he watched her perfectly toned legs ascend the steps, then he raised his eyes up to her rounded butt, shaped under her sexy pencil skirt…

 _Jeeeesus Christ…_

He closed his eyes and tried to concentrate, squeezing the banister tighter in his hands and pursing some air from his lips...

He knew that she would be busy packing, so he tore himself away from it all and made a hopeless attempt of making them both a coffee.

It was the only thing he could think to do.

His heart was screaming at him to go upstairs and tell her to stop and to stay with him. But his head was telling him not to.

 _She had hurt him deeply after all...  
_

He cursed under his breath, annoyed suddenly that she had come here.

 _Had she done this on fucking purpose or what?_

He wasn't sure whether to believe her words about trying to get here before he got back.

Mulder took another deep breath as he poured the coffee into the cups. He stirred a sugar into his and drank it quickly. It was too hot, but he didn't care. He could hardly feel it…

* * *

She was still moving around upstairs, he could hear her feet against the wooden floorboards. It was driving him crazy, so he stormed into his office quickly. And _surprise, surprise,_ she had tidied that as well.

He tried to remain calm, he knew that he should be thankful for her efforts. He climbed into his desk chair and opened up his laptop, not really knowing what he was going to do on it, he just needed to occupy his mind with something else apart from her upstairs.

He groaned in frustration and opened up his emails. But his vision was blurry as he tried to read them, not taking in any information at all…

"Mulder?"

He jumped and swerved around in his chair. She stood in the doorway.

 _What the hell? She was just upstairs.._

"Oh.. hey.." He said breathlessly, trying to remain cool he grabbed a pencil and twirled it in his fingers.

"Is that coffee for me?" She asked lightly, motioning back towards the kitchen.

"Oh erm.. yeh.." He said, frowning as he realized he had forgotten all about it...

* * *

She looked at him with concern. He seemed so nervous...

 _So this is what it was going to be like now._

She knew that she had no right to be in the house, and she was going to leave now.

"Well don't worry about the coffee, I'm going to go now." She said, her heart aching painfully. "Thank you but I need to get going."

She blinked back tears which were rising to her eyes.

This was awful, _so awful._

Scully licked her lips nervously again and pulled the handle up from the suitcase, then rolled it along her side, leaving his office. As she turned away from him she felt the tears careen down her cheeks and she was holding back racking sobs. She lifted her eyes to the heavens in an effort to gain some fucking strength, but it was useless.

"WAIT."

She gasped, hearing his voice behind her, firm and demanding, then she felt his hand on her elbow.

Mulder was spinning her around and she was unable to get away...

* * *

"Is this it, Scully? Is this.. _it_?"

"Mulder, I don't know what to say…"

"Say _something_ Scully, _anything_ …"

"What do you want me to say Mulder? That we're gonna be ok? That we can pretend that nothing happened? It's been seven months…"

"I know. Seven months. Seven fucking long months…"

She shrugged and lowered her head, staring at her feet.

"Did you do this on purpose Scully? Coming here today? Did you do this to torture me or something? I mean _what the hell_ …!"

"No Mulder! No…" She cried out, her face grimacing as if she was in pain as she looked at his tortured face. "I swear to god I didn't know you were going to be here this early. I wanted you to come home and not have to deal with any of my things, to not have to deal with this… _this_ Mulder..

"You can't just do that Scully. You can't just remove yourself from my life without telling me or giving me an option for Christ's sake…"

"What option Mulder? I tried to come and see you in the Hospital but you didn't want to see me.. which is ok, I get it, I understand…"

"Dammit Scully I was angry!" He blurted out. He couldn't believe her.. "I was so angry and I was trying to get better. If you weren't going to stay with me then I needed to just try and forget about you, which I did. But now I'm better, I _am_ better Scully."

"Good. You don't know how happy that makes me." She said, her voice loaded with emotion.

Mulder stared at her in silence, his heart melting. _Her tone was genuine._

There was a silence between them as they stared at each other. Mulder felt a pain in his chest as he saw her tears on her cheeks.

But... it was _useless._

"So that's it. It's over." He said, his voice low and heart breaking.

Scully couldn't find the words. _She was too upset to speak._

She tore her eyes away from his and tried to stop herself from crying.

Yes, it was.

 _It was over..._

"I gotta go. Look after yourself Mulder." She managed feebly.

And with that, with all her strength she walked past him and towards the front door, picking her key out of her pocket and placing it on the hook with a shaking hand before leaving, closing the door behind her.

* * *

Mulder watched after her, as soon as she had her back to him his tears were also falling, uncontrollably.

As she placed the key on the hook he felt part of him die inside.

It was over.

* * *

 **PLEASE REVIEW!**

 **It's not finished yet, I promise you I would go up to Season 10!**


	41. Chapter 41

**CHAPTER FORTY ONE**

Washington D.C. September 2014

Dana Scully was trying to appear interested but it wasn't happening.

He was being ever so sweet and polite, the restaurant was busy and lots of people were on lunch dates, enjoying the sunny afternoon. She shifted her weight in the seat and crossed her legs, then circled her ankle, her silver stiletto heeled sandals a little tight. She flattened her blue silk dress down and felt a little uncomfortable. Pulling the thin strap further up her shoulder, she looked around again at the other people, all in their own little conversations.

This place was fancy and she had made a big effort, but she knew it was for nothing as she could tell already there was no way this relationship was going to work..

He was talking about his job, something to do with the radio station he was a technician for.

She smiled politely and lifted the wine glass to her lips, taking a small sip then leaving a red lipstick stain where she had placed her mouth. She examined it as she twirled it in her fingers...

"It's really interesting, the way that these radio stations get their figures, you know?"

She blinked as he waited for her response. _That was a question..?_

"Oh…" She started, "yeah."

"So what about you? What do you do?"

She paused, wondering if she was going to bother getting into the details. She knew this was dead in the water anyway, but she guessed she had to make an effort.

"I'm a Doctor."

He grinned widely, clearly impressed.

"Wow, that's awesome, and hot."

She laughed a little as his handsome face grew eager.

"It's not that hot.. I can assure you.."

"It is. You're the hottest Doctor I've ever come across.."

She bit her bottom lip at his line, looking down at the table and blushing slightly.

 _He was obviously a lot more interested in her than she was in him…_

"I guess that's a compliment."

"I'm sorry, you're just, so beautiful. I'm a little nervous.." He laughed awkwardly.

She smiled at him kindly.

"You're very sweet."

 _But not sweet enough._

"Thank you, Doc." He winked.

She froze suddenly at his words.

 _Doc._

There was only one person who had called her that.

That person was of course _Mulder_.

She blinked a couple of times as she felt her heart twinge with sadness as she remembered the way he used to say it. She heard his voice in her ears, as she did so often when something reminded her of him.

It had been just under year since she had left him in the house, alone.

This was the first date she had managed to gain enough strength to go on since their break up.

She had been so broken hearted for so long, but she was finally over it.

She felt ready to start again, to meet someone else may be, though she knew that no one could ever replace him.. _ever.._

"What's the matter? Did I say something wrong?"

Her thoughts of Mulder faded fast and she realised that she must have been looking distracted as he was staring at her, his face a little nervous..

"Oh… no. I'm sorry, you were saying?" She brushed it off, focusing on him again...

* * *

Their main courses arrived, then dessert. The food was delicious, world class. The restaurant held two Michelin stars, that was how fancy this place was.

Hence the dress and the heels, and the hair..

She had grown it again and it was just over shoulder length. She had curled it before she came out and it shaped her face perfectly. In an attempt to look a little more fancy, she had clipped it up a little at the side, a few wavy curls hung loose. She thought she looked pretty sexy, but now she just wanted to go back to her apartment and take it all off again, comb it out..

 _She just wasn't feeling it._

He was standing up after paying the bill, his tailored suit accentuating his good body. He was very good looking. But she just didn't feel any excitement, no butterflies.

He reached out his hand for her to take, which she did, out of politeness. She smiled a thin tight smile as she stood up and he led her to the door.

He was talking to her but she wasn't really listening..

"Can I walk you home?" He asked, his green eyes looking into hers.

"No, really. I'm ok." She said gratefully as he opened the door for her and walked her outside into the fresh air.

It was a beautiful afternoon, still warm from the hot September day. The sky was a brilliant blue and people wore shorts, shirts and strappy tops, flip flops, sandals, you name it.

She was glad that she had agreed to a lunch date as she could enjoy the rest of the day now.

May be she could go for a jog or something…

As she turned to face him, she saw he was smiling at her.

"I really enjoyed myself. Are you sure you don't want me to walk you?"

She smiled back, flattered by his interest.

"No really, it's ok."

"All right… well…" he started, then to her surprise he was getting closer for a kiss. She smiled a little, letting him.

She was going to disappoint him by not agreeing to another date anyway… it was the least she could do..

He placed a hand on her side very gently and then pulled her towards him, then placed a soft kiss on her lips.

It was all very _innocent and polite..._ again, she felt nothing.

"God you're so beautiful. I hope to see you again." He gasped as he pulled away and smiled at her, seemingly taken by her beauty.

But the kiss had made her long for something more, _like she used to have with Mulder…._

She felt her heart tighten as she remembered how he used to kiss her. It was indescribable the feeling that it gave her, so passionate, total and utter love.

 _True love._

She sighed a little, knowing that she would never experience that again. May be this date was a bad idea. All she could do was compare him to Mulder, which was unfair...

"Thank you Toby, and I'll call you."

 _She wasn't going to call him, but he didn't need to know that._

* * *

Finally, he left, walking up the street then turning into the next block.

She watched him leave, her dress blowing slightly in the breeze. Scully tucked a piece of red hair behind her ear and stood on the sidewalk, watching the world go by. People pushed past her, some on the way back to work after lunch, some Mothers with kids doing the school run, some just having a day off like her, shopping. She stood out because of her attire, seeing as it was late afternoon.

She took a deep breath and then decided she should get going if she wanted to get a jog done. Turning around she walked towards the direction of her fully serviced high rise apartment, merging in with the flow of traffic of people as they walked along with her. She looked down at her shoes as they shined in the sunlight, she smiled a little to herself, amused by the great effort she had made.

Oh well, it was a reason to get dressed up for once…

She walked across the busy street, her small handbag by her side. People didn't even seem to notice she was dressed to the nines, though she felt a little silly herself.

It was about a twenty minute walk back to her apartment and because it was such a nice day she was glad to walk it. She thought about Toby again briefly, she felt a little bad for him. She was sure that he would find someone..

"Woah! Uh, I'm sorry I…."

Scully frowned in shock and annoyance as a man had just walked into her. She had been looking over at the shop across the road, noticing a nice dress in the window and then she had been hit hard in the chest as she crashed into the firm body.

She exclaimed in slight pain and raised a hand to her ribs, her body aching from the blow. This man was tall and clearly well built, seeing as he had caused such an impact..

"Scully?!"

She frowned in confusion as the man said her name, and she was raising her eyes running them up his body.

She froze, her heart literally dropping to her feet as she knew immediately who it was.

No one else called her Scully.

But it couldn't be…

 _There was no way.._

"I'm sorry, I should have been concentrat.." He spoke again, pulling off his sunglasses, then stopped as he seemed to lose his voice for a second.

She almost melted, his voice breathing life into her body like oxygen.

She opened her eyes wider in shock as she saw the familiar line of his shoulders, then his jawline, _his god damn perfect jawline_ and his lips, those lips she had kissed a thousand times….

"- Holy shit.." He finished as she finally met his gaze. "You look _stunning_.." He gasped, "absolutely stunning."

She was fixated, unable to look away from his eyes. It was almost as if he could control her with them.

She opened her mouth to speak but nothing came out.

What was he doing here? _Was this a dream?_

"Are you ok? I bashed into you pretty hard there." He said cautiously, noticing her hand on her rib with slight concern. "It's my fault, like I said. I should have been concentrating.."

"Wha… _what_?" She breathed finally in shock.

"It's good to see you too." He chuckled, pressing his hands into his jean pockets.

She studied him.

He looked so handsome.

 _He looked better than she remembered._

He looked effortlessly hot, in casual jeans and a grey Ralph Lauren polo shirt. His hair was well kept and his face was shaven.

Her heart was now racing uncontrollably.

"I… what… what are you doing here?!" She barked.

"Meeting someone, later." He said casually with a small shrug.

Scully wanted to question him further but she knew she didn't have the right to.

"Oh."

"What are you doing all dressed up at this time of day, you been on a date?" He asked casually, but Scully could hear a hint of tension in his voice and he bit his bottom lip, something he did when he was anxious.

She smiled a little then and opened her arms out to her sides in defeat.

"You got me." She grinned. Mulder smiled back politely, but she imagined that his feelings were complicated. Her own mind was running away with her as she worried that may be he was going on a date too, or may be he had a girlfriend here in Washington..

"So where's the lucky guy?" Mulder asked with a smirk, looking around her.

"He's gone."

"Home? Work?" Mulder pressed.

Scully looked up at him and then crossed her arms, feeling excitement and playfulness.

"Wouldn't you like to know.." She teased, smirking back at him.

"Oh I would." He said, his voice loaded with hidden meanings, his gaze serious.

 _Suddenly she felt herself get very hot._

She let out a long, anxious breath as the tension raged between them..

"It's so great to see you." She said finally, changing the subject. "You look really well."

"Thank you. It's wonderful to see you too, really." He said sincerely,

There was a silence between them as they studied each other. Scully just couldn't believe that this was happening..

"Walk with me?" She asked lightly, not wanting to lose him just yet.

Mulder titled his head to the side and smiled as he gazed at her.

"Sure, where do you wanna go?"

* * *

 **PLEASE REVIEWWWW XX**


	42. Chapter 42

**CHAPTER FORTY TWO**

Mulder could hardly breathe.

 _She looked so fucking hot, so amazingly beautiful…_

He tried not to make it obvious that he was looking at her body in that dress. But he couldn't help it. He let her walk slightly in front of him so that he could watch her curves against the satin as she walked, her perfectly rounded ass pushing outwards from the material...

 _He took a sharp intake of breath as he could just about make out the outline of her panties…_

"Do you want to get a coffee?" She asked perfectly innocently, her voice making him sweat nervously.

How long had it been? _Nearly a year?_

"Yeah.." He croaked, his mouth dry. He licked his lips nervously and forced himself to look away from her bare back. He could see her muscles, her shoulder blades.

God he wanted to touch her so badly, _to kiss her…_

"Where do you wanna go?"

Mulder blinked, clearing his throat.

"Erm… nearest place." He said quickly, already spotting a bar up the street. _He needed a fucking drink_. "I'm gonna get a beer. It's a nice day." Was his lame excuse.

She turned to him and he held his breath as her blue eyes bore into his once again.

She was stunning, _the most beautiful creature he had ever seen._

And he had missed her so much. What were the odds of bumping into each other like this!?

"A beer? Ok…" She asked, slightly unsure. Mulder didn't want to question it though. He groaned a little to himself as she turned back, her wavy red hair bouncing in the breeze and as she moved. He smelt her perfume and the familiar and comforting smell of her shampoo.

Jesus Christ, he loved it, he loved everything about her.

 _She was intoxicating._

Instinctively, he wanted to place his hand on her lower back. He couldn't resist it.

So he did, his heart racing as he touched her bare flesh for the first time in months, then led her into the bar and to the quietest, furthest table he could see… he didn't want to be near other people.

He just wanted to be with _her.._

* * *

Scully gasped a little when Mulder placed his hand on her lower back.

 _It felt so good._

Her heart was pounding as he swiftly led her into the bar and past the busy tables. The lighting was low at the back. She got excited when she realised that he was probably trying to take her out of the way of everyone else so that he could have some alone time with her…

Scully swallowed nervously as he pulled out the chair for her to sit down, _always the gentleman…_

"Do you want a glass of wine? A soda?" He asked, his voice hurried.

Scully felt her heart ache for him. He was so nervous…

"Um, a wine." She said with a reassuring smile.

Mulder nodded and quickly went to the bar. She watched him as he ordered, his body so strong and toned still.

God that man got better looking with age, if possible..

He was obviously still taking good care of himself, which made her smile. She was glad that he was ok without her, as painful as that was to accept...

She ran a hand through her hair and tried to smarten herself up a little while she had the chance. _Did she look ok?_ She quickly grabbed her handbag and got out her pocket mirror.

He was back too soon, a bottle of beer and a small glass of red wine in his hands. Scully blushed and snapped the mirror shut, smiling at him a little.

"You don't need to do that." Mulder said, his voice low and husky. "You look perfect, absolutely beautiful."

Scully felt her stomach flip as he said that, his eyes firmly on her. He sat down next to her and handed her the wine, still not taking his eyes off her.

She watched as he raised the bottle to his lips and drank quickly, surprising her as he nearly downed half the bottle in one gulp…

"So, how are you?" She asked, trying to calm him down and close the silence.

Mulder slammed the beer bottle down on the table a little louder than he had planned…

"Oh, you know. Same old me." He said breathlessly.

"I know I already said, but you look great." She smiled, running her eyes over him again and feeling her pulse quicken.

"Yeah you already said." He chuckled, taking another swig from the bottle.

She blushed a little. _Why was this so difficult!?_

"Are you still at the house?" She asked, already knowing the answer.

"Yeah. It's the same." He said, his foot tapping nervously as he tried not to look at her cleavage. _Her perfect breasts were pushed together and were peeking out of her plunge neck line._ He rubbed a hand over his face in frustration. "It's hot in here…" He groaned.

"You wanna go outside?" She asked, a small smile curling up the side of her lips as she had just blatantly seen him staring at her breasts…

"No. No I'm ok. So, tell me everything about what you're doing." He said, finally relaxing a little and training his eyes to remain up…

"Well..." She sighed, "I'm still at the hospital. Still working a lot…" She laughed a little, "..no changes there."

"Well, you're good at your job. They would be crazy to give you up."

"Thanks…" She said, blushing a little.

Mulder took another swig from his bottle.

If she fucking blushed again… he swore that would have to kiss her… _she looked so sexy…_

"Where are you living now?"

"I have an apartment here in the city. It's a new build, high rise." She said, her eyes focusing on his again.

God, she could get lost in them. She was helpless...

"Fancy apartment huh?" He said, smirking a little. "I should have guessed."

"Yeah, really fancy. Fully serviced." She grinned, raising the glass of wine to her lips and taking a sip.

Mulder held his breath as he saw her drink the wine, her lipstick staining the glass.

 _He wanted to kiss those lips so desperately..._

"Sounds… nice. I guess." He mused.

He felt his heart ache a little as he worried if she had even been happy at the unremarkable house. _Was this what she had wanted all along?_

"Sounds like you are happy then.." He said, his face turning a little serious..

* * *

Scully looked at him, his face dropped slightly.

She sensed the sadness in his voice.

She paused, her own heart hurting. She wanted to hold his hand, to touch him. But she wasn't sure if it was the right thing to do...

"I've missed you." She heard herself whisper, before she could actually think about what she was saying.

And then she was reaching across the table and placing her hand over his...

* * *

Mulder gasped as she touched him. _Holy shit._

He swallowed nervously, her beautiful eyes bearing into his. He wanted to pull her across the table and kiss her, his heart was almost in his throat as he looked at her lips, her sweet red lips so damn _kissable…_

"I missed you too." He hissed, unable to control himself much longer.

And then she was caressing his hand with her thumb, and he felt the arousal take over and then he was hardening against his jeans.

He groaned involuntarily at her touch, not being able to hide it anymore.

He _wanted_ her.

"Scully… I want to kiss you…" He panted.

* * *

She felt her stomach tighten with desire as he told her he wanted to kiss her.

His stare was so intense, so strong.

 _There was no way she could resist him..._

She saw the top of his chest hair peeking out of his polo shirt and she involuntarily pushed her other hand between her legs and applied some pressure under the table, opening her mouth wider with a low moan as she tried to control herself...

"You think that's a good idea?" She asked, her voice husky...

But it was already decided, and he was grabbing her arm and pulling her out of the seat she was in.

Mulder stood up at the same time and wrapped his free hand around her lower back, pulling her towards his groin and his body. Mulder groaned in her ear as their bodies came together, _it had been such a long time..._

"Oh god..." He said in a muffled voice.

And then he bent down to kiss her, firmly and passionately, his tongue exploring hers, sucking and kissing, nibbling the side of her lips. He groaned as he tasted her again after _so long…_

"Mmmulder.." She moaned against his lips after the first dizzying kiss.

He felt himself get even harder at that and pecked her on the cheek, then her forehead. He was getting light headed and excited from her scent. As he pulled her even closer he massaged circles on her lower back, enjoying her gasps and sighs of pleasure.

Scully blinked, trying to remain focused as he started to nuzzle her neck, then he came back to her lips... he kissed her fiercely now, his hand which had been holding her arm now moving down the side of her, against the satin dress..

"Come on…" She breathed, pulling away momentarily to try and get some air. But he wouldn't let her get away for long, and he kept her close, their foreheads pressed together, "…let's get out of here…."

* * *

 **PLEASE REVIEWWWWWWW**


	43. Chapter 43

**CHAPTER FORTY THREE**

 ** _\- this chapter is recommended for over 18s only, you have been warned -_ **

* * *

She managed to grab his hand and pull him towards the exit, her heart racing so fast that she thought she might faint.

He squeezed her hand tight in response and she felt the wetness between her legs, that kiss had been unbelievable.

They quickly made themselves outside into the street and Scully was already hailing a taxi while Mulder tried to hide his manhood, which made her laugh a little. She felt such a warmth and excitement in her heart as she watched him staring at her desperately as she ran into the street, waving her arms.

"Taxi! Taxi!" She cried out, then giggled a little in relief as one pulled up straight away.

She ran towards it and clambered for the door, swinging it open and climbing in the back. As soon as Mulder was climbing in behind her, he was already grabbing at her again and then he was kissing her neck and running his hands up her thighs under her dress, making her groan and her mouth opening wide in arousal…

She managed to mutter the address of her apartment to the driver, it was only a five minute taxi ride, if that.

She pulled Mulder closer to her as his hands ran up to her belly and moved slow circles along her dress, making her even wetter. She gasped and reached her hands up to his face and cupped it, their eyes meeting again and then she kissed him with so much love and passion...

" _Mulder_ …" She said breathlessly, longingly as they finally broke away for air.

"That'll be ten dollars…"

But she was already throwing out the money towards the driver blindly as Mulder was kissing her again and then they were climbing out of the taxi, limbs entwined. Mulder moaned as they stood upright again on the street and he hugged her against his arousal, desperately wanting her, _needing her…_

"Come on.." She breathed again, urgently in his ear. He whimpered a little as she had to pull away again, they had to get inside..

* * *

She pulled him close and wrapped her arm around his waist as they walked into the busy lobby together.

 _She would have been interested to know what Mulder thought of her fancy new digs if he hadn't been nibbling on her earlobe.._

They reached the elevator and stood still for a moment, both nearly shaking with desire as they tried to appear normal. Scully bit her bottom lip as she felt Mulder pull her even closer, her heart was still racing so fast..

The elevator eventually stopped and the doors opened and people filled out of it. Then they walked in and again tried to appear normal as they waited for anyone else to come in and Scully reached out and pushed the button for her floor.

But they didn't… _they had the elevator to themselves…_

* * *

As soon as the door started to close and Mulder knew they were on their own, he turned towards her and pushed her against the wall gently.

"Thank _fuck_ …" He breathed against her lips with a wide grin, and she giggled in response, _the most beautiful sound he could ever hear…_ and then he covered her mouth with his, kissing her hard again and exploring her, playing with her tongue and running his hands up and down her sides, then he laced his fingers through hers, grabbing her hands and placing them against the wall by her head.

 _That satin dress was such a turn on..._

"Mmmmulder!" She moaned again.

 _He loved it when she did that..._

"Oh babe… how I missed you…" He said into her ear as he gasped for air, then kissed her neck again.

"I… I missed you too..." She whimpered, frowning with emotion as his mouth felt so good against her neck, she was almost shuddering with pleasure already...

* * *

The elevator came to a stop and they were forced to pull away from each other again. Scully gasped and adjusted her dress, the straps were falling down.

She bit her lip again and groaned internally as he pressed his hand against her lower back again and led her out, passing people in the corridor.

She was already getting her key out of her bag, her stomach was tightening with pure excitement and arousal as she unlocked the door, Mulder following behind her like a puppy dog, ready to do anything for her…

She quickly placed the key back in her handbag and then threw it into the carpeted hallway as Mulder pushed her in quickly and locked the door, kicking off his shoes as he did..

She gasped as he stared at her for a moment, his eyes so intense, full of passion and longing as he backed up against the door, breathing heavily...

And then they crashed together again and Scully cried out as he lifted her into his arms, then kissed her again. She felt a ripple of pure excitement run through her body as he proceeded to push her up against the wall, keeping his arms wrapped around her body so he sheltered her from any impact.

 _He was balancing her against the wall of her hallway and holding her against it so she couldn't get free..._

"Oh god..!" She exclaimed, and then he was pulling down her straps on her dress, and she was pushing her hands under his polo shirt, desperately trying to pull it off. Mulder grinned widely and helped her pull his shirt over his head and she proceeded to pull down her dress so that she was now in her black strapless bra in front of him.

He stared at her breasts with desire and she gasped as he started to unbuckle his belt at the same time, and then he was pulling down his jeans and then his boxers.

 _Scully's eyes opened wide as she saw how hard he was._

"Jesus _Christ_ … what are you doing to me…" He winced against her lips then reached down to her panties and pulled them off quickly, desperately.

"Hurry Mulder!" She cried out, unable to stand it any longer.

He grunted and took her cue, letting her dress fall all the way down now to the floor in a soft blue heap. Scully gasped as he lifted her up against the wall higher, supporting her weight with ease and then he was kissing her again, fiercely. She closed her eyes and ran her hands up and down his back, feeling his strong muscles and his shoulders, clutching onto him as he finally pushed inside her, making her scream already…

* * *

He almost saw stars as he entered her, _it had been so long._

And he was already so excited as he felt how ready she was for him, it was so easy.

It was like they belonged together, their bodies _made for each other.._

He picked up the pace slightly, his brow creased in concentration. But he wanted her breasts so badly and they were still in the bra, so he reached around with one hand as he kept supporting her body against the wall with his groin and pulled the cups down to her waist...

"Oh _god_.." He moaned when he saw them, finally.

"Oh god Mulder!" She cried out in response, her voice so beautiful and sexy. _He loved making her scream like this._

He teased her a little by going a little slower, making her moan. Then he buried his face in her breasts, kissing and sucking on her soft skin...

"Jesus! Holy shit!" She screamed as he relished her.

 _He wouldn't stop, not for anything…_

* * *

She arched her back as he took control of her body, feeling weightless against the wall. She was so close already, she could feel it.

It wouldn't be long…

"Mulder!" She gasped, "I'm gonna… I'm gonna… Ohh!"

He smiled a little and raised his head up from her breasts to look at her as she peaked, her beautiful face crumbling and then she was crying out, saying something incoherent as her whole body spasmed and shook against his, over and over. He groaned in ecstacy as she tightened around him as she came.

"Yess babe.. fuck.. yessss Scully…" He rasped, not stopping.

He kept going, pushing even deeper into her as she wailed and cried out into his ear…

* * *

 _Scully couldn't believe his intensity._

He wasn't stopping and she was still coming down from her peak, panting and seeing sparks in her eyes as her body was still shuddering from the aftershocks.

"Mmmmulduuurr.. _baby pleeeeassse_ …" She begged, unable to keep this position up for much longer.

Mulder groaned low at her begging and kissed her forehead as he thrusted, realising now that may be she was getting a little tired...

"Please what..?" He whispered tenderly. "You wanna stop?"

"No… I just… bed…" She managed weakly.

Mulder nodded silently and reached up to her face to tuck some hair behind her ear and he came to a stop, still hard inside her. He kissed her closed eyelids then the tip of her nose.

"You're so beautiful Scully. You're killing me…"

She smiled a dizzy smile, her heart racing…

She loved him so much, she always had done, _always would do._

"Let's take you to bed." He said softly, but his voice still full of desire.

"Mmmhmm.." She mumbled weakly into his shoulder, her hands spread out across his back..

* * *

Mulder moaned at her touches then finally pulled out, groaning a little as he did.

He picked her up in his arms and held her close to his chest as he walked towards the bed, which wasn't hard to find as everything was open plan.

He was looking down at her flushed cheeks and her lips, smudged from all the kissing. She looked so perfect, _so sexy._

In his haste to get her to bed he accidentally made her knock one of her ornaments to the floor with her heeled feet.

"Shit!" He exclaimed, cringing in embarrassment as it smashed, but she just laughed.

He chuckled as well with relief as he heard her beautiful giggle. _God she was so beautiful…_

* * *

Mulder got intense again as he lay her perfectly petite body down on the bed, placing soft kisses down between her breasts, then down her toned stomach to her bra which was still around her waist. She arched her back again in response and he slipped his fingers underneath her, unfastening her bra and throwing it off.

 _It landed on one of her paintings on the wall, hanging off the corner…_

Scully groaned as his kisses got lower.

She gasped as he opened her legs and ran his tongue up the inside of her thigh, making her stomach tighten once again.

"Scully babe, you're so sexy…"

She gasped as he sat back on the bed and looked down at her, totally naked for him. She still had her heels on, which was a turn on, but he wanted her to be comfortable..

"You're perfect." He said gently, kissing up her leg and lifting it up in his hands. He nibbled gently on her calves then massaged them, making his way to her sandals.

He finally unbuckled them slowly, pulling her beautiful feet out of them.

"Mmmulder…" She moaned as he threw the shoe on the floor by the bed, then proceeded to do the same with her other leg.

"Oh god… come on Mulduurr, you're driving me _crazzyyy_ …" She groaned with frustration as he threw the other shoe down on the plush carpet.

Mulder didn't need telling twice, and he was already back on top of her and was pushing back inside slowly.

She was moaning again, driving him wild.

 _He could listen to that all day…_

"I love you. I always have Dana." He puffed as he thrusted in and out, getting faster and faster.

Scully frowned with emotion and reached her hands up to his face then up to his hair, running her fingers through it. Mulder groaned as she pulled him closer and down to her breasts again so he could kiss them once more.

 _She loved it when he did that…_

"I love- love you too…" She cried out breathlessly as he sucked her nipples, making her groan and writhe underneath his strong body.

* * *

He was going to town now, unable to control himself. And she felt like she couldn't either.

They were one.

"Oh _jesssus_ … yes babe…" He hissed. "So good."

She nodded and bit her bottom lip as she felt her pelvic floor muscles tightening again, closing her eyes and arching her back in pleasure she kept her fingers in his hair, pulling it slightly.

"Shit… Scully…" He rasped, his voice tight and she felt him tense up, his whole body rigid above her. She knew that he was close.

"Don't stop!" She begged, she was close again too.

She cried out and wrapped her legs around his back, pushing her groin up so that she could feel him rub against her…

And then she heard and felt him erupt above her and she looked up at his handsome face, watching it crease up and his mouth opening wide as he came..

That was too much for her and she let go as well, crying out his name as she shuddered beneath him, taking control of the orgasm this time and cupping her hands to his face, guiding him slowly against her so that she was able to have another...

* * *

Mulder collapsed on top of her, his breathing heavy.

He almost felt as if he had died and come back to life.. and then he heard her moaning in his ear and he saw her shuddering out of the corner of his eye.

How many orgasms was that now for her? Three? _Four?_

He took a deep breath and slowly pulled out of her and then flattened himself against the bed, unable to think straight...

* * *

She frowned as he left her, she wanted him to stay there forever.

Scully gasped and rolled over onto her side so that her face was next to his, their breathing slowly coming back together as they recovered.

She reached her hand around to his lower back and tried to pull him closer, but Mulder was already slipping his arm underneath her and pulling her against his chest, rolling over onto his back as he pulled her small frame into his arms.

Scully sighed heavily, still dizzy and her groin burning. She moaned as she rested against her favourite place, _his chest._ She laced her hand up to his chest hair and rubbed it lovingly. They were warm and sweaty, still panting slightly as they held each other...

* * *

Mulder finally managed to gather himself and he felt a smile creep across his lips.

 _He was so satisfied._

He pulled her closer and kissed the top of her hair, closing his eyes as he enjoyed her delicious scent again.

"Mmm babe… you're magnificent." He breathed, slowly running his fingers down her back.

"Thank you." She giggled, snuggling closer into his chest.

If she died right now, she would be happy.

 _It wouldn't even bother her at all…_

She felt her eyelids get heavy and she relaxed to the sound of his breathing, relishing in the reassuring sound of his heartbeat against her ear and she drifted off into a deep, blissful sleep…

* * *

 **PLEASE REVIEWWWWWWW!**


	44. Chapter 44

**CHAPTER FORTY FOUR**

Mulder fell asleep quickly as well, holding her perfect body against his, unable to take the smile off his lips...

After a couple of hours, he stirred, aware that he had to go and meet his contact.

He ached as he realised that he had a choice, _stay or go._

His heart was racing as he woke up with her naked body in his arms, the scent of her hair in his nose as she was snuggled up to him still, her reassuring warmth, not too hot or overpowering as they were still on top of the covers.

It was _perfect…_

He sighed and pressed his head back against the pillows, trying to escape her intoxicating scent so he could come to some sort of decision...

* * *

He had missed her terribly, when she had left and never called, never even emailed… he had nearly died.

His depression had taken another turn for the worse and he had almost admitted himself back into hospital.

But he had managed to get through it, god knows how.

May be he did it for _her..._

Mulder frowned with emotion as he held her, not wanting to wake her up. He hadn't planned any of this. He sighed heavily, his heart aching with love.

He loved her so much, he was torn with what to do…

* * *

Scully woke up, feeling cold.

She frowned in confusion as her naked body shivered as a breeze came through the half open window and she was lying on top of the covers, exposed.

It was dark outside. She rolled over onto her side and checked the bedside clock and saw it was 12am.

 _There was no sign of Mulder anywhere._

She sighed and got off the bed, going to the bathroom. She was wide awake now, her heart beating in her chest as she remembered the passion of their love making. She bit her bottom lip and felt her cheeks flare up as she remembered how he had balanced her against the wall... my _god…_

It had been something else…

Scully decided to have a quick shower, trying not to feel any emotions about him taking off like this. She didn't have any right to be bothered by it, they weren't together. It had been a one off, she knew that.

 _But she loved him and she was already missing him so much…_

* * *

Downtown Washington D.C. 12.33am

Mulder pressed his hands into his jean pockets as he walked away from the park after meeting up with his contact. The night was still warm, humid.

 _He couldn't get his mind off her._

She was in his thoughts and he was unable to shake her off. Every woman with red hair who passed him, he would see her.

Only her...

He should really head back home. He had no idea what she wanted from him. Should he go back to the apartment to find out?

But he was unable to resist and he was already walking back into the lobby…

* * *

She climbed out of the shower and rubbed her hair dry, the steam rising up off her body and clouding the mirror.

Then she heard a knock on the door.

 _Mulder?!_

She gasped and quickly ran back into the bedroom, grabbing her pink pajamas from the chest of drawers and throwing them on, her trousers and then her loose button up top.

She rubbed her hair again, it was still soaking wet.

 _He knocked again._

"Just a minute!" She called out to the hallway.

She rushed to her dresser and grabbed her hair brush, combing it through, desperately trying to get the knots out of it. She gritted her teeth as she did it quickly, not wanting to leave him outside for long or may be he would leave..?

 _The door knocked again._

"I'm coming!" She called, satisfied that she looked half reasonable..

Scully hurried to the door and opened it.

* * *

He gasped a little as he saw her in her pajamas, her hair still wet from the shower or bath. _She looked so adorable._ He felt blessed to be able to see her like this again. He never thought he would get the chance...

He placed his hands on his hips and studied her with a small smile on his face, her lips pursed together and her face beautiful without any make up…

"Hey." She said breathlessly.

"Hi."

"You gonna come in?" She asked, feeling herself blush a little again.

Mulder felt his heart skip a beat as she blushed again. How was it possible that she was _this sexy?_

"Sure. If you want me to that is.." He said, cautiously.

She smiled a little, opening the door wider for him to walk in.

Mulder nodded and walked back into her apartment, trying to keep his hands to himself but it was proving very difficult. So he shoved his hands back into his pockets and walked towards the kitchen.

He would busy himself with a coffee or something...

* * *

Scully closed the door behind him. He looked so handsome, _so sexy._

She saw the sex replaying inside her mind as her eyes met his again, she couldn't get it out of her mind and she was breathless as she followed him into the kitchen…

"You want a cup of coffee?"

She nodded, watching him busy himself with the coffee machine.

She smiled a little as he struggled to find the cups, let alone the spoons. But he was too proud to ask for help.

Scully pulled herself up into one of the clear plastic bar stools by the breakfast bar and watched him shamelessly, his muscular butt in his jeans, his muscles as they pushed out of his t-shirt in his back as he moved, his hair, his amazing head of hair which she loved to _run her hands through…_

She almost moaned as she ran her finger over her lips, feeling herself get excited again.

How was this even possible?

"Where did you go?" She asked as casually as she could.

Mulder turned around to face her finally, a small grin on his face as he handed her the hot cup of coffee.

"You're very interested in my personal life Dana..."

She felt a rush, he was so mysterious. His voice was low and husky and it drove her wild.

It was so strange to be like this, not knowing everything about each other… _she had to admit it was difficult..._

"I just want to know that you're okay." She said softly, gazing into his eyes.

"I'm doing okay." He reassured her gently, unable to look away.

She swallowed nervously, her heart rising to her throat. He was leaning across the breakfast bar and looking at her, towering over her as usual.

"So…" He started, clearing his throat and blinking, trying to gather himself. He clearly had something on his mind. "… have I ruined your personal life?"

She frowned in confusion at his question. _What was he talking about?_

* * *

"What?"

"Your _date_?" He pressed, trying to sound casual but it came out more intense, more desperate.

Mulder felt a trickle of sweat run down his back as he imagined Scully with this man, whoever he was.

It made him crazy, _insane._

He was really trying to hide it, trying to remain calm but he needed to know. _He really needed to know if she was serious about this man or not…_

She paused, his gaze so intense once again, it was making her heart flutter with excitement and arousal.

He was clearly tortured...

She felt for him, she shouldn't have told him about her date, but what was she supposed to say when he asked her point blank?!

"No." She said finally, then took a sip from her coffee.

 _But Mulder wasn't satisfied with her answer._

She gasped in surprise as he walked about the side of the breakfast bar, closing the gap between them. She almost quivered as he leant towards her from the side, she could almost touch him…

"So you're going to see him again?" He said, his mouth dry as he saw her collarbone peeking out from her neck, that gold cross necklace which she still wore, the one he had managed to keep safe for her when she had been abducted…

"No."

He breathed a long breath of relief, the tension flowing from his body.

"Really?"

"Mulder listen to me, it was a first date. And it didn't go well. I am not going to see him again, all right?" She said gently.

Mulder nodded, staring at her eyes, into her soul...

She licked her lips as her eyes moved down to his and she stared at them, imagining kissing him again… just _one more kiss…_

Then, as she expected, Mulder was kissing her hard again, then he was lifting her off the chair and into his arms, grabbing her by the waist. She gasped in shock and excitement as he lifted her with such ease and she frowned with heavy emotion as she wrapped her legs around his waist, feeling him harden against her once more...

* * *

 **PLEASE REVIEWWWW**


	45. Chapter 45

**CHAPTER FORTY FIVE**

 ** _\- recommended for over 18s -_**

* * *

Mulder moaned in her mouth as he felt himself harden again, it was uncontrollable.

She pulled back for a moment to run her lips along his jaw then down to his neck where she licked and kissed him.

Mulder gasped and was unable to get to the bed fast enough, so he laid her down on the sofa, scrambling for his buckle on his jeans again then unzipping them...

* * *

Scully was staring up at him as he undressed and she was already pulling down her pajama bottoms, feeling the dampening between her legs again as he stared at her with so much love and intensity… desperation even…

Then he was crawling up on top of her, kissing her passionately, running one hand through her damp hair and the other around the back of her neck as he pulled her mouth deeper into his, unable to stop…

Scully was moaning and writhing beneath him, desperate for him to enter her again, her stomach was tightening already and she was so ready for him…

But Mulder had other ideas and she opened her eyes wide as he removed the hand from her hair and pushed it down between her legs, rubbing her and watching with excitement as she started to cry out as he touched her, her whole body twisting and shuddering with pleasure.

Mulder kissed her again, then pulled away every so often so she could catch her breath and he could watch her face crease up with pure ecstacy. Her beautiful cries fill his ears, they were incredible..

"Oh god! _Mulder_!"

"You're so beautiful Scully, so, so beautiful…" He crooned into her ear. _He meant every word._

"Oooh!" She moaned, tilting her head back across her cushions.

"I can't get enough of you. I missed you so damn much…" He grunted, then kissed her neck.

And then he was keeping the pace the same and she was arching her back up again, tilting her chest up towards him. Mulder wanted to see her breasts again so he sat up a little as she spread her legs wider, then proceeded to unbutton her pajama top, one at a time, revealing a little more with each button…

"Oh god! Shit! I can't..." She cried out, then moaned something incoherent as he pressed harder, making her wail. Scully struggled to make sense of where she was for a moment, the feeling so intense and making her dizzy.

She reached up to his face and stared into his eyes intensely, trying to regain herself as she tried to control the spasming and shuddering of her legs...

"I want you to look at me when you come." He demanded.

Scully gasped at his words, her stomach tightening again and she was shaking.

 _Jesus Christ, this was so hot._

He was being so assertive and god it turned her on so much...

She had never seen him like this, or may be once or twice when they had first been on the run, _sleeping in different Motels and having sex whenever they could…_

Did it take a break up to get this passion back!?

But she didn't have time to think about it further as she loved the feeling of her breasts being exposed in front of him, and his fingers were working _god damn magic down there…_

"Look at me… look at me babe. I want to see your beautiful face." He begged her as she dropped her arms weakly by her side and closed her eyes as she felt her orgasm coming now, it was uncontrollable. And then he was cupping her face with his free hand and guiding her eyes back to his. " _Open those blue eyes_ …"

Scully forced them open and he was glaring into her soul, her heart, her entire being and it was so passionate and intense that she came hard, unable to keep his gaze for long as she was crashing, shaking and twisting... She cried out in ecstasy and had to close her eyes, tilting her head back and feeling her whole body tense up and then release, wave after wave as Mulder didn't stop touching her...

"Oh god! _Oh god_! Please Fox…!" She begged as it all became too much for her, and she needed him to slow down or stop…

He moaned and kissed her breasts, finally moving his hand away.

It was the most amazing, most beautiful thing he had ever seen.

"That was amazing. You're amazing." He gushed, then he pushed himself up and shifted his jeans all the way down, then whipped off his t-shirt quickly.

He was desperate to make love to her again, to get inside her but he was loving her moans and he watched the aftershocks of the orgasm shudder through her body.

"Just make love to me." She begged after a moment, her voice desperate. He watched her take a beautiful deep breath as she looked up at him, her brow frowning with frustration.

 _That was his cue._

He smiled and pushed into her gently, seeing her perfect hands by her side he laced his fingers through hers and then raised them up to her head, squeezing them tight and pressing them against the soft sofa.

She moaned deep in response and he leant down to kiss her neck again as he started to thrust steadily…

* * *

She tried to regain her breath as he held her against his strong body. Her groin was on fire and there was a dull ache, _a good ache._

Mulder had gone crazy, and she had loved it. It had been incredible.

Mulder moaned as he pulled out of her finally but kept her close, shifting his weight slightly and running his hands through her hair, she nestled her face in his shoulder and ran her fingers up and down his back, hugging him tighter.

She felt hot tears of emotion spring in her eyes as she didn't want to let him go.

 _She knew deep down that this had to end sometime_ , they had separate lives now.

"Holy shit Dana, holy shit." He panted, overcome by it all.

And she felt the same. It was unbelievable.

"I know my love." She soothed, kissing and nibbling his skin.

"God this is crazy." He groaned, moving his hand to her cheek now and caressing it with his thumb. "You're driving me crazy."

Scully turned her face to his so that their noses were touching, their lips so close to each other's…

"It's unbelievable." She shrugged with a small smile.

"I don't want to go home. I want to stay here with you." He said in a small voice, his words making her heart ache painfully.

She blinked away the tears and tried to remain strong. _She knew that it wasn't possible…_

"Mulder, you know that we can't do that." She soothed, roaming her eyes over his face, trying to remember every detail.

" _Why_?" He asked, frowning with emotion.

She felt her lower lip tremble and she really tried not to cry.

"Because we can't. We just can't."

He sighed heavily and closed his eyes for a moment, sensing her emotions. It hurt him to see her sad, he really hadn't meant to make her cry.

"Don't cry, please Scully." He begged softly, brushing a tear away from her eye. "This has been the most incredible day… that I can even remember."

She nodded.

"I know." She whispered.

"I'm so glad that I bumped into you in the street." He smiled, placing a kiss on her nose.

She nodded again, fighting back the tears. _This was nearly good bye…_

"Could we not just give it a try?" He asked anxiously, his eyes searching hers. "Come home Dana, please…"

That was too much for her, and she burst into tears. Scully tried to hide her face with her hand but he reached up and took it in his then pulled her arm around his waist. He was shushing her already, wrapping his legs around her tighter and pulling her into a hug, applying pressure along her back and trying to soothe the sobs from her body.

"Shhhh… I'm _sorry_ … I shouldn't have asked… I'm sorry babe… Scully _please stop crying_ …"

* * *

 **PLEASE REVIEW ...**


	46. Chapter 46

**CHAPTER FORTY SIX**

October 2014 - The Unremarkable House

Mulder stared at his phone and tried to decide whether to call her, for possibly the hundredth time..

He missed her terribly, ever since that night. That _amazing_ night.

But she had been clear about not wanting to take it any further.

He was actually doing ok without her, he was surprised. It had taken a long time, but he was finally getting on ok by himself.

He was still obsessing though. He just couldn't help it. _It was who he was.._

He sighed and selected her name on the phone, staring at it again. He tapped his foot nervously on the floor as he tried to think of what to say.

The nights were the worst, he just wanted to go to that apartment and make love to her, he would go _crazy_ at night thinking about her…

But he couldn't find the strength to call her, she was probably at work anyway..

* * *

26th December 2014 - Scully Residence

Scully stared at the phone as it rang.

 _Mulder's name was on the screen._

She felt her heart tightening in her chest. She didn't know whether she should answer it, it was the first time since the summer that they had made contact...

"Who's that calling Dana?" Bill asked, sweeping in from the living room.

She turned the phone over immediately, making it go silent. She held it firmly against the kitchen worktop as she continued to help her Mother prepare the drinks for the family.

"Dana?"

She spun around to face her brother.

"No one." She said firmly, warning him not to ask again.

He eyed her suspiciously.

"Why are you being so defensive?" He asked, searching her face for answers.

"I'm not." She said, trying to sound light hearted.

She didn't even know whether she wanted to speak to him, _what help would it do?_

"It's Mulder isn't it." Bill said with a tut. He rolled his eyes as she tried to hide it, but her cheeks must have flared wildly as he was looking as her as if she was guilty.

She sighed and snatched the phone off the side, her heart pounding angrily in her chest.

"I thought it was over. Obviously not.." Bill said sarcastically, causing a lot more hurt than he could have ever realised.

She bit her tongue, just as her Mother placed a hand on her arm gently. Scully took a deep breath, trying to ignore her pig headed brother. She turned back to him after staring at her fragile Mother, so small and frail nowadays. She seemed anxious.

"Shut up Bill." She snapped, pushing the phone into the back pocket of her jeans. " _you'll get Mom all upset_ …"

* * *

She raced out of the back door and into the garden.

It was freezing, her heeled feet almost slipped on the icy patio of Bill's house. She gasped as she grabbed onto the nearest thing she could, a fence near the bottom of the lawn, then got the phone out of her back pocket.

But it was too late.

He had hung up.

* * *

She stared at it and considered whether to call him back.

She could feel Bill's eyes on her through the kitchen window.

Fuelling her anger, she dialled Mulder's number back quickly, raising the phone to her ear and feeling her teeth start to chatter in the cold. She knew it was probably a stupid idea to be standing out here in just a thin sweater and jeans, but she wanted some privacy and clearly this was the only place she was going to get it in this house…

"Hey Scully."

She melted as she heard his voice, _his low and smooth, kind voice_ , the voice which had soothed her to sleep when she was sick, the voice which had told her those silly jokes just to make light of a difficult situation, that voice which she found so annoying sometimes when they disagreed, _that voice_..

"Hey.." She managed finally, her body shaking. She wrapped her arms around her tighter.

"Urm.. where are you?" He asked, his tone changing to one of slight concern as she was obviously showing how cold she was through her own tone.

"Bill's. With.. with my Mom." She said between teeth chatters.

"Good, how is she?"

"She's doing ok, thanks for asking."

"I'm glad."

There was a slight awkward silence between them as Mulder tried to consider what to say next...

"Are you at home?" She asked lightly,

"Yeh, you know me. Just sat here with my pack of sunflower seeds."

 _She felt her heart tighten in her chest as she could picture him now..._

"Oh Mulder." She said with a chuckle.

"Well, I just wanted to say Merry Christmas, I know I'm a day late."

She smiled widely and closed her eyes, feeling a warmth inside of her cold body.

"Merry Christmas Mulder."

"I hope you don't mind me calling."

"Of course not. I'm always happy to hear from you."

"And I'm always happy to have a reason to call you."

She smiled again, her heart racing and she felt warmer from just hearing him.

She couldn't believe that just over three months ago they had been making love in her apartment...

"You never called after…" She said in a soft voice, her nervousness making her say things she didn't mean to.. she bit her bottom lip in slight embarrassment.

 _Why had she said that?_

"You asked me not to.." He said, his voice slightly bemused.

 _Scully grimaced in shame._

"I did. You're right."

There was another awkward silence between them.

She didn't know what to say...

"Are you outside? I can hear your teeth chattering through the phone." Mulder said finally with a small chuckle.

Scully could see him now as he said it, in his office and trying to imagine her. She could see his handsome face _so damn clearly…_

"Yeah, I'm outside. Crazy right?" She laughed a little as she felt her body shivering.

"Well yeah Scully its damn cold out there." He stated.

"I just needed some space as Bill was asking me who was calling. I wanted to speak to you on my own. No one really understands..."

There was yet another silence between them.

Scully hated it _, how had they gotten so awkward?_

She saw him in her mind again, his body tensing up with the mention of her difficult brother. And she had said something she probably shouldn't have... she felt bad..

"You'll catch a cold. Go back inside."

She hugged herself tight, wishing that it was him hugging his arms around her instead.

His voice was so full of care and concern. God, she would _always_ love him..

"Ok. You're probably right. Merry Christmas again." She said softly as she started to walk back towards the house carefully.

"Sure Doc. And a Happy New Year."

* * *

 **PLEASE REVIEW**

 **Im so happy you all enjoyed the 'special treat' chapters xxx I couldn't help myself... haha**


	47. Chapter 47

**CHAPTER FORTY SEVEN**

January 2016

Dana Scully's apartment, Washington D.C.

She walked along the corridor towards her plush apartment, her heels digging into the carpet. She was on her way home from work. It was a Friday night and she had the morning off tomorrow. Scully cracked her neck muscles as they were stiff, she had been in a long surgery today. She sighed a little as she reached for her keys as they were in her handbag, then unlocked the door and stepped inside.

She placed her bag and coat down on the breakfast bar, then went to run a bath, taking off her clothes as she went. She slipped off her skirt and let it fall to the floor, kicking off her shoes by the side of the bed and walking into the en-suite bathroom.

She went inside and ran the water, pouring in her usual bubble bath and breathing in the comforting smell.

* * *

Mulder's Unremarkable House – Rural West Virginia – 4.39am

He stumbled through the front door, half asleep.

He was exhausted, he had been out all night trying to sight UFOs where his contact had told him they would be. He had got an Uber home. He wondered how much he spent on Ubers nowadays… _a small fortune probably…_

He tried to remain awake as he staggered towards the sofa, then threw himself on it, falling asleep immediately.

* * *

The Next Morning

She took a walk downtown and went to her favourite coffee shop which she used to go to for lunch sometimes while she had been in the FBI. She took a deep breath as she walked there, knowing it would dredge up memories of Mulder.

 _But she was craving one of their croissants…_

She smiled up at the Hoover building in the bright January sunshine, it was damn cold but she was wrapped up well, wearing her long grey winter coat with the large buttons. She was kind of swamped in it, but it kept her warm. She waved her fingers in her black leather gloves to keep the circulation going and grabbed her coat collar, pulling it over her nose and face as the icy wind hit her.

As she expected, the memories of Mulder came flooding back to her and her heart ached a little. It had been nearly three years now since she left, _three years…_ she couldn't believe where the time had gone…

They hadn't contacted each other for months, not since last October on his birthday when she had decided to post him a card.

 _But then she still never heard back from him…_

She had to admit that it worried and hurt her, she wondered what he was up to, all on his own in that house… _did he even still live there?_

She entered the coffee shop and ordered her coffee and croissant and sat down near the window. She could see the Hoover building clearly and she stared at it, remembering her past life. She suddenly felt a wave of emotion pour over her as she missed him so terribly, as she did sometimes. She could hardly breathe for a moment as she saw him in her mind.

Why had she come here? She cursed under her breath with frustration.

Would she ever get over him? _Ever?_

She needed to get out...

Scully felt her heart start to race uncontrollably with slight panic so she pushed the croissant back into its bag and then grabbed the coffee cup as well, relieved they had given her a takeaway cup, leaving the shop swiftly, not even noticing that she made some people jump out of the way in surprise as she pushed past them.

She briskly walked back home, not looking back, her heeled boots stomping the pavement…

* * *

Mulder frowned a little in annoyance as his phone was ringing in his ear as he slept on his desk. He moaned as he woke up, his face plastered against a piece of notepaper he had been scribbling on. " _Fuckssssake_.." He mumbled as it stuck to his face. He frowned and pulled it off, trying to focus his eyes on the phone and who was calling. It would have been comical if he wasn't such a mess...

He sighed and grabbed the phone and brought it to his eyes.

It was a Washington number, possibly FBI from what he could remember. He felt his chest tightening as the paranoia set in again, wondering why the FBI would be calling him. If Skinner called him, it was always on his agreed personal number, which they hadn't had to use for years.

He frowned in thought, staring at it.

He wasn't going to answer it, _he didn't owe that place anything now anyway..._

Besides, he had a meeting in an hour and he needed to arrange another Uber to get there. Mulder hung up before it could go to voicemail and stood up from his desk chair, nearly falling over the crap on the floor, the trails of food packets and newspapers, hundreds of them.

He really needed to tidy up soon, he was getting worse just recently...

Mulder turned towards the door and suddenly felt a shortness of breath as he saw her in the doorway, so clearly..

"Scu...?" He gasped.

He staggered a little and grabbed onto the chair for support, his head swimming. What the hell? _Was it even possible?_

But of course, it wasn't, and she was gone after a couple of blinks of his eyes. He felt the sadness overwhelm him but then felt a sad smile creep up his lips and he felt lucky that his photographic memory remembered every detail of her.

Even if he couldn't have her for real, she still lived in his imagination.

She _had_ to, or he would lose all sense of being…

* * *

May 2016 – Our Lady of Sorrows Hospital

Scully was pulling on her scrubs, the second surgery of the day was waiting for her. She washed her hands and watched as the water went down the drain. She sighed a little, her body was aching for a break..

"Excuse me. Dr. Scully?"

She turned to see Nurse Sandeep, trying to get her attention.

"Yes?" She asked.

"You have a phone call." Nurse Sandeep said firmly.

Scully frowned a little in frustration as she was pulling on her gloves. _Can it not wait?_

"I'm just heading into surgery."

She watched as the other surgeons went into surgery and sighed a little as she didn't want to keep them waiting.

"That's what I told him, but... but he said it was important." Sandeep said, slightly apologetic.

Scully frowned a little, sensing that there was something more to this phone call.

"Who is it?"

"He says his name is Walter Skinner. Assistant Director, FBI."

Scully felt her heart skip a beat, she was speechless for a second. Her senses went on overdrive.

 _What the hell could Skinner be calling her for?_

* * *

Mulder's Unremarkable House – Rural West Virginia

Mulder was watching President Obama talking about Area 51 and aliens on a chat show. It was all just a joke, his whole quest had turned into a joke nowadays...

He glanced at his orange pencils which were now in a tin, he had tidied up recently, may be he wasn't doing so bad.

Sighing heavily, he suddenly saw his phone flashing and ringing and he almost jumped from his seat as he saw it was _her._

 _He had to answer.._

"My life's become a punch line. What's happening out there, Scully?

"A.D. Skinner's looking for you."

He felt a small smile creeping up his lips as he heard her. He felt as if he was being pulled from the darkness, her voice was like _oxygen.._ and it had been so long since he had heard her, but he had to remain cool... _  
_

"Why doesn't he just call me?" He asked as lightly as possible, trying to remain calm as he felt her on the other end.

"He doesn't know how to reach you, Mulder. I barely know how myself."

He felt his stomach tighten with slight guilt, maybe she had called him before and he hadn't answered, when he was away on one of his quests..

He tried to ignore it, interested in what Skinner was calling for.

"What does he want, Scully?" He asked.

"He wants to know if you've been watching someone called _Tad O'Malley_ on the 'net. Apparently he's reached out to us from the FBI."

He frowned in puzzlement.

He typed in his name on his laptop and waited for the videos to load.

"Hold on. I'm bringing him up…" He waited and listened, not interested at all with the trash he was saying about 9/11, these people really pissed him off. He sighed and felt anger in his chest as he watched this well suited smart ass on his screen, "..why would I watch this _jackass_ , Scully?

He bit his bottom lip as the man carried on talking, Scully wasn't answering, clearly waiting for him to make his up his own mind.

 _'..It's all part of a conspiracy dating back to the UFO crash at Roswell...'_

"I thought you were done with UFOs. The stranglehold they put on your very existence, I believe is how you put it…"

He couldn't help but tease her, but he was sad as he said it, knowing that they would never see eye to eye on that..

"I'm just the messenger, Mulder. Apparently this guy is desperate to meet."

He felt a shimmer of hope that he could may be get his life back on track for a while, and he was going to see her, no matter what she said…

"Tell Skinner to set it up." He said firmly.

"Seriously?"

He smiled and loved the teasing tone of her voice, just like old times.

She was skeptical of course, but he was going to show her that he was still the man she fell in love with in the first place. He felt slightly anxious as he had the words in his head already...

But his arrogance was on form, and he hoped and prayed that she still couldn't resist him..

"And don't pretend I'm going alone.."

 **THE END**

* * *

 **PLEASE REVIEW!**

 _ **Thank you, all of you for your reviews and your support.**_

 _ **Phew, this has been the hardest fic to write ever...**_

 _ **I know it's taken me a long time to write, especially to finish, but it was quite difficult to make it flow into Season 10. I know some of you wanted marriage etc, but this was always going to be about the break up and was always going to finish just before season 10, as canon.. but with a little twist.. such as that fun in the apartment... :)))**_

 _ **Love you all, thank you again - it means the world to me that you read this, let alone leave me a review!**_

 _ **Until the next fic :)**_

 _ **Special thanks to AdaPi - for helping me when I was stuck and for egging me on when I was down! It was hard to write this heartbreaking story, but I hope it gives us some kind of closure..**_

 _ **xxxxx**_


End file.
